Sunday, 14 June 2015
Stories from here and there: Friday shopping in a hypermarket in Dubai
Stories from here and there: Friday shopping in a hypermarket in Dubai: Lulu hypermarket in Dubai is a great place to shop on a Friday morning . You see all types of people and it's fun. Went there yester...
Stories from here and there: Friday shopping in a hypermarket in Dubai
Stories from here and there: Friday shopping in a hypermarket in Dubai: Lulu hypermarket in Dubai is a great place to shop on a Friday morning . You see all types of people and it's fun. Went there yester...
Friday shopping in a hypermarket in Dubai
Lulu hypermarket in Dubai is a great place to shop on a Friday morning .
You see all types of people and it's fun. Went there yesterday - yes to shop . To push the trolley and pay actually . You know what that means .
So here I was standing and watching ....
A family back from church - the wife in a sari and there was gold - quite a lot of it actually . Was she a jewellers' daughter ?
Two kids - one a teen - dead bored - busy on the mobile and least interested .When asked which biscuits she wanted for school she sneered and shrugged . The younger chap - about 6 years old was a keen shopper - he wanted about 3 types of biscuits and that was the first thing in the trolley . He then got himself a juice - he opened it and gulped it down before you could say Lulu !
The sari clad lady was obviously stocking up for a flood or a famine - many kilograms of vegetables & fruit . About three dozen bananas ( maybe they had a monkey as a pet), sugar, flour , packets and packets of tea leaves , a few bottles of coffee and biscuits of all kinds for a very large tea party . Chicken and mutton - I could not see but probably there were chocolates by the dozen. She definitley loved milk as well . Low fat , Full fat, Rich in Calcium and Skimmed - she had them all . Different species of cats at home maybe - one never knows .
By the time she was done with shopping there were two overfull trolleys , one hassled husband and two tired children. She looked as if she still wanted to buy more .
There are the newly weds - married and back in Dubai after the ceremony . Hubby has been here earlier so he knows Lulu like the back of his palm . She has flowers in her hair and looks cute and bright eyed . She is thin . She has not yet sampled the burgers and the fries .
Its their first trip out obviously and so they need to stock up . She is holding his arm and he looks a trifle embarassed . They are simpering and she is looking him in the eye . He is in Jeans and a fake Armani T shirt . New sneakers complete the man .
He has control of the trolley - There is a comforter and two pillows , a few pans, a pressure cooker , a mop and broom , detergent , toiletries . He wants to buy tissues ( in case friends drop in ) she says she hates tissues . He buys one box . He is the earning member you see .
Next they argue over the fruit - nothing serious - a smiley arguement . He is a mango guy and she loves oranges . So oranges it is, as he does not want to upset her, lest she demand to phone her mother and that will cost more than the oranges -They buy 6 of them - there are only two of them you see . She is confused - there are 8 types. He picks up the cheapest ones - oranges are oranges .
The choice of detergent takes ages - he swears by Lulu detergent . His arguement - you pay less and you get more . She is an Ariel babe . He sticks to his guns - she gives him a loving nudge and he smiles and picks up a 1 kg pack . You win some - you lose some .
She wants to buy chicken . He agrees . He is probably wondering and hoping she can cook . (She looks like the MAGGI types ).
There are many different brands of chicken and he does not know the difference but pretends he does . He picks up one . She wants small pieces . He wants the skin removed . She says its a waste of money . They argue . His patience is wearing thin . Not sure what happened - I think they ended up buys eggs as they both were afraid of offending each other. Awwwwww!!!!!
Quite a few exercise freaks as well- wannabees - some the Nike types and true to the brand- shoes , T shirt, shorts , socks, wrist bands , sweat band on the head - if Nike make it they buy it and wear it - all at the same time . The perfect gulfie .
Then there is the mix and match type- Addidas T shirt, Everlast track pant, Nike shoes , unbranded socks , Adidas cap- it must be worn back to the front , and some coloured bracelet. A small towel on the shoulder. He is my age and bald- but thinks he is 21. Stretching and twisting his torso - trying to catch a glimpse of himself in the showcase . Looked like a salesman - I dont know why but thats the feeling I got . I could be wrong .
The biggest joke is that these so called Gym junkies are panting while pushing the trolley - they are perspiring - after just one aisle mind you ! Not sure if they go to the gym in the first place . They probably do - only on a Friday - and then they come shopping !
Then there are shorts - people in Dubai are obsessed with shorts and they wear them at any time - the place and the occasion does not matter - nor does their shape . What better place than Lulu on a Friday morning .
So there are the normal knee length shorts , there are short shorts , there are the three quarters . There are women in men's shorts and vice versa ( couples ) . So there was this lady in shorts a tad too tight and a trifle too short and she looked hideous . Did her husband not notice ? Or maybe he enjoyed letting her look silly . Maybe they had had a fight that morning and this was his way of revenge ! Whatever be the reason she was a sight for sore eyes . And she kept pulling and adjusting them between her legs . Some shorts have stuff written on them as well and I swear this is not made up . On her shorts and accross her dierrie was the word "JUICY ". Maybe this is the name of a brand- I am not sure but ...........JUICY ?? for goodness sake .
What about T shirts . You get terrific ones - all brands , colours, sizes . You name it and you can find it but come Friday morning and the strangest ones are fetched from the back of the cupboard and worn . They are usually crushed . Ironed tshirts are are not cool anymore . The more shabby and crushed - the better .
Why in heavens name would you wear a T shirt if you dont have the body for one in the first place . And when you have the body for one , must you chose a T Shirt that has funny and inappropriate stuff scrawled all over .
So there was this scrawny guy with "TRY ME" . Another with a big face of a fierce looking animal - Looked like a tiger - He was the meakest looking guy in the whole hypermarket . Then there was this old gent - grey hair , balding and spectacles that were thick and ugly . His T shirt had "MEAN STREAK" . Mean streak ?? Was he crazy . He looked like a priest .
Then you have BEATLES/ SCORPIONS and YUMMY ! Skulls, Hearts , and Faces are also common.
One elderly lady had "I LUV GRANDMA" on her back and her companion - a very tall thin gent had" BRAINS " on his . Pardon me and I dont mean to be rude but he looked rather brainless as he had a perpetual smile on his face- but then as they say - looks are deceptive .
Woman are not to be left far behind . In the first place the T shirt is often a size too small and then it has strange words- DON' T LOOK HERE , KISS ME , DON'T STARE ( on her back ) . Some stuff is embarassing to write about so I wont - leaving it to your fertile imagination . ( You wicked Bishops Boys I mean YOU )
Of course there are the usual fat guys with the names of Footballers and the ever so famous "FLY EMIRATES ". Messi and Ronaldo often vie for space on paunch .
While many of the tshirts are the Originals , a large no are the copies - with words often misspelt as well .
Of course there are the kids pushing empty trolleys down one aisle after the other . You need to stay far and stay safe . Often sibblings race trolleys - if you're not careful they will bang into you from the front , back or side . They will bang the back of your ankle and cause you to wince in pain or push the trolley over your toes and look sheepish . When that happens , parents immediately disown them and look away / walk away - they know fully well that is the easiest thing to do . No adult wants to get into a slanging match with a kid - definitely not in Dubai. You swallow hard , grind your teeth and walk away in pain .
Ok here is something strange and it usually happens on a busy Friday . Guys with no better entertainment come to Lulu to do imaginary shopping . It is sad but quite painful for the Lulu employees as well . So this is what they do. They spend a few hours in the Hypermarket - walking around, checking prices , discussing brands with a friend ( This is only guys ) and filling up the trolley . They go to all the girls who are giving out free samples - so they have coffee, tea, juice, flavoured milk, biscuits , cheese etc. Then when they are either tired, fed up or full they just leave the trolley in the aisle and walk away and go home . It's easy , its fun and much more interesting than sitting in a small room with 15 other men and chatting . The rooms probably don't smell very good as well .
Decision making about what to buy often takes up a lot of time - which brand, what size. how many or how much . Then there are the offers - Buy two soaps and get two free , 6 tubes of tooth paste and get 4 tooth brushes free , two packets of flour taped together, 2 bottles of oil taped together with 20 % extra printed on the tape . It's confusing , it's interesting , it gets you calculating . In the end one is not sure if its a marketing scam or a genuine offer but it sure looks good and very very tempting .
More often than not people end up buying stuff they do not want , do not need and may never use - Of if you buy it your left using it for a year .
I once showed interest in a sale of 6 tubes of tooth paste and then realized that the expiry date was 6 months away . With it were 2 scrubbers for cleaning ovens and one tooth brush free . A strange combination . Did I mention that some of the sales people are very persistant and it's so difficult to refuse them . I have to admit that rather than offend them , I have - on few occasions - this was one of them - taken what they have shown me and left it on a shelf in another aisle !
The payment counters are another thing altogether . There are about 10 counters and about 50 people with full trolleys waiting to pay at any given time . ( This is where a lot of the ankle and shin banging takes place )
So you get in line and wait your turn . You watch people getting impatient - scolding and smacking kids who are tired and fed up . They look around and dart into a line that seems to be moving faster . Then there is a hold up and husband and wife argue as to whose falult it was to change lines .
Then there are the bags . Lulu loves bags and obvioulsy has more bags than they need so you get 6 bananas in a bag , then tea leaves and coffee in another , some vegetables in one , fruit in another. By the time your Friday purchases are done with you have about 30 bags of various sizes - usually bigger than necessary .
You pay and if its sale time you get lucky coupons - Spend 100 dhms and that gets you one . Some are Scratch & Win , some are Lucky raffle draw . I have scratched and not won - it reads - Better luck next time - Try again ! Am still trying. Maybe I will have better luck next time or the time after the next time !
The coupons take ages to fill in and when you see about 20000 in the box you lose hope . But someone has to win . Maybe me ! Maybe next time !
