Do any of you remember Godfrey Gordon

Dear Former pupils Greetings from Dubai. I need some help and thought of no one else to turn to, but you, dear boys. Actually, help from anyone reading this is welcome – the more the better. Nothing urgent or critical, because if it were something like that, I would call. I have so many of your telephone numbers. Then there is Facebook, Whats-app, Messenger etc . So let me lay it out there ......... Does anyone remember Godfrey Gordon? No? Well, you will by the end of this short story. I believe some people referred to him as GG too. Not too sure . Now let me start at the very beginning, as it’s a very good place to start! Woke this morning and decided to write a short piece as I often do, but then got busy with more important work and writing was put on the back burner. What followed was then a typical weekday – drove to see a few schools, as it was the first day of face to face learning. That was followed by more work on the computer and lunch. Ate a comparatively light lunch so that I did not feel sleepy. Just some simple chicken and tomato rice followed by a custard. I love custard. I know its fattening but today was a cheat day like many others! Anyway, as I was making myself a cup of tea at around 4.00pm, the name ‘Godfrey Gordan’ came to mind. No clue why. Rack my brains is what I did, but despite my best efforts, I could not just fathom out where this name had come to mind from. Was he a boy from Bishops during my time? Was he an ex Bishopite who had left before I joined? Was he a boy I had taught in Dubai? Was he from my hometown Allahabad? Was I suffering from dementia? (I am a bit of a hypochondriac). Could not fathom it out, despite my best efforts and felt a trifle inadequate. Whenever I think of something and fail to come to a conclusion, it troubles me. I then decided to go to the gym but changed my mind at the last moment and decided to go for a long walk instead. I have pulled a muscle and feel that rest will help . It was then, amid walking, listening to Rod Stewart and doing my best to stay as far as possible from fellow walkers, that I had a Eureka moment. I usually call it an ‘aha’ moment, but Eureka sounds better! I almost felt like Newton – the only thing amiss - there was no apple. Yes, I had it. The elusive Godfrey Gordon! You see when I was probably in a primary class, I was taught the Poem which goes something like this: - ‘Godfrey Gordon Gustavus Gore — No doubt you have heard the name before — Was a boy who never would shut a door! The wind might whistle, the wind might roar, And teeth be aching and throats be sore, But still he never would shut the door’. And so it goes on ( William Brighty Rands) So, this was Godfrey Gordon and here lies the problem. How in Dickens’ name did I think of him? Why would I in the first place? I am not very friendly with anyone named Godfrey or Gordon. I have not read or heard the poem being recited in ages. If I think back, I learnt it about fifty odd years ago! So how and why did it suddenly come to mind? Was it floating around somewhere within my cranium and suddenly decided to pop up and confuse me? Do these things happen? Is it normal? Are there more confusing names to follow? What if suddenly the name Hubert Blaine Wolfe­schlegel­stein­ha comes up. Will I go insane? Now that you know who Godfrey is, can you help me with this puzzle? I will forever be both thankful and grateful! Sincerely Mr Guzder

