I almost did it ..............................

I almost committed suicide a few minutes ago.
Yes you need not wipe your eyes and wonder in disbelief - I ALMOST DID - due to call center overdose .
It all began with me misplacing my Internet  Banking Log in device and deciding to order another one.
I search and find the toll free number and ring it- and there begins my sorrow.
The ring goes on endlessly till a sugary sweet voice welcomed me to NRI services .
I then pressed ONE for English/ TWO for NRI services/ ONE AGAIN followed by the hash key for Lost device / THREE followed by the hash key for phone banking.
I was then instructed to enter the 16 digit no followed by the  star key  .
I then had to reconfirm the number .........
I entered many more numbers / pressed the hash key umpteen times and the star key and few times more .
I was confused by now as to which number to press for what .
All details  entered right and I ventured a smile till a sugary voice said SORRY - You have not entered the details as required .
 I was then asked to hold on a while till  a customer agent was free to talk to me .
No idea how many agents there were and how busy but I was left holding the line for about ten minutes.
Frustrated I cut the line and called again - little remembering that I would have to go through the whole number procedure all over again.
I did it and waited and finally there she was - all sweet and more sugary than ever. She thanked me profusely for waiting and apologized as well- I felt like strangling her and hugging her at the same time - at last the ordeal would be over-  or so I thought .
She needed to verify if I was the account holder and that was fine . She then began a series of questions and that went on endlessly- I hoped she would not ask me anything like what my grandfather's pet dog name was and whether he was a barker or a biter  because I DONT KNOW .
I answered / I searched for papers which had the correct address etc and gave it to her and she seemed pleased . She then asked me to hold the line .
I did so and yes you guessed right - I kept holding and was left  listening to some vague music .
 No idea where she went or whether she had fainted from exhaustion because many minutes later a man came on the line . I could not believe it . Was this for real ?
 He apologized for me having to wait for so long and he asked me the question I was dreading - HOW MAY I HELP YOU SIR.
By now I was breathing hard , I had palpitations , my mouth was dry , I felt like banging my head on the wall , smashing the computer , breaking the glass and jumping out of the 3rd floor window -  but I calmed myself as best I could and told him how he could help  me .
All he needed was a few questions answered and that would be all .
So there I was answering the vaguest of questions - my favourite colour / whether I parted my hair on the left or right / whether I was bald or cross eyed-  how much I weighed on the 40th birthday or something to that effect.
I PASSED THE TEST . He and I were both relieved
I was then given the good news that I would get the device in seven working days . If I did not receive it in seven working days I should call back.
I have decided to wait seven working days - I hope and pray it comes because I dread having to call back again. If it does not - I will make a will and jump - into some river / lake - whatever - I refuse to answer any more  questions .
I do not remember the name of my pet / I do not remember my first secret question / I am not sure of what my favourite dish was when I opened my account 15 years ago .

Phone banking / Internet banking / Log in/ Id / Passwords/ secret questions / alternate passwords - OMG - Do pray that I receive that device in seven days !
PLEASE DO IT NOW - you cant take chances with banks - Can you ?
 

I almost did it ..............................

I almost committed suicide a few minutes ago.
Yes you need not wipe your eyes and wonder in disbelief - I ALMOST DID - due to call center overdose .
It all began with me misplacing my Internet  Banking Log in device and deciding to order another one.
I search and find the toll free number and ring it- and there begins my sorrow.
The ring goes on endlessly till a sugary sweet voice welcomed me to NRI services .
I then pressed ONE for English/ TWO for NRI services/ ONE AGAIN followed by the hash key for Lost device / THREE followed by the hash key for phone banking.
I was then instructed to enter the 16 digit no followed by the  star key  .
I then had to reconfirm the number .........
I entered many more numbers / pressed the hash key umpteen times and the star key and few times more .
I was confused by now as to which number to press for what .
All details  entered right and I ventured a smile till a sugary voice said SORRY - You have not entered the details as required .
 I was then asked to hold on a while till  a customer agent was free to talk to me .
No idea how many agents there were and how busy but I was left holding the line for about ten minutes.
Frustrated I cut the line and called again - little remembering that I would have to go through the whole number procedure all over again.
I did it and waited and finally there she was - all sweet and more sugary than ever. She thanked me profusely for waiting and apologized as well- I felt like strangling her and hugging her at the same time - at last the ordeal would be over-  or so I thought .
She needed to verify if I was the account holder and that was fine . She then began a series of questions and that went on endlessly- I hoped she would not ask me anything like what my grandfather's pet dog name was and whether he was a barker or a biter  because I DONT KNOW .
I answered / I searched for papers which had the correct address etc and gave it to her and she seemed pleased . She then asked me to hold the line .
I did so and yes you guessed right - I kept holding and was left  listening to some vague music .
 No idea where she went or whether she had fainted from exhaustion because many minutes later a man came on the line . I could not believe it . Was this for real ?
 He apologized for me having to wait for so long and he asked me the question I was dreading - HOW MAY I HELP YOU SIR.
By now I was breathing hard , I had palpitations , my mouth was dry , I felt like banging my head on the wall , smashing the computer , breaking the glass and jumping out of the 3rd floor window -  but I calmed myself as best I could and told him how he could help  me .
All he needed was a few questions answered and that would be all .
So there I was answering the vaguest of questions - my favourite colour / whether I parted my hair on the left or right / whether I was bald or cross eyed-  how much I weighed on the 40th birthday or something to that effect.
I PASSED THE TEST . He and I were both relieved
I was then given the good news that I would get the device in seven working days . If I did not receive it in seven working days I should call back.
I have decided to wait seven working days - I hope and pray it comes because I dread having to call back again. If it does not - I will make a will and jump - into some river / lake - whatever - I refuse to answer any more  questions .
I do not remember the name of my pet / I do not remember my first secret question / I am not sure of what my favourite dish was when I opened my account 15 years ago .