Not sure but I am yet to win anything . Probably when I do it will be the Camry with the big red bow .
If I am lucky it may be the 4 KG gold . OMG how will I take the gold to India . Now thats worrying me . Any ideas ?
I will wait , I will fill in the coupons diligently and I will continue to shop at Lulu . When I win I will write about it and tell you all .
And no - I dont go shopping in shorts or in T shirts with funny writing .
You see all types of people and it's fun. Went there yesterday - yes to shop . To push the trolley and pay actually . You know what that means .
So here I was standing and watching ....
A family back from church - the wife in a sari and there was gold - quite a lot of it actually . Was she a jewellers' daughter ?
Two kids - one a teen - dead bored - busy on the mobile and least interested .When asked which biscuits she wanted for school she sneered and shrugged . The younger chap - about 6 years old was a keen shopper - he wanted about 3 types of biscuits and that was the first thing in the trolley . He then got himself a juice - he opened it and gulped it down before you could say Lulu !
The sari clad lady was obviously stocking up for a flood or a famine - many kilograms of vegetables & fruit . About three dozen bananas ( maybe they had a monkey as a pet), sugar, flour , packets and packets of tea leaves , a few bottles of coffee and biscuits of all kinds for a very large tea party . Chicken and mutton - I could not see but probably there were chocolates by the dozen. She definitley loved milk as well . Low fat , Full fat, Rich in Calcium and Skimmed - she had them all . Different species of cats at home maybe - one never knows .
By the time she was done with shopping there were two overfull trolleys , one hassled husband and two tired children. She looked as if she still wanted to buy more .
There are the newly weds - married and back in Dubai after the ceremony . Hubby has been here earlier so he knows Lulu like the back of his palm . She has flowers in her hair and looks cute and bright eyed . She is thin . She has not yet sampled the burgers and the fries .
Its their first trip out obviously and so they need to stock up . She is holding his arm and he looks a trifle embarassed . They are simpering and she is looking him in the eye . He is in Jeans and a fake Armani T shirt . New sneakers complete the man .
He has control of the trolley - There is a comforter and two pillows , a few pans, a pressure cooker , a mop and broom , detergent , toiletries . He wants to buy tissues ( in case friends drop in ) she says she hates tissues . He buys one box . He is the earning member you see .
Next they argue over the fruit - nothing serious - a smiley arguement . He is a mango guy and she loves oranges . So oranges it is, as he does not want to upset her, lest she demand to phone her mother and that will cost more than the oranges -They buy 6 of them - there are only two of them you see . She is confused - there are 8 types. He picks up the cheapest ones - oranges are oranges .
The choice of detergent takes ages - he swears by Lulu detergent . His arguement - you pay less and you get more . She is an Ariel babe . He sticks to his guns - she gives him a loving nudge and he smiles and picks up a 1 kg pack . You win some - you lose some .
She wants to buy chicken . He agrees . He is probably wondering and hoping she can cook . (She looks like the MAGGI types ).
There are many different brands of chicken and he does not know the difference but pretends he does . He picks up one . She wants small pieces . He wants the skin removed . She says its a waste of money . They argue . His patience is wearing thin . Not sure what happened - I think they ended up buys eggs as they both were afraid of offending each other. Awwwwww!!!!!
Quite a few exercise freaks as well- wannabees - some the Nike types and true to the brand- shoes , T shirt, shorts , socks, wrist bands , sweat band on the head - if Nike make it they buy it and wear it - all at the same time . The perfect gulfie .
Then there is the mix and match type- Addidas T shirt, Everlast track pant, Nike shoes , unbranded socks , Adidas cap- it must be worn back to the front , and some coloured bracelet. A small towel on the shoulder. He is my age and bald- but thinks he is 21. Stretching and twisting his torso - trying to catch a glimpse of himself in the showcase . Looked like a salesman - I dont know why but thats the feeling I got . I could be wrong .
The biggest joke is that these so called Gym junkies are panting while pushing the trolley - they are perspiring - after just one aisle mind you ! Not sure if they go to the gym in the first place . They probably do - only on a Friday - and then they come shopping !
Then there are shorts - people in Dubai are obsessed with shorts and they wear them at any time - the place and the occasion does not matter - nor does their shape . What better place than Lulu on a Friday morning .
So there are the normal knee length shorts , there are short shorts , there are the three quarters . There are women in men's shorts and vice versa ( couples ) . So there was this lady in shorts a tad too tight and a trifle too short and she looked hideous . Did her husband not notice ? Or maybe he enjoyed letting her look silly . Maybe they had had a fight that morning and this was his way of revenge ! Whatever be the reason she was a sight for sore eyes . And she kept pulling and adjusting them between her legs . Some shorts have stuff written on them as well and I swear this is not made up . On her shorts and accross her dierrie was the word "JUICY ". Maybe this is the name of a brand- I am not sure but ...........JUICY ?? for goodness sake .
What about T shirts . You get terrific ones - all brands , colours, sizes . You name it and you can find it but come Friday morning and the strangest ones are fetched from the back of the cupboard and worn . They are usually crushed . Ironed tshirts are are not cool anymore . The more shabby and crushed - the better .
Why in heavens name would you wear a T shirt if you dont have the body for one in the first place . And when you have the body for one , must you chose a T Shirt that has funny and inappropriate stuff scrawled all over .
So there was this scrawny guy with "TRY ME" . Another with a big face of a fierce looking animal - Looked like a tiger - He was the meakest looking guy in the whole hypermarket . Then there was this old gent - grey hair , balding and spectacles that were thick and ugly . His T shirt had "MEAN STREAK" . Mean streak ?? Was he crazy . He looked like a priest .
Then you have BEATLES/ SCORPIONS and YUMMY ! Skulls, Hearts , and Faces are also common.
One elderly lady had "I LUV GRANDMA" on her back and her companion - a very tall thin gent had" BRAINS " on his . Pardon me and I dont mean to be rude but he looked rather brainless as he had a perpetual smile on his face- but then as they say - looks are deceptive .
Woman are not to be left far behind . In the first place the T shirt is often a size too small and then it has strange words- DON' T LOOK HERE , KISS ME , DON'T STARE ( on her back ) . Some stuff is embarassing to write about so I wont - leaving it to your fertile imagination . ( You wicked Bishops Boys I mean YOU )
Of course there are the usual fat guys with the names of Footballers and the ever so famous "FLY EMIRATES ". Messi and Ronaldo often vie for space on paunch .
While many of the tshirts are the Originals , a large no are the copies - with words often misspelt as well .
Of course there are the kids pushing empty trolleys down one aisle after the other . You need to stay far and stay safe . Often sibblings race trolleys - if you're not careful they will bang into you from the front , back or side . They will bang the back of your ankle and cause you to wince in pain or push the trolley over your toes and look sheepish . When that happens , parents immediately disown them and look away / walk away - they know fully well that is the easiest thing to do . No adult wants to get into a slanging match with a kid - definitely not in Dubai. You swallow hard , grind your teeth and walk away in pain .
Ok here is something strange and it usually happens on a busy Friday . Guys with no better entertainment come to Lulu to do imaginary shopping . It is sad but quite painful for the Lulu employees as well . So this is what they do. They spend a few hours in the Hypermarket - walking around, checking prices , discussing brands with a friend ( This is only guys ) and filling up the trolley . They go to all the girls who are giving out free samples - so they have coffee, tea, juice, flavoured milk, biscuits , cheese etc. Then when they are either tired, fed up or full they just leave the trolley in the aisle and walk away and go home . It's easy , its fun and much more interesting than sitting in a small room with 15 other men and chatting . The rooms probably don't smell very good as well .
Decision making about what to buy often takes up a lot of time - which brand, what size. how many or how much . Then there are the offers - Buy two soaps and get two free , 6 tubes of tooth paste and get 4 tooth brushes free , two packets of flour taped together, 2 bottles of oil taped together with 20 % extra printed on the tape . It's confusing , it's interesting , it gets you calculating . In the end one is not sure if its a marketing scam or a genuine offer but it sure looks good and very very tempting .
More often than not people end up buying stuff they do not want , do not need and may never use - Of if you buy it your left using it for a year .
I once showed interest in a sale of 6 tubes of tooth paste and then realized that the expiry date was 6 months away . With it were 2 scrubbers for cleaning ovens and one tooth brush free . A strange combination . Did I mention that some of the sales people are very persistant and it's so difficult to refuse them . I have to admit that rather than offend them , I have - on few occasions - this was one of them - taken what they have shown me and left it on a shelf in another aisle !
The payment counters are another thing altogether . There are about 10 counters and about 50 people with full trolleys waiting to pay at any given time . ( This is where a lot of the ankle and shin banging takes place )
So you get in line and wait your turn . You watch people getting impatient - scolding and smacking kids who are tired and fed up . They look around and dart into a line that seems to be moving faster . Then there is a hold up and husband and wife argue as to whose falult it was to change lines .
Then there are the bags . Lulu loves bags and obvioulsy has more bags than they need so you get 6 bananas in a bag , then tea leaves and coffee in another , some vegetables in one , fruit in another. By the time your Friday purchases are done with you have about 30 bags of various sizes - usually bigger than necessary .
You pay and if its sale time you get lucky coupons - Spend 100 dhms and that gets you one . Some are Scratch & Win , some are Lucky raffle draw . I have scratched and not won - it reads - Better luck next time - Try again ! Am still trying. Maybe I will have better luck next time or the time after the next time !
The coupons take ages to fill in and when you see about 20000 in the box you lose hope . But someone has to win . Maybe me ! Maybe next time !
Not sure but I am yet to win anything . Probably when I do it will be the Camry with the big red bow .
If I am lucky it may be the 4 KG gold . OMG how will I take the gold to India . Now thats worrying me . Any ideas ?
I will wait , I will fill in the coupons diligently and I will continue to shop at Lulu . When I win I will write about it and tell you all .