Do any of you remember Godfrey Gordon

Dear Former pupils Greetings from Dubai. I need some help and thought of no one else to turn to, but you, dear boys. Actually, help from anyone reading this is welcome – the more the better. Nothing urgent or critical, because if it were something like that, I would call. I have so many of your telephone numbers. Then there is Facebook, Whats-app, Messenger etc . So let me lay it out there ......... Does anyone remember Godfrey Gordon? No? Well, you will by the end of this short story. I believe some people referred to him as GG too. Not too sure . Now let me start at the very beginning, as it’s a very good place to start! Woke this morning and decided to write a short piece as I often do, but then got busy with more important work and writing was put on the back burner. What followed was then a typical weekday – drove to see a few schools, as it was the first day of face to face learning. That was followed by more work on the computer and lunch. Ate a comparatively light lunch so that I did not feel sleepy. Just some simple chicken and tomato rice followed by a custard. I love custard. I know its fattening but today was a cheat day like many others! Anyway, as I was making myself a cup of tea at around 4.00pm, the name ‘Godfrey Gordan’ came to mind. No clue why. Rack my brains is what I did, but despite my best efforts, I could not just fathom out where this name had come to mind from. Was he a boy from Bishops during my time? Was he an ex Bishopite who had left before I joined? Was he a boy I had taught in Dubai? Was he from my hometown Allahabad? Was I suffering from dementia? (I am a bit of a hypochondriac). Could not fathom it out, despite my best efforts and felt a trifle inadequate. Whenever I think of something and fail to come to a conclusion, it troubles me. I then decided to go to the gym but changed my mind at the last moment and decided to go for a long walk instead. I have pulled a muscle and feel that rest will help . It was then, amid walking, listening to Rod Stewart and doing my best to stay as far as possible from fellow walkers, that I had a Eureka moment. I usually call it an ‘aha’ moment, but Eureka sounds better! I almost felt like Newton – the only thing amiss - there was no apple. Yes, I had it. The elusive Godfrey Gordon! You see when I was probably in a primary class, I was taught the Poem which goes something like this: - ‘Godfrey Gordon Gustavus Gore — No doubt you have heard the name before — Was a boy who never would shut a door! The wind might whistle, the wind might roar, And teeth be aching and throats be sore, But still he never would shut the door’. And so it goes on ( William Brighty Rands) So, this was Godfrey Gordon and here lies the problem. How in Dickens’ name did I think of him? Why would I in the first place? I am not very friendly with anyone named Godfrey or Gordon. I have not read or heard the poem being recited in ages. If I think back, I learnt it about fifty odd years ago! So how and why did it suddenly come to mind? Was it floating around somewhere within my cranium and suddenly decided to pop up and confuse me? Do these things happen? Is it normal? Are there more confusing names to follow? What if suddenly the name Hubert Blaine Wolfe­schlegel­stein­ha comes up. Will I go insane? Now that you know who Godfrey is, can you help me with this puzzle? I will forever be both thankful and grateful! Sincerely Mr Guzder

For better sense we pray

FOR BETTER SENSE WE PRAY I am now extremely confused, and immensely concerned. And I am sure it is not me alone- the common man is The unbridled media seems to be going crazy and having a field day We are getting suffocated and being sucked into this hellish vortex partially our fault I guess Stop it please. Stop it now. Enough is enough We are making a laughingstock of ourselves And the joke is on us- unfortunately The whole country is going insane, discussing, debating, arguing Sushant , Rhea and Kangana Showik, Miranda and others too ? Suicide, murder, depression, drugs, nepotism. Money, ambulances, black bags and what have you Rest in peace? The blame game is on – unrestrained, unrivalled & unchecked. The Mumbai film industry? The drug mafia? The BMC? The State or the Central government? The courts, the Mumbai police, the CBI? Who is running the show – who is calling the shots? Is there a ring master? There could be. How else is this crazy media circus being sustained? It is farcical, delusional, and unreal The conspiracy theorists are on a winning spree- galloping gleefully Can we all not just take a step back? What is that modern phrase? Take a ‘chill pill’! Going into overdrive is totally uncalled for Cut the hyperbole, cut the amplification, cut the overkill - PLEASE Let the Courts and the Honourable judges decide and pronounce a verdict. It is their job, their call, and their prerogative Patience is a virtue we human beings need to cultivate We are so used to jumping the gun and landing in the gutter For goodness sake … Everyone is suddenly taking on the job of judge, jury, and executioner. It is absurd, utterly preposterous, and totally uncalled for. Are there not more important issues plaguing the country and needing urgent attention? What about the unemployment? What about the migrant labourers who went home? Where are they and what are they eating? Out of sight – out of mind? What about China and the cross-border firing? China are beating the drums of war while India are often in denial Taking one step forward and two steps back- Why? Cut the rhetoric and take a stand. Take it now. Both countries are shooting at each other on the mountains And discussing treaties in board rooms Peace and war simultaneously? This is a joke in poor taste – something is so wrong Is COVID at the core? Are we missing something? Stranger things have happened no doubt, but this is anomalous and atypical Covid started in China is exploding in India and not getting top billing? It is spiralling out of control And is already a crisis of preposterous proportions. Thousands infected and deaths galore Over ninety thousand daily infections in India,over the last few days We are now number two in the world ¬hing to be proud of Are we mis- managing a crisis? I hope not Let it not become a national calamity That will be damnation There is a Herculean task before the country Let not distractions come in the way For better sense We pray.