Phone banking / Internet banking / Log in/ Id / Passwords/ secret questions / alternate passwords - OMG - Do pray that I receive that device in seven days !
PLEASE DO IT NOW - you cant take chances with banks - Can you ?
 

Idiotic and a trifle frustrating

Am sure you have heard these before ....................from some strange soul you meet somewhere .    Annoying to say the very least.
 
1. Where  have you been -not seen you for ages ?( Obviously you have not - we live in different parts of the world - don't we ?)
2.Oh my God - you haven't changed since I last saw you ( you saw me when I was 15 - I m 50 + now - either you are losing your sight or your a liar  )
3. We must meet up sometime . ( Why do we have to - we are not friends are we ?)
4. You all must come over ( for goodness sake where - when - you have said that a million times before )
5 Do drop in when you get the time ( I don't drop in or  drop out for that matter - Thank you nevertheless )
6.I hope we will  be seeing you again ( I  hope not - your kids were a pain- one evening was enough  )
7.  What HAVE you done to yourself - you look so run down ( No not run down you fat lump - I don't eat junk food like you do )
8. You look out of sorts  - is everything all right ( Yes it is and stop fishing for news because you wont catch )
9. Haven't we met before ( Yes we have and I hope you don't recognize me as you bored me to tears the last time )
10.You meet someone at a movie hall - So you've come to see the movie too ??( No just the posters )
11. While walking into church late - are we late ( no both our watches have stopped  dumbo)
12.Putting on weight eh ? ( Its my life - shut up will you .)
13.So - out shopping? ( no I push other peoples trolleys in my spare time )
14.So growing plants in the house are we ? ( No I am watering the artificial ones )
15. So what DID you do on the weekend  (  You inquisitive rat-  stop prying )
16 Your up to your neck in work and someone walks in and asks -   ARE YOU BUSY ? ( no I am amusing myself signing papers , answering calls and replying to mail)
17. Are you in a bad mood ? ( No certainly not - I scowl for fun )
18. Its 48 degrees and your sweating streams outside - Are you feeling hot ? ( No,  only you are - I am covered in hide )
19. I can smell something  yummy cooking . ( No that's the  new room freshener we  are using )
20 .Looking at 2 bookshelves crammed with books - You do a lot of reading ? ( No - those are  purely for decorative purposes only )

Idiotic and a trifle frustrating

Am sure you have heard these before ....................from some strange soul you meet somewhere .    Annoying to say the very least.
 
1. Where  have you been -not seen you for ages ?( Obviously you have not - we live in different parts of the world - don't we ?)
2.Oh my God - you haven't changed since I last saw you ( you saw me when I was 15 - I m 50 + now - either you are losing your sight or your a liar  )
3. We must meet up sometime . ( Why do we have to - we are not friends are we ?)
4. You all must come over ( for goodness sake where - when - you have said that a million times before )
5 Do drop in when you get the time ( I don't drop in or  drop out for that matter - Thank you nevertheless )
6.I hope we will  be seeing you again ( I  hope not - your kids were a pain- one evening was enough  )
7.  What HAVE you done to yourself - you look so run down ( No not run down you fat lump - I don't eat junk food like you do )
8. You look out of sorts  - is everything all right ( Yes it is and stop fishing for news because you wont catch )
9. Haven't we met before ( Yes we have and I hope you don't recognize me as you bored me to tears the last time )
10.You meet someone at a movie hall - So you've come to see the movie too ??( No just the posters )
11. While walking into church late - are we late ( no both our watches have stopped  dumbo)
12.Putting on weight eh ? ( Its my life - shut up will you .)
13.So - out shopping? ( no I push other peoples trolleys in my spare time )
14.So growing plants in the house are we ? ( No I am watering the artificial ones )
15. So what DID you do on the weekend  (  You inquisitive rat-  stop prying )
16 Your up to your neck in work and someone walks in and asks -   ARE YOU BUSY ? ( no I am amusing myself signing papers , answering calls and replying to mail)
17. Are you in a bad mood ? ( No certainly not - I scowl for fun )
18. Its 48 degrees and your sweating streams outside - Are you feeling hot ? ( No,  only you are - I am covered in hide )
19. I can smell something  yummy cooking . ( No that's the  new room freshener we  are using )
20 .Looking at 2 bookshelves crammed with books - You do a lot of reading ? ( No - those are  purely for decorative purposes only )