And no - I dont go shopping in shorts or in T shirts with funny writing .
Friday shopping in a hypermarket in Dubai
Lulu hypermarket in Dubai is a great place to shop on a Friday morning .
You see all types of people and it's fun. Went there yesterday - yes to shop . To push the trolley and pay actually . You know what that means .
So here I was standing and watching ....
A family back from church - the wife in a sari and there was gold - quite a lot of it actually . Was she a jewellers' daughter ?
Two kids - one a teen - dead bored - busy on the mobile and least interested .When asked which biscuits she wanted for school she sneered and shrugged . The younger chap - about 6 years old was a keen shopper - he wanted about 3 types of biscuits and that was the first thing in the trolley . He then got himself a juice - he opened it and gulped it down before you could say Lulu !
The sari clad lady was obviously stocking up for a flood or a famine - many kilograms of vegetables & fruit . About three dozen bananas ( maybe they had a monkey as a pet), sugar, flour , packets and packets of tea leaves , a few bottles of coffee and biscuits of all kinds for a very large tea party . Chicken and mutton - I could not see but probably there were chocolates by the dozen. She definitley loved milk as well . Low fat , Full fat, Rich in Calcium and Skimmed - she had them all . Different species of cats at home maybe - one never knows .
By the time she was done with shopping there were two overfull trolleys , one hassled husband and two tired children. She looked as if she still wanted to buy more .
There are the newly weds - married and back in Dubai after the ceremony . Hubby has been here earlier so he knows Lulu like the back of his palm . She has flowers in her hair and looks cute and bright eyed . She is thin . She has not yet sampled the burgers and the fries .
Its their first trip out obviously and so they need to stock up . She is holding his arm and he looks a trifle embarassed . They are simpering and she is looking him in the eye . He is in Jeans and a fake Armani T shirt . New sneakers complete the man .
He has control of the trolley - There is a comforter and two pillows , a few pans, a pressure cooker , a mop and broom , detergent , toiletries . He wants to buy tissues ( in case friends drop in ) she says she hates tissues . He buys one box . He is the earning member you see .
Next they argue over the fruit - nothing serious - a smiley arguement . He is a mango guy and she loves oranges . So oranges it is, as he does not want to upset her, lest she demand to phone her mother and that will cost more than the oranges -They buy 6 of them - there are only two of them you see . She is confused - there are 8 types. He picks up the cheapest ones - oranges are oranges .
The choice of detergent takes ages - he swears by Lulu detergent . His arguement - you pay less and you get more . She is an Ariel babe . He sticks to his guns - she gives him a loving nudge and he smiles and picks up a 1 kg pack . You win some - you lose some .
She wants to buy chicken . He agrees . He is probably wondering and hoping she can cook . (She looks like the MAGGI types ).
There are many different brands of chicken and he does not know the difference but pretends he does . He picks up one . She wants small pieces . He wants the skin removed . She says its a waste of money . They argue . His patience is wearing thin . Not sure what happened - I think they ended up buys eggs as they both were afraid of offending each other. Awwwwww!!!!!
Quite a few exercise freaks as well- wannabees - some the Nike types and true to the brand- shoes , T shirt, shorts , socks, wrist bands , sweat band on the head - if Nike make it they buy it and wear it - all at the same time . The perfect gulfie .
Then there is the mix and match type- Addidas T shirt, Everlast track pant, Nike shoes , unbranded socks , Adidas cap- it must be worn back to the front , and some coloured bracelet. A small towel on the shoulder. He is my age and bald- but thinks he is 21. Stretching and twisting his torso - trying to catch a glimpse of himself in the showcase . Looked like a salesman - I dont know why but thats the feeling I got . I could be wrong .
The biggest joke is that these so called Gym junkies are panting while pushing the trolley - they are perspiring - after just one aisle mind you ! Not sure if they go to the gym in the first place . They probably do - only on a Friday - and then they come shopping !
Then there are shorts - people in Dubai are obsessed with shorts and they wear them at any time - the place and the occasion does not matter - nor does their shape . What better place than Lulu on a Friday morning .
So there are the normal knee length shorts , there are short shorts , there are the three quarters . There are women in men's shorts and vice versa ( couples ) . So there was this lady in shorts a tad too tight and a trifle too short and she looked hideous . Did her husband not notice ? Or maybe he enjoyed letting her look silly . Maybe they had had a fight that morning and this was his way of revenge ! Whatever be the reason she was a sight for sore eyes . And she kept pulling and adjusting them between her legs . Some shorts have stuff written on them as well and I swear this is not made up . On her shorts and accross her dierrie was the word "JUICY ". Maybe this is the name of a brand- I am not sure but ...........JUICY ?? for goodness sake .
What about T shirts . You get terrific ones - all brands , colours, sizes . You name it and you can find it but come Friday morning and the strangest ones are fetched from the back of the cupboard and worn . They are usually crushed . Ironed tshirts are are not cool anymore . The more shabby and crushed - the better .
Why in heavens name would you wear a T shirt if you dont have the body for one in the first place . And when you have the body for one , must you chose a T Shirt that has funny and inappropriate stuff scrawled all over .
So there was this scrawny guy with "TRY ME" . Another with a big face of a fierce looking animal - Looked like a tiger - He was the meakest looking guy in the whole hypermarket . Then there was this old gent - grey hair , balding and spectacles that were thick and ugly . His T shirt had "MEAN STREAK" . Mean streak ?? Was he crazy . He looked like a priest .
Then you have BEATLES/ SCORPIONS and YUMMY ! Skulls, Hearts , and Faces are also common.
One elderly lady had "I LUV GRANDMA" on her back and her companion - a very tall thin gent had" BRAINS " on his . Pardon me and I dont mean to be rude but he looked rather brainless as he had a perpetual smile on his face- but then as they say - looks are deceptive .
Woman are not to be left far behind . In the first place the T shirt is often a size too small and then it has strange words- DON' T LOOK HERE , KISS ME , DON'T STARE ( on her back ) . Some stuff is embarassing to write about so I wont - leaving it to your fertile imagination . ( You wicked Bishops Boys I mean YOU )
Of course there are the usual fat guys with the names of Footballers and the ever so famous "FLY EMIRATES ". Messi and Ronaldo often vie for space on paunch .
While many of the tshirts are the Originals , a large no are the copies - with words often misspelt as well .
Of course there are the kids pushing empty trolleys down one aisle after the other . You need to stay far and stay safe . Often sibblings race trolleys - if you're not careful they will bang into you from the front , back or side . They will bang the back of your ankle and cause you to wince in pain or push the trolley over your toes and look sheepish . When that happens , parents immediately disown them and look away / walk away - they know fully well that is the easiest thing to do . No adult wants to get into a slanging match with a kid - definitely not in Dubai. You swallow hard , grind your teeth and walk away in pain .
Ok here is something strange and it usually happens on a busy Friday . Guys with no better entertainment come to Lulu to do imaginary shopping . It is sad but quite painful for the Lulu employees as well . So this is what they do. They spend a few hours in the Hypermarket - walking around, checking prices , discussing brands with a friend ( This is only guys ) and filling up the trolley . They go to all the girls who are giving out free samples - so they have coffee, tea, juice, flavoured milk, biscuits , cheese etc. Then when they are either tired, fed up or full they just leave the trolley in the aisle and walk away and go home . It's easy , its fun and much more interesting than sitting in a small room with 15 other men and chatting . The rooms probably don't smell very good as well .
Decision making about what to buy often takes up a lot of time - which brand, what size. how many or how much . Then there are the offers - Buy two soaps and get two free , 6 tubes of tooth paste and get 4 tooth brushes free , two packets of flour taped together, 2 bottles of oil taped together with 20 % extra printed on the tape . It's confusing , it's interesting , it gets you calculating . In the end one is not sure if its a marketing scam or a genuine offer but it sure looks good and very very tempting .
More often than not people end up buying stuff they do not want , do not need and may never use - Of if you buy it your left using it for a year .
I once showed interest in a sale of 6 tubes of tooth paste and then realized that the expiry date was 6 months away . With it were 2 scrubbers for cleaning ovens and one tooth brush free . A strange combination . Did I mention that some of the sales people are very persistant and it's so difficult to refuse them . I have to admit that rather than offend them , I have - on few occasions - this was one of them - taken what they have shown me and left it on a shelf in another aisle !
The payment counters are another thing altogether . There are about 10 counters and about 50 people with full trolleys waiting to pay at any given time . ( This is where a lot of the ankle and shin banging takes place )
So you get in line and wait your turn . You watch people getting impatient - scolding and smacking kids who are tired and fed up . They look around and dart into a line that seems to be moving faster . Then there is a hold up and husband and wife argue as to whose falult it was to change lines .
Then there are the bags . Lulu loves bags and obvioulsy has more bags than they need so you get 6 bananas in a bag , then tea leaves and coffee in another , some vegetables in one , fruit in another. By the time your Friday purchases are done with you have about 30 bags of various sizes - usually bigger than necessary .
You pay and if its sale time you get lucky coupons - Spend 100 dhms and that gets you one . Some are Scratch & Win , some are Lucky raffle draw . I have scratched and not won - it reads - Better luck next time - Try again ! Am still trying. Maybe I will have better luck next time or the time after the next time !
The coupons take ages to fill in and when you see about 20000 in the box you lose hope . But someone has to win . Maybe me ! Maybe next time !
Not sure but I am yet to win anything . Probably when I do it will be the Camry with the big red bow .
If I am lucky it may be the 4 KG gold . OMG how will I take the gold to India . Now thats worrying me . Any ideas ?
I will wait , I will fill in the coupons diligently and I will continue to shop at Lulu . When I win I will write about it and tell you all .
And no - I dont go shopping in shorts or in T shirts with funny writing .