For better sense we pray

FOR BETTER SENSE WE PRAY I am now extremely confused, and immensely concerned. And I am sure it is not me alone- the common man is The unbridled media seems to be going crazy and having a field day We are getting suffocated and being sucked into this hellish vortex partially our fault I guess Stop it please. Stop it now. Enough is enough We are making a laughingstock of ourselves And the joke is on us- unfortunately The whole country is going insane, discussing, debating, arguing Sushant , Rhea and Kangana Showik, Miranda and others too ? Suicide, murder, depression, drugs, nepotism. Money, ambulances, black bags and what have you Rest in peace? The blame game is on – unrestrained, unrivalled & unchecked. The Mumbai film industry? The drug mafia? The BMC? The State or the Central government? The courts, the Mumbai police, the CBI? Who is running the show – who is calling the shots? Is there a ring master? There could be. How else is this crazy media circus being sustained? It is farcical, delusional, and unreal The conspiracy theorists are on a winning spree- galloping gleefully Can we all not just take a step back? What is that modern phrase? Take a ‘chill pill’! Going into overdrive is totally uncalled for Cut the hyperbole, cut the amplification, cut the overkill - PLEASE Let the Courts and the Honourable judges decide and pronounce a verdict. It is their job, their call, and their prerogative Patience is a virtue we human beings need to cultivate We are so used to jumping the gun and landing in the gutter For goodness sake … Everyone is suddenly taking on the job of judge, jury, and executioner. It is absurd, utterly preposterous, and totally uncalled for. Are there not more important issues plaguing the country and needing urgent attention? What about the unemployment? What about the migrant labourers who went home? Where are they and what are they eating? Out of sight – out of mind? What about China and the cross-border firing? China are beating the drums of war while India are often in denial Taking one step forward and two steps back- Why? Cut the rhetoric and take a stand. Take it now. Both countries are shooting at each other on the mountains And discussing treaties in board rooms Peace and war simultaneously? This is a joke in poor taste – something is so wrong Is COVID at the core? Are we missing something? Stranger things have happened no doubt, but this is anomalous and atypical Covid started in China is exploding in India and not getting top billing? It is spiralling out of control And is already a crisis of preposterous proportions. Thousands infected and deaths galore Over ninety thousand daily infections in India,over the last few days We are now number two in the world ¬hing to be proud of Are we mis- managing a crisis? I hope not Let it not become a national calamity That will be damnation There is a Herculean task before the country Let not distractions come in the way For better sense We pray.