Socks have a life of their own

Man has spent years looking for Aliens .
He has searched high and low and spent millions on outer space exploration not knowing that alien life exits on this very planet - in every country - every city, many villages and hamlets too.
Let me come to the point - S  O  C  K  S !!!!!!!!!!!!

 You don't have to look for the aliens as they are in our  homes in the form of socks . Cunning isn't it ?
Who would have ever thought , even in their wildest imagination, that our socks had a life of their own .An alien life.
Crazy thought indeed  but hot summers make you think .
However all it needs is a little reflection/ introspection and EUREKA !! You have it there in front of you .
Ask any man - anywhere in the world ,and he will confirm your worst fear ....................
Buy any number of pairs of socks and gradually they will vanish - ONE AT A TIME
Obviously they study your feet- trace your life pattern - learn about your do's and don'ts- see where you go - where you study- where you sleep - where you live - who you meet- where you work - and once they have their data complete they vanish. Kind of creepy ?
See-  they come in pairs - they work in pairs - silently - unobtrusively- peacefully - gaining your confidence , and then presto- one fine day - one is gone !
You can swear you washed two  - the pair-  but one just takes off without so much as a by your leave.
You can search for all your worth - you won't find it . Not in the cupboard , not in the draw , no signs in the washing machine , not in the sink by any chance , not on the clothes line - not down on the ground !!
So where in the world did it go .
Your dismayed and you wonder .
When you take stock of the situation,  reality dawns - THIS HAS HAPPENED BEFORE AS WELL - many times in fact .
You have been buying socks by the dozen ..............................and something is amiss - where have they gone .
For some time thereafter you tie up all the singletons together hoping that the pair will get fed up of roaming about without its partner and suddenly turn up  out of the blue - wishful thinking .
 THAT NEVER HAPPENS .
He has obviously gone back to report on your activities ...............your dossier is being updated .
So in disgust you throw out the other ..............
This would not have been the case if both had vamoosed together but that never happens- they want to let you feel helpless - they want to leave you thinking -  THAT IS THE POINT .
This in my theory - believe it if you want - no one is forcing you but let me tell you this - the next time you go to put on a pair of socks and only find one YOU WILL REMEMBER ME .
( Your thinking already )
Happens you know !
Cheers .

Some information
The word 'socks' comes form the Latin word 'soccus'. The soccus was a kind of loose fitting shoe worn by Roman comic actors that could be slipped off easily. When Romans wore 'soccus' with sandals, they removed their sandals when indoors, but kept their soccus on.

The ancient Egyptians were the first to sue crude woven socks to protect the feet. Archaeologists have found knitted and woven socks that date back to the fourth century in Egyptian Copt tombs, and interestingly, some of these show signs of having been carefully darned at the heel and toe. The great warrior from Central Europe, Attila the Hun wound brightly coloured stripes of cloth around his legs to protect them in the 4th century, and so did 8th century barbarian warriors. In 1589, the Reverend William Lee of Nottinghamshire, England invented a machine that could knit socks out of cotton, wool and silk. William took his invention to the curt of Queen Elizabeth I to try and get a patent for it but the Queen refused to grant one, as she was afraid that the machine would put thousands of women who hand knitted for a living out, of work.

Socks have a life of their own

Man has spent years looking for Aliens .
He has searched high and low and spent millions on outer space exploration not knowing that alien life exits on this very planet - in every country - every city, many villages and hamlets too.
Let me come to the point - S  O  C  K  S !!!!!!!!!!!!