You see all types of people and it's fun. Went there yesterday - yes to shop . To push the trolley and pay actually . You know what that means .
So here I was standing and watching ....
A family back from church - the wife in a sari and there was gold - quite a lot of it actually . Was she a jewellers' daughter ?
Two kids - one a teen - dead bored - busy on the mobile and least interested .When asked which biscuits she wanted for school she sneered and shrugged . The younger chap - about 6 years old was a keen shopper - he wanted about 3 types of biscuits and that was the first thing in the trolley . He then got himself a juice - he opened it and gulped it down before you could say Lulu !
The sari clad lady was obviously stocking up for a flood or a famine - many kilograms of vegetables & fruit . About three dozen bananas ( maybe they had a monkey as a pet), sugar, flour , packets and packets of tea leaves , a few bottles of coffee and biscuits of all kinds for a very large tea party . Chicken and mutton - I could not see but probably there were chocolates by the dozen. She definitley loved milk as well . Low fat , Full fat, Rich in Calcium and Skimmed - she had them all . Different species of cats at home maybe - one never knows .
By the time she was done with shopping there were two overfull trolleys , one hassled husband and two tired children. She looked as if she still wanted to buy more .
There are the newly weds - married and back in Dubai after the ceremony . Hubby has been here earlier so he knows Lulu like the back of his palm . She has flowers in her hair and looks cute and bright eyed . She is thin . She has not yet sampled the burgers and the fries .
Its their first trip out obviously and so they need to stock up . She is holding his arm and he looks a trifle embarassed . They are simpering and she is looking him in the eye . He is in Jeans and a fake Armani T shirt . New sneakers complete the man .
He has control of the trolley - There is a comforter and two pillows , a few pans, a pressure cooker , a mop and broom , detergent , toiletries . He wants to buy tissues ( in case friends drop in ) she says she hates tissues . He buys one box . He is the earning member you see .
Next they argue over the fruit - nothing serious - a smiley arguement . He is a mango guy and she loves oranges . So oranges it is, as he does not want to upset her, lest she demand to phone her mother and that will cost more than the oranges -They buy 6 of them - there are only two of them you see . She is confused - there are 8 types. He picks up the cheapest ones - oranges are oranges .
The choice of detergent takes ages - he swears by Lulu detergent . His arguement - you pay less and you get more . She is an Ariel babe . He sticks to his guns - she gives him a loving nudge and he smiles and picks up a 1 kg pack . You win some - you lose some .
She wants to buy chicken . He agrees . He is probably wondering and hoping she can cook . (She looks like the MAGGI types ).
There are many different brands of chicken and he does not know the difference but pretends he does . He picks up one . She wants small pieces . He wants the skin removed . She says its a waste of money . They argue . His patience is wearing thin . Not sure what happened - I think they ended up buys eggs as they both were afraid of offending each other. Awwwwww!!!!!
Quite a few exercise freaks as well- wannabees - some the Nike types and true to the brand- shoes , T shirt, shorts , socks, wrist bands , sweat band on the head - if Nike make it they buy it and wear it - all at the same time . The perfect gulfie .
Then there is the mix and match type- Addidas T shirt, Everlast track pant, Nike shoes , unbranded socks , Adidas cap- it must be worn back to the front , and some coloured bracelet. A small towel on the shoulder. He is my age and bald- but thinks he is 21. Stretching and twisting his torso - trying to catch a glimpse of himself in the showcase . Looked like a salesman - I dont know why but thats the feeling I got . I could be wrong .
The biggest joke is that these so called Gym junkies are panting while pushing the trolley - they are perspiring - after just one aisle mind you ! Not sure if they go to the gym in the first place . They probably do - only on a Friday - and then they come shopping !
Then there are shorts - people in Dubai are obsessed with shorts and they wear them at any time - the place and the occasion does not matter - nor does their shape . What better place than Lulu on a Friday morning .
So there are the normal knee length shorts , there are short shorts , there are the three quarters . There are women in men's shorts and vice versa ( couples ) . So there was this lady in shorts a tad too tight and a trifle too short and she looked hideous . Did her husband not notice ? Or maybe he enjoyed letting her look silly . Maybe they had had a fight that morning and this was his way of revenge ! Whatever be the reason she was a sight for sore eyes . And she kept pulling and adjusting them between her legs . Some shorts have stuff written on them as well and I swear this is not made up . On her shorts and accross her dierrie was the word "JUICY ". Maybe this is the name of a brand- I am not sure but ...........JUICY ?? for goodness sake .
What about T shirts . You get terrific ones - all brands , colours, sizes . You name it and you can find it but come Friday morning and the strangest ones are fetched from the back of the cupboard and worn . They are usually crushed . Ironed tshirts are are not cool anymore . The more shabby and crushed - the better .
Why in heavens name would you wear a T shirt if you dont have the body for one in the first place . And when you have the body for one , must you chose a T Shirt that has funny and inappropriate stuff scrawled all over .
So there was this scrawny guy with "TRY ME" . Another with a big face of a fierce looking animal - Looked like a tiger - He was the meakest looking guy in the whole hypermarket . Then there was this old gent - grey hair , balding and spectacles that were thick and ugly . His T shirt had "MEAN STREAK" . Mean streak ?? Was he crazy . He looked like a priest .
Then you have BEATLES/ SCORPIONS and YUMMY ! Skulls, Hearts , and Faces are also common.
One elderly lady had "I LUV GRANDMA" on her back and her companion - a very tall thin gent had" BRAINS " on his . Pardon me and I dont mean to be rude but he looked rather brainless as he had a perpetual smile on his face- but then as they say - looks are deceptive .
Woman are not to be left far behind . In the first place the T shirt is often a size too small and then it has strange words- DON' T LOOK HERE , KISS ME , DON'T STARE ( on her back ) . Some stuff is embarassing to write about so I wont - leaving it to your fertile imagination . ( You wicked Bishops Boys I mean YOU )
Of course there are the usual fat guys with the names of Footballers and the ever so famous "FLY EMIRATES ". Messi and Ronaldo often vie for space on paunch .
While many of the tshirts are the Originals , a large no are the copies - with words often misspelt as well .
Of course there are the kids pushing empty trolleys down one aisle after the other . You need to stay far and stay safe . Often sibblings race trolleys - if you're not careful they will bang into you from the front , back or side . They will bang the back of your ankle and cause you to wince in pain or push the trolley over your toes and look sheepish . When that happens , parents immediately disown them and look away / walk away - they know fully well that is the easiest thing to do . No adult wants to get into a slanging match with a kid - definitely not in Dubai. You swallow hard , grind your teeth and walk away in pain .
Ok here is something strange and it usually happens on a busy Friday . Guys with no better entertainment come to Lulu to do imaginary shopping . It is sad but quite painful for the Lulu employees as well . So this is what they do. They spend a few hours in the Hypermarket - walking around, checking prices , discussing brands with a friend ( This is only guys ) and filling up the trolley . They go to all the girls who are giving out free samples - so they have coffee, tea, juice, flavoured milk, biscuits , cheese etc. Then when they are either tired, fed up or full they just leave the trolley in the aisle and walk away and go home . It's easy , its fun and much more interesting than sitting in a small room with 15 other men and chatting . The rooms probably don't smell very good as well .
Decision making about what to buy often takes up a lot of time - which brand, what size. how many or how much . Then there are the offers - Buy two soaps and get two free , 6 tubes of tooth paste and get 4 tooth brushes free , two packets of flour taped together, 2 bottles of oil taped together with 20 % extra printed on the tape . It's confusing , it's interesting , it gets you calculating . In the end one is not sure if its a marketing scam or a genuine offer but it sure looks good and very very tempting .
More often than not people end up buying stuff they do not want , do not need and may never use - Of if you buy it your left using it for a year .
I once showed interest in a sale of 6 tubes of tooth paste and then realized that the expiry date was 6 months away . With it were 2 scrubbers for cleaning ovens and one tooth brush free . A strange combination . Did I mention that some of the sales people are very persistant and it's so difficult to refuse them . I have to admit that rather than offend them , I have - on few occasions - this was one of them - taken what they have shown me and left it on a shelf in another aisle !
The payment counters are another thing altogether . There are about 10 counters and about 50 people with full trolleys waiting to pay at any given time . ( This is where a lot of the ankle and shin banging takes place )
So you get in line and wait your turn . You watch people getting impatient - scolding and smacking kids who are tired and fed up . They look around and dart into a line that seems to be moving faster . Then there is a hold up and husband and wife argue as to whose falult it was to change lines .
Then there are the bags . Lulu loves bags and obvioulsy has more bags than they need so you get 6 bananas in a bag , then tea leaves and coffee in another , some vegetables in one , fruit in another. By the time your Friday purchases are done with you have about 30 bags of various sizes - usually bigger than necessary .
You pay and if its sale time you get lucky coupons - Spend 100 dhms and that gets you one . Some are Scratch & Win , some are Lucky raffle draw . I have scratched and not won - it reads - Better luck next time - Try again ! Am still trying. Maybe I will have better luck next time or the time after the next time !
The coupons take ages to fill in and when you see about 20000 in the box you lose hope . But someone has to win . Maybe me ! Maybe next time !
Not sure but I am yet to win anything . Probably when I do it will be the Camry with the big red bow .
If I am lucky it may be the 4 KG gold . OMG how will I take the gold to India . Now thats worrying me . Any ideas ?
I will wait , I will fill in the coupons diligently and I will continue to shop at Lulu . When I win I will write about it and tell you all .
And no - I dont go shopping in shorts or in T shirts with funny writing .
Thursday, 21 May 2015
birthday parties - Birthday Parties & B I R T H D A Y P A R T I E S
How times change . For instance, look at birthday parties and gauge for yourself .
Was thinking back to my birthdays.
The parties were held at home & planned by parents & relatives .