On being a winner

ON BEING A WINNER I HAVE THREE POINTS FOR YOU TO REFLECT OVER. FIRSTLY – LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, I ENJOY WINNING AND HAVE ALWAYS BEEN COMPETITIVE. NOW YOU WOULD HAVE OFTEN HEARD THE PHRASE – ‘MAKE WINNING A HABIT’- AND ITS DEFINITELY ENCOURAGING AND MOTIVATIONAL. FOR CENTURIES, PARENTS HAVE CELEBRATED AND BEEN ECSTATIC WHEN THEIR CHILDREN HAVE WON ANYTHING – BE IT A SACK RACE ON SPORTS DAY, A POETRY, PAINTING, SINGING OR DANCE COMPETITION OR AN ACADEMIC PRIZE. ITS ALL GOOD . HOWEVER HERE IS THE POINT I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE. THE MORE YOU WIN; THE MORE DIFFICULT IT IS TO FACE A LOSS- BOTH FOR THE CHILD AND THE PARENTS. NOW DON’T GET ME WRONG – I AM NOT AGAINST WINNING - ITS GREAT - BUT I AM ALL FOR WINNERS CONDITIONING THEIR MINDS TO FACE A LOSS- AS AND WHEN IT HAPPENS- AND MARK MY WORDS – IT WILL. THAT IS LIFE AND THIS IS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE. IT WILL BE VERY RARE IF THERE IS SOMEONE WHO HAS NOT FACED A LOSS OR A FAILURE SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE. I HAVE AND I WAS RATHER BROKEN. BUT I SHOOK MYSELF OUT OF THAT PHASE AND MOVED ON – UPWARD AND FORWARD. I AM NO SUPERMAN – FAR FROM IT, BUT I HAD NO OTHER ALTERNATIVE. HOWEVER SMART, HOWEVER INTELLIGENT. HOWEVER DILIGENT YOU ARE, YOU MUST REMEMBER THAT YOU WILL NOT ALWAYS COME OUT A WINNER. THAT TOP OF THE PODIUM FINISH, THAT GOLD MEDAL CAN OFTEN ELUDE YOU AND IT MAY NOT EVEN BE YOUR FAULT. THERE WILL BE LOSSES, FAILURES, DISAPPOINTMENTS, FRUSTRATION, ANGER, REGRETS AND TEARS. SO - YOU DID NOT GET INTO THE COLLEGE OR UNIVERSITY YOU SET YOUR HEART ON. YOU DID NOT GET THE MARKS YOU EXPECTED IN SOME EXAMINATION, YOU DIDN’T GET THE PRIZE, THE JOB, THE POSITION , THE PROMOTION, THE LADY YOU LOVED , THE REWARD YOU WORKED SO HARD FOR . THAT IS THE REALITY OF THE SITUATION. IN THIS WORLD OF CUTTHROAT COMPETITION, WHERE