 You don't have to look for the aliens as they are in our  homes in the form of socks . Cunning isn't it ?
Who would have ever thought , even in their wildest imagination, that our socks had a life of their own .An alien life.
Crazy thought indeed  but hot summers make you think .
However all it needs is a little reflection/ introspection and EUREKA !! You have it there in front of you .
Ask any man - anywhere in the world ,and he will confirm your worst fear ....................
Buy any number of pairs of socks and gradually they will vanish - ONE AT A TIME
Obviously they study your feet- trace your life pattern - learn about your do's and don'ts- see where you go - where you study- where you sleep - where you live - who you meet- where you work - and once they have their data complete they vanish. Kind of creepy ?
See-  they come in pairs - they work in pairs - silently - unobtrusively- peacefully - gaining your confidence , and then presto- one fine day - one is gone !
You can swear you washed two  - the pair-  but one just takes off without so much as a by your leave.
You can search for all your worth - you won't find it . Not in the cupboard , not in the draw , no signs in the washing machine , not in the sink by any chance , not on the clothes line - not down on the ground !!
So where in the world did it go .
Your dismayed and you wonder .
When you take stock of the situation,  reality dawns - THIS HAS HAPPENED BEFORE AS WELL - many times in fact .
You have been buying socks by the dozen ..............................and something is amiss - where have they gone .
For some time thereafter you tie up all the singletons together hoping that the pair will get fed up of roaming about without its partner and suddenly turn up  out of the blue - wishful thinking .
 THAT NEVER HAPPENS .
He has obviously gone back to report on your activities ...............your dossier is being updated .
So in disgust you throw out the other ..............
This would not have been the case if both had vamoosed together but that never happens- they want to let you feel helpless - they want to leave you thinking -  THAT IS THE POINT .
This in my theory - believe it if you want - no one is forcing you but let me tell you this - the next time you go to put on a pair of socks and only find one YOU WILL REMEMBER ME .
( Your thinking already )
Happens you know !
Cheers .

Some information
The word 'socks' comes form the Latin word 'soccus'. The soccus was a kind of loose fitting shoe worn by Roman comic actors that could be slipped off easily. When Romans wore 'soccus' with sandals, they removed their sandals when indoors, but kept their soccus on.

The ancient Egyptians were the first to sue crude woven socks to protect the feet. Archaeologists have found knitted and woven socks that date back to the fourth century in Egyptian Copt tombs, and interestingly, some of these show signs of having been carefully darned at the heel and toe. The great warrior from Central Europe, Attila the Hun wound brightly coloured stripes of cloth around his legs to protect them in the 4th century, and so did 8th century barbarian warriors. In 1589, the Reverend William Lee of Nottinghamshire, England invented a machine that could knit socks out of cotton, wool and silk. William took his invention to the curt of Queen Elizabeth I to try and get a patent for it but the Queen refused to grant one, as she was afraid that the machine would put thousands of women who hand knitted for a living out, of work.

I miss her already .

My daughter brought her home late one evening and said "meet my friend - she will be staying with us  as she has no one "
I almost fainted -"another female in the house "?
As if three were not enough !.
Well,  she was cute  and young and we all fell in love with her - me too and I am not ashamed to say it .
Initially I thought my daughter was joking and when I took her aside and asked her , she confirmed my worst fears - she was here  to stay .
Where would she sleep ?
Who would keep her company all day when we were away?.
What about her meals ?
Would she eat what we ate ?
Would she enjoy living upstairs - being used to something quite different since birth?
Would she fit into the family
Where were her parents ?
Would they not miss her ?
Was it ok to keep her in the house - would the watchman not notice and complain ?
These and many more questions worried me .
However things fell into place pretty soon .
She was clean , quite friendly and tidy and never made a fuss where food was concerned .
Despite the heat, she slept without the AC - apparently our rooms were too cold !
Knowing what Dubai life was like I kept trying to remind her to drink water - she seemed to hate it and that was something which irritated her.
Relatives dropped in to meet her and were quite taken up- she was cute indeed !
Last week , for the first time we took her out in the car fro a drive - she enjoyed it .
Then we started noticing changes in her personality - anger , bad behavior , favouritism - scattering stuff here and there and being very untidy .
Why did you bring her home without asking me , I asked my daughter . Let her go and stay some place else, but she would have none of it .
Things were getting out of hand and everyone was getting a trifle hyper while  trying to please her .
There were arguments galore .
A decision had to be made and made soon before she became too comfortable and we had her for life .That sure would be burdensome .
Imagine taking her on holidays as well .
And so ............................. this evening - just about an hour ago .......................
I took her for a drive - stopped the car and asked her to get out .I was firm yet polite.
She looked dismayed and refused to obey.
That's when I took matters into my own hands - I literally picked her up and put her down in the park.
I hope she does not return.
The house is quiet - we miss her - the daughter is crying .
Yes I miss her too and we had grown close over these past three weeks .
They say CATS & KITTENS  come back and its difficult to get rid of them.
She was just over a month old so I guess she will not be able to find her way back
I am sitting with fingers and toes crossed - hoping she does not.
TINKLE - WE MISS YOU