They were small simple affairs . 15 friends was usually what I had . They were always accompanied by both parents. ( Did the fathers not go to work ? Were they not exhausted by the time they returned ? )
Well the party started at 4 pm and was always held on a Saturday irrespective of when the actual big day was .
Friends all came well dressed . They were punctual . They carried gifts wrapped in fancy paper - kite paper at times !
Not to forget the one box camera to record memories and all those artificial poses and the SAY CHEESE !
Listen to some of the gifts I received .
A compendium of games was very common . For the uninitiated it was a box with 3 boards in it - Chinese checkers, Ludo& Snakes and Ladders, Chess & Draughts . The coins/ men/ tokens& dice were in a little plastic bag .
Then there was Shirt pieces, socks, vests ( Yes ) Cricket bats, Tennis balls, Rubber balls, Marbles, 2 Badminton rackets, TT Bats with one ball , a football , a hockey stick .
At times there was an envelope with money - no not a 1000 rupees - probably 10 or 20 .
The best gift I ever got was a carom board and I had it for years and finally became quite a champion in Allahabad .
My grandfather once took me out and bought me an air gun - when I came home all excited my mother saw it and nearly had a fit . The gun was taken away and I was promised to get it back when I was older ( I was 8 ) . I never saw it again.
I hated the cloth gifts . Who wants to get 3 white vests for a birthday? I once remember opening the gifts as the party got over. Yes the first gift I opened was 3 white vests . I threw them on the bed in a temper and referred to the giver as a fool . I then picked them up in a temper- threw them on the ground and stamped them - then I was smacked and smacked and made to say sorry !
I probably wore one of them the next day to school .
Then there were the games . Musical chairs and musical arms , Hiding things for us to find, I spy , 7 tiles and kings.
Have you heard of a KHOI bag?
Most of you have probably not so I will need to explain.
A bag stuffed with puffed rice and confetti - then there were whistles , bugles, 25 and 50 pice coins, small toys etc . It was tied to the fan or to a nail in the ceiling.
Everyone gathered under the bag and there was great excitement and a lot of screaming . Then a tall gent was asked to pull a chord . The contents then spilled down and there was a mad scramble with everyone grabbing and pushing to gather up as much of the goodies as possible.
I remember being told year after year- "don't you grab anything - leave the gifts for your friends "
So like a fool I scrambled about on my fours with the others - like a blind boy- purposely avoiding picking up the gifts . I was often in tears as I saw friends scoop up the toys and the coins . At times I felt like banging my head on the wall- this was so not fair . It was my party .
Then there was the cutting of the cake - more often than not baked and iced at home.
There were also patties , chips and sandwiches. Squash seemed to be the drink of the masses so there was plenty of squash - cold and tasty - no ice for me though - I had tonsillitis and adenoids - a dangerous and disgusting combination if ever there was one .
The party got over at 8 . Period . Good night .
Don't get me wrong - at the end of the day I enjoyed the evening . Except for the clothes , the other gifts were fun . The 20 or 30 rupees were kept away to buy marbles and sweets . The bat, the board games , the rackets were all used till as long as they lasted which was usually a few months .
No gifts were recycled . Period.
Then the years went by and soon I was a father ( no I did not marry at 14 )
Then came the birthdays of my two pretty girls . They were different it many ways .
They joined in the planning and had a big say .
Printed invites were distributed - approximately 30 .
Most of the eats were bought . Rasna , squash and cold drinks were offered .
The cake was ordered - usually some fancy shape and fancy candles .
The party started at 6 pm. There were photographs galore .
There was dinner and drinks as well for the adults.
The gifts were Barbie dolls , sets of other dolls , dolls houses , some pretty dresses, larger cash gifts ( which they hated ) , books , etc etc .
There was no khoi bag !
The games were played on the terrace and the gifts to be given were chosen by the girls themselves .
They also chose the games to play and were quite happy organizing and not playing .
There was music and a microphone and the room / terrace was decorated .
Plenty of dancing and some kids sang as well .
Adults sat indoors and had a party of their own . At times they joined the kids on the terrace to see all was well or to help organize a game . They also were asked to step in as photographer and DJ.
Cassettes were in vogue and these were selected in advance .
Oh yes there were return gifts as well and these cost quite a packet.
Some of the adults stayed on for dinner- the close friends- the others left by about 9. 30 . Tired kids often dozed off and were carried home or forced to get up .
After the party the gifts were opened with plenty of oohs and aahs !
An exhausting day came to an end -
The photographs would be given for printing the next day .
Parties today - wow . They are parties indeed.
A month or so before D day , the planning begins .
Where will the party be held - a hotel or a venue needs to be booked . So also a DJ.
The party cant start before 8 and no- Parents and other strange adults are not welcome .
A stretch limo to transport the birthday kid and a few homies to the venue would make a style statement . Not a bad idea .
Clothes- yes clothes need to be bought by the birthday boy / girl.
Very often they go on their own with friends as parents would buy something hideous -( read old fangled).
There are waiters with starters in trays .
Fast food is washed down with Pepsi / coke . Anything else is a no no .
Birthday cake - NO NO NO - I AM NOT A KID .
No one wants dinner either . That's for the nerds .
Then there is the lighting . It's dim, it flashes , there are strobes , scanners, mirrors, twisters and beams - all in varying colours
A camera is now passé- what are mobile phones for? . The photographs are up all over in real time and being viewed all over the world . Some kids carry two phones . They must.
Who knows who may call them and for what . It could be important - they must not miss a call - so two phones are a must . Are they really ?
At times they are messaging while talking to friends - they don't even look down .
Its a smooth draw that would put Clint Eastwood to shame- Pull the phone out - Message - take a call , make a call, click a snap , upload a snap - they make it look so easy indeed.
Phones must be close at hand at all times - while eating , while drinking , while dancing , while in the loo . They are also looked at every 15 seconds .
Comments pour in as soon as a snap is uploaded - some would make a sailor blush - these are 13 year olds mind you ( no this is not my daughter I am referring to ) .
What about the selfies and the selfie sticks - O M G .................
Then there are the chat conversations while the party is in full swing - ASAP, ASL, BTY, TNX, ROFL,TTYL,LMAO,WTH,ZZZZZZZZ . ( I goggled these lest you think I use them )
There is no time for full sentences or full words - there are so many better and more important things to attend to . Like making a call or putting up a cute status.
The clothes take the cake . Why do trousers have to be falling off - what's with the Calvin Kline showing through . Are shades necessary at 6 pm ? Brightly coloured shoes ? Strange hair styles - streaked more often than not .
Did the material fall short for the dress ? Is that a blouse or a top without a bottom or is that actually a dress . Now that's daring . Heels - more like stilts .
Fendi, Armani, Ralph Lauren ,Dune,Fat Moose, Fred Perry, Jack and Jones, Kurt Geiger - they wear them all and more . Money talks . After all clothes maketh a man ( and a woman )
The music - if you can call it music - Ok let it be - you know what I mean . It 's loud, its tuneless , it contains vulgar lyrics , it has strange beats , you cant dance to it - you can sway , you can jerk your head , you can act mad , you can do summersaults- you can spin on your head and on your backside but NO you CAN'T Dance To It.
Maybe dance is an old fashioned word as well and something I don't understand . Maybe this is what they call dancing these days- I don't know .
If your wondering about the games - there are no games- games are for kids they say - they are 13 mind you ! Who plays games these days . So what do they do - they talk - they laugh - oh yes there is the phone ................
Gifts are fine and when given are usually electronics or games played on the play station . Don't dare try and give a doll, socks, or a cricket bat . Arriving with something like that would be as welcome as an Alien invasion . Money is fine though - it's actually welcomed - the larger the amount the better .
I could go on but I can't.
There is a stretch limo which I can see from my window . About 10 unruly kids are scrambling in - I guess its a birthday party .
The parents are saying bye and telling them to have a good time
You can be sure they will .
Was thinking back to my birthdays.
The parties were held at home & planned by parents & relatives .
They were small simple affairs . 15 friends was usually what I had . They were always accompanied by both parents. ( Did the fathers not go to work ? Were they not exhausted by the time they returned ? )
Well the party started at 4 pm and was always held on a Saturday irrespective of when the actual big day was .
Friends all came well dressed . They were punctual . They carried gifts wrapped in fancy paper - kite paper at times !
Not to forget the one box camera to record memories and all those artificial poses and the SAY CHEESE !
Listen to some of the gifts I received .
A compendium of games was very common . For the uninitiated it was a box with 3 boards in it - Chinese checkers, Ludo& Snakes and Ladders, Chess & Draughts . The coins/ men/ tokens& dice were in a little plastic bag .
Then there was Shirt pieces, socks, vests ( Yes ) Cricket bats, Tennis balls, Rubber balls, Marbles, 2 Badminton rackets, TT Bats with one ball , a football , a hockey stick .
At times there was an envelope with money - no not a 1000 rupees - probably 10 or 20 .
The best gift I ever got was a carom board and I had it for years and finally became quite a champion in Allahabad .
My grandfather once took me out and bought me an air gun - when I came home all excited my mother saw it and nearly had a fit . The gun was taken away and I was promised to get it back when I was older ( I was 8 ) . I never saw it again.
I hated the cloth gifts . Who wants to get 3 white vests for a birthday? I once remember opening the gifts as the party got over. Yes the first gift I opened was 3 white vests . I threw them on the bed in a temper and referred to the giver as a fool . I then picked them up in a temper- threw them on the ground and stamped them - then I was smacked and smacked and made to say sorry !
I probably wore one of them the next day to school .
Then there were the games . Musical chairs and musical arms , Hiding things for us to find, I spy , 7 tiles and kings.
Have you heard of a KHOI bag?
Most of you have probably not so I will need to explain.
A bag stuffed with puffed rice and confetti - then there were whistles , bugles, 25 and 50 pice coins, small toys etc . It was tied to the fan or to a nail in the ceiling.