LIFE IS OFTEN UNFAIR AND THINGS DO NOT GO AS PER PLAN, PUPILS AND PARENTS MUST SIT DOWN AND TALK THIS MATTER OVER. WHAT IF? THERE ARE FAR TOO MANY SAD AND DEPRESSING STORIES OF WHAT HAPPENED, WHEN PUPILS AND ADULTS SUFFERED A SET BACK IN AN EXAMINATION OR IN LIFE, AND COULD NOT TAKE THE STRAIN. BEING PREPARED IS THE KEY FOR ALL OF US. MENTAL CONDITIONING IS SOMETHING EVERY SCHOOL NEEDS TO TEACH . REMEMBER – YOU ARE NOT DEFEATED WHEN YOU FAIL – YOU ARE DEFEATED WHEN YOU QUIT. SO, PROMISE YOURSELF THAT YOU WILL NEVER BE A QUITTER, BECAUSE QUITTING IS FOR THE FAINTHEARTED. IF AND WHEN YOU LOSE - YOU NEED MENTAL STRENGTH, EMOTIONAL RESILIENCE AND THE DETERMINATION TO PICK YOURSELF UP, DUST YOURSELF OFF AND TRY AGAIN. NEED I ADD THAT AT TIMES SUCH AS THESE, PARENTAL SUPPORT AND UNDERSTANDING IS CRUCIAL. UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS HAVE HAD CATASTROPHIC ENDINGS AS WELL. SECONDLY – WINNERS ARE SPECIAL PEOPLE AND THEY FULLY DESERVE THE ACCOLADES AND REWARDS. HOWEVER, WINNERS AND CHAMPIONS DON’T JUST SHOW UP & TAKE EVERYTHING THEY CAN – THEY SHOW UP AND GIVE EVERYTHING THEY HAVE. ARE YOU WILLING AND READY TO GO OUT INTO THE WORLD AND GIVE? INTELLIGENT WINNERS MUST ALWAYS STRIVE TO BE MAGNANIMOUS, EMPATHETIC, KIND, HELPFUL AND DOWN TO EARTH. THEY MUST SHOW GRATITUDE, STRIVE TO LEND A HELPING HAND, SHARE ACQUIRED KNOWLEDGE AND EXPERTISE, DO GOOD WHEREVER AND WHENEVER THEY CAN, AND PUT PRIDE AND PREJUDICES ASIDE. THIS WORLD CAN DEFINITELY DO WITH INTELLIGENT, COMPASSIONATE LEADERS. NEED I SAY MORE?! LASTLY – DON’T ALWAYS STRIVE TO COMPETE WITH OTHERS. THE ULTIMATE GOAL IN LIFE SHOULD BE TO REALLY REACH DEEP DOWN, WITHIN THE DEPTHS OF YOUR OWN BEING, MUSTER ALL THE STRENGTH , COURAGE AND DETERMINATION WITHIN YOU, AND COMPETE AGAINST YOURSELF . LIFE IS NOT ALWAYS ABOUT BEING BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE – ITS MORE ABOUT BEING BETTER THAN YOU WERE BEFORE