Everyone gathered under the bag and there was great excitement and a lot of screaming . Then a tall gent was asked to pull a chord . The contents then spilled down and there was a mad scramble with everyone grabbing and pushing to gather up as much of the goodies as possible.
I remember being told year after year- "don't you grab anything - leave the gifts for your friends "
So like a fool I scrambled about on my fours with the others - like a blind boy- purposely avoiding picking up the gifts . I was often in tears as I saw friends scoop up the toys and the coins . At times I felt like banging my head on the wall- this was so not fair . It was my party .
Then there was the cutting of the cake - more often than not baked and iced at home.
There were also patties , chips and sandwiches. Squash seemed to be the drink of the masses so there was plenty of squash - cold and tasty - no ice for me though - I had tonsillitis and adenoids - a dangerous and disgusting combination if ever there was one .
The party got over at 8 . Period . Good night .
Don't get me wrong - at the end of the day I enjoyed the evening . Except for the clothes , the other gifts were fun . The 20 or 30 rupees were kept away to buy marbles and sweets . The bat, the board games , the rackets were all used till as long as they lasted which was usually a few months .
No gifts were recycled . Period.
Then the years went by and soon I was a father ( no I did not marry at 14 )
Then came the birthdays of my two pretty girls . They were different it many ways .
They joined in the planning and had a big say .
Printed invites were distributed - approximately 30 .
Most of the eats were bought . Rasna , squash and cold drinks were offered .
The cake was ordered - usually some fancy shape and fancy candles .
The party started at 6 pm. There were photographs galore .
There was dinner and drinks as well for the adults.
The gifts were Barbie dolls , sets of other dolls , dolls houses , some pretty dresses, larger cash gifts ( which they hated ) , books , etc etc .
There was no khoi bag !
The games were played on the terrace and the gifts to be given were chosen by the girls themselves .
They also chose the games to play and were quite happy organizing and not playing .
There was music and a microphone and the room / terrace was decorated .
Plenty of dancing and some kids sang as well .
Adults sat indoors and had a party of their own . At times they joined the kids on the terrace to see all was well or to help organize a game . They also were asked to step in as photographer and DJ.
Cassettes were in vogue and these were selected in advance .
Oh yes there were return gifts as well and these cost quite a packet.
Some of the adults stayed on for dinner- the close friends- the others left by about 9. 30 . Tired kids often dozed off and were carried home or forced to get up .
After the party the gifts were opened with plenty of oohs and aahs !
An exhausting day came to an end -
The photographs would be given for printing the next day .
Parties today - wow . They are parties indeed.
A month or so before D day , the planning begins .
Where will the party be held - a hotel or a venue needs to be booked . So also a DJ.
The party cant start before 8 and no- Parents and other strange adults are not welcome .
A stretch limo to transport the birthday kid and a few homies to the venue would make a style statement . Not a bad idea .
Clothes- yes clothes need to be bought by the birthday boy / girl.
Very often they go on their own with friends as parents would buy something hideous -( read old fangled).
There are waiters with starters in trays .
Fast food is washed down with Pepsi / coke . Anything else is a no no .
Birthday cake - NO NO NO - I AM NOT A KID .
No one wants dinner either . That's for the nerds .
Then there is the lighting . It's dim, it flashes , there are strobes , scanners, mirrors, twisters and beams - all in varying colours
A camera is now passé- what are mobile phones for? . The photographs are up all over in real time and being viewed all over the world . Some kids carry two phones . They must.
Who knows who may call them and for what . It could be important - they must not miss a call - so two phones are a must . Are they really ?
At times they are messaging while talking to friends - they don't even look down .
Its a smooth draw that would put Clint Eastwood to shame- Pull the phone out - Message - take a call , make a call, click a snap , upload a snap - they make it look so easy indeed.
Phones must be close at hand at all times - while eating , while drinking , while dancing , while in the loo . They are also looked at every 15 seconds .
Comments pour in as soon as a snap is uploaded - some would make a sailor blush - these are 13 year olds mind you ( no this is not my daughter I am referring to ) .
What about the selfies and the selfie sticks - O M G .................
Then there are the chat conversations while the party is in full swing - ASAP, ASL, BTY, TNX, ROFL,TTYL,LMAO,WTH,ZZZZZZZZ . ( I goggled these lest you think I use them )
There is no time for full sentences or full words - there are so many better and more important things to attend to . Like making a call or putting up a cute status.
The clothes take the cake . Why do trousers have to be falling off - what's with the Calvin Kline showing through . Are shades necessary at 6 pm ? Brightly coloured shoes ? Strange hair styles - streaked more often than not .
Did the material fall short for the dress ? Is that a blouse or a top without a bottom or is that actually a dress . Now that's daring . Heels - more like stilts .
Fendi, Armani, Ralph Lauren ,Dune,Fat Moose, Fred Perry, Jack and Jones, Kurt Geiger - they wear them all and more . Money talks . After all clothes maketh a man ( and a woman )
The music - if you can call it music - Ok let it be - you know what I mean . It 's loud, its tuneless , it contains vulgar lyrics , it has strange beats , you cant dance to it - you can sway , you can jerk your head , you can act mad , you can do summersaults- you can spin on your head and on your backside but NO you CAN'T Dance To It.
Maybe dance is an old fashioned word as well and something I don't understand . Maybe this is what they call dancing these days- I don't know .
If your wondering about the games - there are no games- games are for kids they say - they are 13 mind you ! Who plays games these days . So what do they do - they talk - they laugh - oh yes there is the phone ................
Gifts are fine and when given are usually electronics or games played on the play station . Don't dare try and give a doll, socks, or a cricket bat . Arriving with something like that would be as welcome as an Alien invasion . Money is fine though - it's actually welcomed - the larger the amount the better .
I could go on but I can't.
There is a stretch limo which I can see from my window . About 10 unruly kids are scrambling in - I guess its a birthday party .
The parents are saying bye and telling them to have a good time
You can be sure they will .
birthday parties - Birthday Parties & B I R T H D A Y P A R T I E S
How times change . For instance, look at birthday parties and gauge for yourself .
Was thinking back to my birthdays.
The parties were held at home & planned by parents & relatives .
They were small simple affairs . 15 friends was usually what I had . They were always accompanied by both parents. ( Did the fathers not go to work ? Were they not exhausted by the time they returned ? )
Well the party started at 4 pm and was always held on a Saturday irrespective of when the actual big day was .
Friends all came well dressed . They were punctual . They carried gifts wrapped in fancy paper - kite paper at times !
Not to forget the one box camera to record memories and all those artificial poses and the SAY CHEESE !
Listen to some of the gifts I received .
A compendium of games was very common . For the uninitiated it was a box with 3 boards in it - Chinese checkers, Ludo& Snakes and Ladders, Chess & Draughts . The coins/ men/ tokens& dice were in a little plastic bag .
Then there was Shirt pieces, socks, vests ( Yes ) Cricket bats, Tennis balls, Rubber balls, Marbles, 2 Badminton rackets, TT Bats with one ball , a football , a hockey stick .
At times there was an envelope with money - no not a 1000 rupees - probably 10 or 20 .
The best gift I ever got was a carom board and I had it for years and finally became quite a champion in Allahabad .
My grandfather once took me out and bought me an air gun - when I came home all excited my mother saw it and nearly had a fit . The gun was taken away and I was promised to get it back when I was older ( I was 8 ) . I never saw it again.
I hated the cloth gifts . Who wants to get 3 white vests for a birthday? I once remember opening the gifts as the party got over. Yes the first gift I opened was 3 white vests . I threw them on the bed in a temper and referred to the giver as a fool . I then picked them up in a temper- threw them on the ground and stamped them - then I was smacked and smacked and made to say sorry !
I probably wore one of them the next day to school .
Then there were the games . Musical chairs and musical arms , Hiding things for us to find, I spy , 7 tiles and kings.
Have you heard of a KHOI bag?
Most of you have probably not so I will need to explain.
A bag stuffed with puffed rice and confetti - then there were whistles , bugles, 25 and 50 pice coins, small toys etc . It was tied to the fan or to a nail in the ceiling.
Everyone gathered under the bag and there was great excitement and a lot of screaming . Then a tall gent was asked to pull a chord . The contents then spilled down and there was a mad scramble with everyone grabbing and pushing to gather up as much of the goodies as possible.
I remember being told year after year- "don't you grab anything - leave the gifts for your friends "
So like a fool I scrambled about on my fours with the others - like a blind boy- purposely avoiding picking up the gifts . I was often in tears as I saw friends scoop up the toys and the coins . At times I felt like banging my head on the wall- this was so not fair . It was my party .
Then there was the cutting of the cake - more often than not baked and iced at home.
There were also patties , chips and sandwiches. Squash seemed to be the drink of the masses so there was plenty of squash - cold and tasty - no ice for me though - I had tonsillitis and adenoids - a dangerous and disgusting combination if ever there was one .
The party got over at 8 . Period . Good night .
Don't get me wrong - at the end of the day I enjoyed the evening . Except for the clothes , the other gifts were fun . The 20 or 30 rupees were kept away to buy marbles and sweets . The bat, the board games , the rackets were all used till as long as they lasted which was usually a few months .
No gifts were recycled . Period.
Then the years went by and soon I was a father ( no I did not marry at 14 )
Then came the birthdays of my two pretty girls . They were different it many ways .
They joined in the planning and had a big say .
Printed invites were distributed - approximately 30 .
Most of the eats were bought . Rasna , squash and cold drinks were offered .
The cake was ordered - usually some fancy shape and fancy candles .
The party started at 6 pm. There were photographs galore .
There was dinner and drinks as well for the adults.
The gifts were Barbie dolls , sets of other dolls , dolls houses , some pretty dresses, larger cash gifts ( which they hated ) , books , etc etc .
There was no khoi bag !
The games were played on the terrace and the gifts to be given were chosen by the girls themselves .
They also chose the games to play and were quite happy organizing and not playing .
There was music and a microphone and the room / terrace was decorated .
Plenty of dancing and some kids sang as well .
Adults sat indoors and had a party of their own . At times they joined the kids on the terrace to see all was well or to help organize a game . They also were asked to step in as photographer and DJ.
Cassettes were in vogue and these were selected in advance .
Oh yes there were return gifts as well and these cost quite a packet.
Some of the adults stayed on for dinner- the close friends- the others left by about 9. 30 . Tired kids often dozed off and were carried home or forced to get up .
After the party the gifts were opened with plenty of oohs and aahs !
An exhausting day came to an end -
The photographs would be given for printing the next day .
Parties today - wow . They are parties indeed.
A month or so before D day , the planning begins .
Where will the party be held - a hotel or a venue needs to be booked . So also a DJ.
The party cant start before 8 and no- Parents and other strange adults are not welcome .
A stretch limo to transport the birthday kid and a few homies to the venue would make a style statement . Not a bad idea .
Clothes- yes clothes need to be bought by the birthday boy / girl.
Very often they go on their own with friends as parents would buy something hideous -( read old fangled).
There are waiters with starters in trays .
Fast food is washed down with Pepsi / coke . Anything else is a no no .
Birthday cake - NO NO NO - I AM NOT A KID .
No one wants dinner either . That's for the nerds .
Then there is the lighting . It's dim, it flashes , there are strobes , scanners, mirrors, twisters and beams - all in varying colours
A camera is now passé- what are mobile phones for? . The photographs are up all over in real time and being viewed all over the world . Some kids carry two phones . They must.
Who knows who may call them and for what . It could be important - they must not miss a call - so two phones are a must . Are they really ?
At times they are messaging while talking to friends - they don't even look down .
Its a smooth draw that would put Clint Eastwood to shame- Pull the phone out - Message - take a call , make a call, click a snap , upload a snap - they make it look so easy indeed.
Phones must be close at hand at all times - while eating , while drinking , while dancing , while in the loo . They are also looked at every 15 seconds .
Comments pour in as soon as a snap is uploaded - some would make a sailor blush - these are 13 year olds mind you ( no this is not my daughter I am referring to ) .
What about the selfies and the selfie sticks - O M G .................
Then there are the chat conversations while the party is in full swing - ASAP, ASL, BTY, TNX, ROFL,TTYL,LMAO,WTH,ZZZZZZZZ . ( I goggled these lest you think I use them )
There is no time for full sentences or full words - there are so many better and more important things to attend to . Like making a call or putting up a cute status.
The clothes take the cake . Why do trousers have to be falling off - what's with the Calvin Kline showing through . Are shades necessary at 6 pm ? Brightly coloured shoes ? Strange hair styles - streaked more often than not .
Did the material fall short for the dress ? Is that a blouse or a top without a bottom or is that actually a dress . Now that's daring . Heels - more like stilts .
Fendi, Armani, Ralph Lauren ,Dune,Fat Moose, Fred Perry, Jack and Jones, Kurt Geiger - they wear them all and more . Money talks . After all clothes maketh a man ( and a woman )
The music - if you can call it music - Ok let it be - you know what I mean . It 's loud, its tuneless , it contains vulgar lyrics , it has strange beats , you cant dance to it - you can sway , you can jerk your head , you can act mad , you can do summersaults- you can spin on your head and on your backside but NO you CAN'T Dance To It.
Maybe dance is an old fashioned word as well and something I don't understand . Maybe this is what they call dancing these days- I don't know .
If your wondering about the games - there are no games- games are for kids they say - they are 13 mind you ! Who plays games these days . So what do they do - they talk - they laugh - oh yes there is the phone ................
Gifts are fine and when given are usually electronics or games played on the play station . Don't dare try and give a doll, socks, or a cricket bat . Arriving with something like that would be as welcome as an Alien invasion . Money is fine though - it's actually welcomed - the larger the amount the better .
I could go on but I can't.
There is a stretch limo which I can see from my window . About 10 unruly kids are scrambling in - I guess its a birthday party .
The parents are saying bye and telling them to have a good time
You can be sure they will .
Was thinking back to my birthdays.
The parties were held at home & planned by parents & relatives .
They were small simple affairs . 15 friends was usually what I had . They were always accompanied by both parents. ( Did the fathers not go to work ? Were they not exhausted by the time they returned ? )
Well the party started at 4 pm and was always held on a Saturday irrespective of when the actual big day was .
Friends all came well dressed . They were punctual . They carried gifts wrapped in fancy paper - kite paper at times !
Not to forget the one box camera to record memories and all those artificial poses and the SAY CHEESE !
Listen to some of the gifts I received .
A compendium of games was very common . For the uninitiated it was a box with 3 boards in it - Chinese checkers, Ludo& Snakes and Ladders, Chess & Draughts . The coins/ men/ tokens& dice were in a little plastic bag .
Then there was Shirt pieces, socks, vests ( Yes ) Cricket bats, Tennis balls, Rubber balls, Marbles, 2 Badminton rackets, TT Bats with one ball , a football , a hockey stick .
At times there was an envelope with money - no not a 1000 rupees - probably 10 or 20 .
The best gift I ever got was a carom board and I had it for years and finally became quite a champion in Allahabad .
My grandfather once took me out and bought me an air gun - when I came home all excited my mother saw it and nearly had a fit . The gun was taken away and I was promised to get it back when I was older ( I was 8 ) . I never saw it again.
I hated the cloth gifts . Who wants to get 3 white vests for a birthday? I once remember opening the gifts as the party got over. Yes the first gift I opened was 3 white vests . I threw them on the bed in a temper and referred to the giver as a fool . I then picked them up in a temper- threw them on the ground and stamped them - then I was smacked and smacked and made to say sorry !
I probably wore one of them the next day to school .
Then there were the games . Musical chairs and musical arms , Hiding things for us to find, I spy , 7 tiles and kings.
Have you heard of a KHOI bag?
Most of you have probably not so I will need to explain.
A bag stuffed with puffed rice and confetti - then there were whistles , bugles, 25 and 50 pice coins, small toys etc . It was tied to the fan or to a nail in the ceiling.
Everyone gathered under the bag and there was great excitement and a lot of screaming . Then a tall gent was asked to pull a chord . The contents then spilled down and there was a mad scramble with everyone grabbing and pushing to gather up as much of the goodies as possible.
I remember being told year after year- "don't you grab anything - leave the gifts for your friends "
So like a fool I scrambled about on my fours with the others - like a blind boy- purposely avoiding picking up the gifts . I was often in tears as I saw friends scoop up the toys and the coins . At times I felt like banging my head on the wall- this was so not fair . It was my party .
Then there was the cutting of the cake - more often than not baked and iced at home.
There were also patties , chips and sandwiches. Squash seemed to be the drink of the masses so there was plenty of squash - cold and tasty - no ice for me though - I had tonsillitis and adenoids - a dangerous and disgusting combination if ever there was one .
The party got over at 8 . Period . Good night .
Don't get me wrong - at the end of the day I enjoyed the evening . Except for the clothes , the other gifts were fun . The 20 or 30 rupees were kept away to buy marbles and sweets . The bat, the board games , the rackets were all used till as long as they lasted which was usually a few months .
No gifts were recycled . Period.
Then the years went by and soon I was a father ( no I did not marry at 14 )
Then came the birthdays of my two pretty girls . They were different it many ways .
They joined in the planning and had a big say .
Printed invites were distributed - approximately 30 .
Most of the eats were bought . Rasna , squash and cold drinks were offered .
The cake was ordered - usually some fancy shape and fancy candles .
The party started at 6 pm. There were photographs galore .
There was dinner and drinks as well for the adults.
The gifts were Barbie dolls , sets of other dolls , dolls houses , some pretty dresses, larger cash gifts ( which they hated ) , books , etc etc .
There was no khoi bag !
The games were played on the terrace and the gifts to be given were chosen by the girls themselves .
They also chose the games to play and were quite happy organizing and not playing .
There was music and a microphone and the room / terrace was decorated .
Plenty of dancing and some kids sang as well .
Adults sat indoors and had a party of their own . At times they joined the kids on the terrace to see all was well or to help organize a game . They also were asked to step in as photographer and DJ.
Cassettes were in vogue and these were selected in advance .
Oh yes there were return gifts as well and these cost quite a packet.
Some of the adults stayed on for dinner- the close friends- the others left by about 9. 30 . Tired kids often dozed off and were carried home or forced to get up .
After the party the gifts were opened with plenty of oohs and aahs !
An exhausting day came to an end -
The photographs would be given for printing the next day .
Parties today - wow . They are parties indeed.
A month or so before D day , the planning begins .
Where will the party be held - a hotel or a venue needs to be booked . So also a DJ.
The party cant start before 8 and no- Parents and other strange adults are not welcome .
A stretch limo to transport the birthday kid and a few homies to the venue would make a style statement . Not a bad idea .
Clothes- yes clothes need to be bought by the birthday boy / girl.
Very often they go on their own with friends as parents would buy something hideous -( read old fangled).
There are waiters with starters in trays .
Fast food is washed down with Pepsi / coke . Anything else is a no no .
Birthday cake - NO NO NO - I AM NOT A KID .
No one wants dinner either . That's for the nerds .
Then there is the lighting . It's dim, it flashes , there are strobes , scanners, mirrors, twisters and beams - all in varying colours
A camera is now passé- what are mobile phones for? . The photographs are up all over in real time and being viewed all over the world . Some kids carry two phones . They must.
Who knows who may call them and for what . It could be important - they must not miss a call - so two phones are a must . Are they really ?
At times they are messaging while talking to friends - they don't even look down .