On being a winner

ON BEING A WINNER I HAVE THREE POINTS FOR YOU TO REFLECT OVER. FIRSTLY – LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, I ENJOY WINNING AND HAVE ALWAYS BEEN COMPETITIVE. NOW YOU WOULD HAVE OFTEN HEARD THE PHRASE – ‘MAKE WINNING A HABIT’- AND ITS DEFINITELY ENCOURAGING AND MOTIVATIONAL. FOR CENTURIES, PARENTS HAVE CELEBRATED AND BEEN ECSTATIC WHEN THEIR CHILDREN HAVE WON ANYTHING – BE IT A SACK RACE ON SPORTS DAY, A POETRY, PAINTING, SINGING OR DANCE COMPETITION OR AN ACADEMIC PRIZE. ITS ALL GOOD . HOWEVER HERE IS THE POINT I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE. THE MORE YOU WIN; THE MORE DIFFICULT IT IS TO FACE A LOSS- BOTH FOR THE CHILD AND THE PARENTS. NOW DON’T GET ME WRONG – I AM NOT AGAINST WINNING - ITS GREAT - BUT I AM ALL FOR WINNERS CONDITIONING THEIR MINDS TO FACE A LOSS- AS AND WHEN IT HAPPENS- AND MARK MY WORDS – IT WILL. THAT IS LIFE AND THIS IS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE. IT WILL BE VERY RARE IF THERE IS SOMEONE WHO HAS NOT FACED A LOSS OR A FAILURE SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE. I HAVE AND I WAS RATHER BROKEN. BUT I SHOOK MYSELF OUT OF THAT PHASE AND MOVED ON – UPWARD AND FORWARD. I AM NO SUPERMAN – FAR FROM IT, BUT I HAD NO OTHER ALTERNATIVE. HOWEVER SMART, HOWEVER INTELLIGENT. HOWEVER DILIGENT YOU ARE, YOU MUST REMEMBER THAT YOU WILL NOT ALWAYS COME OUT A WINNER. THAT TOP OF THE PODIUM FINISH, THAT GOLD MEDAL CAN OFTEN ELUDE YOU AND IT MAY NOT EVEN BE YOUR FAULT. THERE WILL BE LOSSES, FAILURES, DISAPPOINTMENTS, FRUSTRATION, ANGER, REGRETS AND TEARS. SO - YOU DID NOT GET INTO THE COLLEGE OR UNIVERSITY YOU SET YOUR HEART ON. YOU DID NOT GET THE MARKS YOU EXPECTED IN SOME EXAMINATION, YOU DIDN’T GET THE PRIZE, THE JOB, THE POSITION , THE PROMOTION, THE LADY YOU LOVED , THE REWARD YOU WORKED SO HARD FOR . THAT IS THE REALITY OF THE SITUATION. IN THIS WORLD OF CUTTHROAT COMPETITION, WHERE LIFE IS OFTEN UNFAIR AND THINGS DO NOT GO AS PER PLAN, PUPILS AND PARENTS MUST SIT DOWN AND TALK THIS MATTER OVER. WHAT IF? THERE ARE FAR TOO MANY SAD AND DEPRESSING STORIES OF WHAT HAPPENED, WHEN PUPILS AND ADULTS SUFFERED A SET BACK IN AN EXAMINATION OR IN LIFE, AND COULD NOT TAKE THE STRAIN. BEING PREPARED IS THE KEY FOR ALL OF US. MENTAL CONDITIONING IS SOMETHING EVERY SCHOOL NEEDS TO TEACH . REMEMBER – YOU ARE NOT DEFEATED WHEN YOU FAIL – YOU ARE DEFEATED WHEN YOU QUIT. SO, PROMISE YOURSELF THAT YOU WILL NEVER BE A QUITTER, BECAUSE QUITTING IS FOR THE FAINTHEARTED. IF AND WHEN YOU LOSE - YOU NEED MENTAL STRENGTH, EMOTIONAL RESILIENCE AND THE DETERMINATION TO PICK YOURSELF UP, DUST YOURSELF OFF AND TRY AGAIN. NEED I ADD THAT AT TIMES SUCH AS THESE, PARENTAL SUPPORT AND UNDERSTANDING IS CRUCIAL. UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS HAVE HAD CATASTROPHIC ENDINGS AS WELL. SECONDLY – WINNERS ARE SPECIAL PEOPLE AND THEY FULLY DESERVE THE ACCOLADES AND REWARDS. HOWEVER, WINNERS AND CHAMPIONS DON’T JUST SHOW UP & TAKE EVERYTHING THEY CAN – THEY SHOW UP AND GIVE EVERYTHING THEY HAVE. ARE YOU WILLING AND READY TO GO OUT INTO THE WORLD AND GIVE? INTELLIGENT WINNERS MUST ALWAYS STRIVE TO BE MAGNANIMOUS, EMPATHETIC, KIND, HELPFUL AND DOWN TO EARTH. THEY MUST SHOW GRATITUDE, STRIVE TO LEND A HELPING HAND, SHARE ACQUIRED KNOWLEDGE AND EXPERTISE, DO GOOD WHEREVER AND WHENEVER THEY CAN, AND PUT PRIDE AND PREJUDICES ASIDE. THIS WORLD CAN DEFINITELY DO WITH INTELLIGENT, COMPASSIONATE LEADERS. NEED I SAY MORE?! LASTLY – DON’T ALWAYS STRIVE TO COMPETE WITH OTHERS. THE ULTIMATE GOAL IN LIFE SHOULD BE TO REALLY REACH DEEP DOWN, WITHIN THE DEPTHS OF YOUR OWN BEING, MUSTER ALL THE STRENGTH , COURAGE AND DETERMINATION WITHIN YOU, AND COMPETE AGAINST YOURSELF . LIFE IS NOT ALWAYS ABOUT BEING BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE – ITS MORE ABOUT BEING BETTER THAN YOU WERE BEFORE

I need to purchase a phone

My Samsung Note 9 has served me well over the last two years and I feel it is now time to upgrade as I have begun to face a few issues. Repairing phones is quite a costly proposition here in the UAE, and one is not sure of the outcome either, so I guess a new phone it will be. Went to see if I could have it repaired two days ago. The technician in the first shop had one look at the phone, smiled sarcastically, looked me in the eye and told me, in no uncertain terms & rather brazenly, to throw it out and purchase a new phone. The man in the adjoining shop also smiled, though in a gentler manner, and told me he could repair it for the tidy sum of seven hundred dirhams, but he could not give any guarantee as to how long it would last. I was more inclined to believe the first chap despite his brash demeanour. The second appeared a trifle slimy and I could tell he was lying. I walked out from both shops thanking them for their help. I am polite by nature and it takes a lot to ruffle me. Meanwhile, have also been asking around and while some say that I should stick with Samsung, which is very reliable, others are advising me to shift to Apple- supposedly a world class phone. The way they say ‘Apple’ almost makes me feel like a peasant. People who know me well also know that I hate to be rushed into anything & that I am prone to take my time with such purchases. (TM and SM, I hope you are taking note) And this is where I am in a bit of a quandary. I know there is a big ongoing debate on Samsung vs Apple, and both have their supporters and detractors. However, the jury still seems to be out on this one and Google just seems determined to confuse the world – especially me. I guess there are so many factors to be considered. There is first and foremost the cost factor, as I don’t want to go over the top because , while I won’t be asked details about the phone or the price , there may be remarks about ‘unnecessary expenditure’ when I return with the new phone. Then of course there is the issue of reliability, value for money, size, camera, storage space, looks and other specifications, some of which are a tad too technical for me. I know little and am not interested in Gpu, SoC, VOLTE, NFC, Ultra pixels , Amoled & Bezels – I just want a neat looking smartphone , hardy, large and with a good camera because of late I have begun to fancy myself as a bit of a photographer. Not attempting to win the The Pulitzer Prize for Photography or the Photo of the year or anything so dramatic, but I have clicked a few good snaps of flowers , people , buildings, sun sets and animals ( my cat )and many friends have appreciated the same. Maybe they are just being polite, but I feel encouraged! Unlike my spectacles which I often misplace, this does not happen with my phone, but frankly I will need to be more careful with my new instrument when I get it. Thinking about it, my poor Samsung has seen some rather rough treatment too and that has probably caused it to almost bow down its head and give up the spirit. I have dropped it, stamped on it, wet it, scratched it , almost boiled it , left it near a heat source ( read gas stove), over charged it ( probably time and time again )- everything but thrown it out of the window . And oh yes – I once almost dropped it three floors while attempting to take a photograph of a sandstorm! What is with these sandstorms! Last week I ventured out to look around and survey the ‘phone scene’ in a mall. There to my utter dismay I happened to bang into a ‘smartphone aficionado friend’ . Now what were the odds of that happening? Please don’t get me wrong – he is a nice affable chap , a little loud & a trifle over friendly but good hearted and simple . I made sure he did not hug me as he often does, what with Covid and social distancing and all that frightening stuff – so we banged fists and I half suspected he had become a gym freak, as my fingers hurt after that greeting and I recoiled back in pain but it seemed to have gone unnoticed as he was all jovial and brimming with energy thereafter ! Those ‘not a care in the world’ types I am sure you have met such people in your life too –they seem to be everywhere - big prints on the colourful shirt , jelled wavy hair , blue jeans , track shoes , wrist bands , stuff hanging around the neck, smelling of cologne, rather boisterous- they shake your hand and keep pumping well after you are ready to let go , seem so eager to have met you – shake hands again and smile from ear to ear . Like the good guy I think I am, I said ‘hi’, and smiled warmly although I do not know him that well. Then as a matter of small talk I mentioned that I was looking to buy a new phone. The moment I uttered that sentence I regretted it, and I am sure my face went pale, but it was too late – the deed was done. That did it. His eyes lit up - he took me aside and told me that he had just done a very detailed market analysis as he too wanted to buy a phone. He whipped out a Nokia and seeing it, I became nostalgic as that was the first brand I used. What followed was about forty-five minutes of questioning, information and data driven conversation. Actually it was not a conversation – it was more like a lecture on smartphones as he was the only one talking, while I nodded, yawned, looked around for help in any form , scratched my head in desperation , rolled my eyes , looked at my watch , looked surprised , looked interested , probably looked bored and what have you . All the above apparently had little effect on him as he was so wrapped up in his discourse and his expertise. I could swear I felt a fever coming on. He then asked for my phone which I handed to him meekly with the password to open it as well .He then gave it a quick authoritative ‘lookover’ and needless to add, as expected , he condemned it in no uncertain terms almost making me feel like trashing it there and then . He advised me to go for a Nokia and offered to shop along with me. You would have guessed my answer to that one. Forty-five minutes of my life wasted, and I am now more confused than ever. This morning when I looked at the phone it seemed to be blinking- almost begging me to retire it & put it out to pasture. This weekend the deed will be done.