Its a smooth draw that would put Clint Eastwood to shame- Pull the phone out - Message - take a call , make a call, click a snap , upload a snap - they make it look so easy indeed.
Phones must be close at hand at all times - while eating , while drinking , while dancing , while in the loo . They are also looked at every 15 seconds .
Comments pour in as soon as a snap is uploaded - some would make a sailor blush - these are 13 year olds mind you ( no this is not my daughter I am referring to ) .
What about the selfies and the selfie sticks - O M G .................
Then there are the chat conversations while the party is in full swing - ASAP, ASL, BTY, TNX, ROFL,TTYL,LMAO,WTH,ZZZZZZZZ . ( I goggled these lest you think I use them )
There is no time for full sentences or full words - there are so many better and more important things to attend to . Like making a call or putting up a cute status.
The clothes take the cake . Why do trousers have to be falling off - what's with the Calvin Kline showing through . Are shades necessary at 6 pm ? Brightly coloured shoes ? Strange hair styles - streaked more often than not .
Did the material fall short for the dress ? Is that a blouse or a top without a bottom or is that actually a dress . Now that's daring . Heels - more like stilts .
Fendi, Armani, Ralph Lauren ,Dune,Fat Moose, Fred Perry, Jack and Jones, Kurt Geiger - they wear them all and more . Money talks . After all clothes maketh a man ( and a woman )
The music - if you can call it music - Ok let it be - you know what I mean . It 's loud, its tuneless , it contains vulgar lyrics , it has strange beats , you cant dance to it - you can sway , you can jerk your head , you can act mad , you can do summersaults- you can spin on your head and on your backside but NO you CAN'T Dance To It.
Maybe dance is an old fashioned word as well and something I don't understand . Maybe this is what they call dancing these days- I don't know .
If your wondering about the games - there are no games- games are for kids they say - they are 13 mind you ! Who plays games these days . So what do they do - they talk - they laugh - oh yes there is the phone ................
Gifts are fine and when given are usually electronics or games played on the play station . Don't dare try and give a doll, socks, or a cricket bat . Arriving with something like that would be as welcome as an Alien invasion . Money is fine though - it's actually welcomed - the larger the amount the better .
I could go on but I can't.
There is a stretch limo which I can see from my window . About 10 unruly kids are scrambling in - I guess its a birthday party .
The parents are saying bye and telling them to have a good time
You can be sure they will .
Saturday, 9 May 2015
I am no Christopher Columbus
I am no Christopher Columbus , no Fridtjof Nansen, no Ibn Battutta either.
At times I am of the firm opinion that I was not born to travel - travel is indeed anathema to me .
Do I like to travel ? Yes - and that indeed is the unexplainable paradox !
Don't get me wrong - I like to travel but to be frank I enjoy the destination but literally detest the journey.
No I don't think that explanation carries weight .
It's not actually the journey but the build up that gets under my skin - that gets me all jittery and irritable and a trifle nervous as well . A trifle ? Give me a break !
When someone at a party walks in with a swagger, joins the conversation , talks with style , says he lives out of a suitcase for 20 days a month and has just flown in that very evening from Timbukto after visiting Belarus and never even had time to shave , I am ready to bow in reverence .
How do they do it ? These demi Gods of the skies need to get a star named after them .
Listen to one of my stories now and be the better judge .
I had to travel to India - to Delhi to be precise . It was a 3 day trip and should have been a breeze .
For me it was a hurricane. Thunder and lightening thrown in for effect .
Booking an online ticket was the first hurdle - this is easier said than done . There are umpteen flights and far too many airlines . Too many options confuse me. There were 207 flights from the UAE to Delhi . Its a 3 hour journey approximately for goodness sake so show me the best flights first .
However the first 30 options or so showed journeys which lasted anything between 18 and 30 hours in totality . There were 3 stop flights , 2 stop flights and one stop flights . They were mini whirl wind tours of India from the sky . You missed the dirt and the grime and the pollution as you were at airports and airports are cleaner than most cities . (At least most of them are till you visit the toilets ) You landed and took off till you were giddy and nauseous.
Pray where were the non stop flights? Should they have not been the first option?
Finally I got to the non stop flights .
After keying in many details I saw that the flights were full on the day I had decided to travel on . Murphy's law in play.
I start all over again and come to payment options . It says that they will send me a secret number via sms which I need to key in to verify payment . I wait and yes you guessed correctly - NO MESSAGE.
I take a break and an hour or so later I start all over again. Presto- the fares have increased by a 100 rupees . Now that's what I call ' making a fast buck'
Tickets booked finally and I heave a sigh of relief.
Lets cut to the chase . Packing is always fun . Depending on the weight the particular carrier allows . What do you take by way of clothes . My mind goes back to that demi God who " just threw some things into a duffel bag and was out of the house in a jiffy " I bow again. Pray fair Sir how do you do it ?
If you minus the weight of the suitcase itself and leave a kg or 2 for the faulty weighing scale at many airports , there aren't very many options . So I pack the minimum and hope against hope that it will suffice . The suitcase is opened , checked, weighed and closed any number of times - and this too , many hours before departure . OCD probably ? There is always something more to put in, something extra to take out and something to change . And then there are the keys - tiny key holes make it even worse.
Then- I must have something handy to wear in the hand luggage - what if my suitcase is lost ?
Then it's the ticket , the passport , the money , the pouch , the keys , the pen , the phones, the charger, the multi plugs, a book to read, the I pad , another charger...................
If it's an early morning flight I set two alarms because although I get up early on a regular basis , something tells me that on the day of the flight I may go into a stupor and wake late . I then get up a couple of times in the night to check the time and ensure that I have set the correct alarms and that things are not on silent mode or any such nonsense. You never know with these gadgets - they tend to play up at the most inopportune moments.
I then try in vain to hypnotize myself to sleep, to count sheep , chickens or whatever . When the alarms finally do go off I am already dressed.
Breakfast - no- it may upset my stomach . Who knows what a fried egg can do when its in the mood !
Will the taxi arrive - will the driver be on time . What is the car breaks down .
The luggage was put near the door the previous night - saving time in the morning !
I have never bathed faster. I usually have a shave the night before .
Am at the airport after having checked my ticket and passport umpteen times - don't want to risk leaving them at home do I ?
Don't want to land at the airport with the wrong passport either .
I also check my visa and passport expiry dates - just in case - you never know when they will expire and I will be stumped . I
If you thought this was stressful wait for the next steps.
I always - yes always get static electricity shocks from the trolley . Disgusting .
There is a long line of passengers waiting to check in . Why is everyone travelling just on this day . Why so many children as well . After what seems like eternity I am at the counter .
These counter guys and gals know how very important they are to us travelling mortals and they sure make the most of it .
Always worried about the weight of my luggage - have paid for excess quite often - but not when travelling alone so why the tension ? Don't ask me .
The luggage is weighed - it always seems to weigh a kilo or two more that what the weighing scale showed at home but no issues - still within limits . Sigh. Chuckle to myself- am learning to beat the system . No money to be paid.
The problem is in the next step - If I have not done an online check in then will I manage an isle seat- you see, I am claustrophobic and I just cannot sit anywhere else but in the aisle seat .
So I try to sound humble, simple , friendly etc I smile - it always works . No clue what I would do if it did not . "Mr Guzder- I have managed to give you an isle seat " The voice floats towards me on a cloud- I am in seventh heaven .
Now comes the dreaded Passport control- what if my name clashes with someone who has been blacklisted ? I know with the combination of my First and surname there is a very slim chance of this happening , but then one never knows - Murphy's law and all .............
I am asked to look into the camera - the man / woman at the counter does a double take - Is something wrong ? Do I resemble someone dangerous ? Is this the day I have been dreading - will I be taken away for interrogation ? Handcuffed . Who will I make a call to ?. I rack my brains and keep a name in mind .
Nothing of that happens - and I move on but I could have sworn that the person at the counter almost sent for a superior officer - just to make sure I was who the passport said I was !
Its now the body and hand luggage check .
I deposit every piece of metal on my person into my hand bag - watch , belt , mobiles , purse . Will they ask me to take off my chain - I hope not as I can't.
I spread my legs , raise my hands and try and look as un - threatening as possible. Surely the guy wont ask me to step aside . The ticket is stamped . I say thank you loud and clear . I breathe deeply .
I go through without a scratch but my bag seems to have vanished .
Then I see it coming- very slowly - then the guy pulls it back to check again . Oh My God - what have they found ?
Has someone slipped something into my luggage . Am I being framed . A knife ? Drugs? a large pair of scissors ? A gun ? Nail clippers !So this is it - the day I have dreaded all my life .
Everyone gets their hand luggage and moves on . I am told to open mine .
My mouth is dry - where the hell are the keys . I fumble - I sweat - I find the bunch of keys - which key is it - where are my spectacles - I find them and put them on - No no no- they are my distance ones.
Where are my reading glasses . I find them . Now where are the keys. I must not lose my ticket and passport in this confusion. Panic sets in .
I open the bag - my pressure has gone up - my heart beats fast . The guy asks me to empty my bag . He whispers something to a colleague . I struggle with the zip . They look at each other and at me .
I try and act casual and take everything out of the bag . Its worse if a lady is checking the contents - they nitpick even more .
I am asked to explain a small packet of Indian coins / why so many keys / a diary with a long pen - (maybe that was the tool I was going to use to hijack the plane ). Then yes- there are the nail cutters but they don't think I can do much harm with them and so they let them pass .
They find nothing - nevertheless I am asked to hand over my Ticket and passport and the details are noted . The ticket is stamped again .
I guess they have to do a thorough check of a certain number of passengers daily - I am usually one of them .
Maybe its the look on my face and the general anxiety . It shows.............
Its over - I am through. I go aside - back goes the wallet , the mobile phones etc etc etc . into my pockets . Have I forgotten anything .
Where in heavens name is that passport again . Its playing games with me for sure .
My ticket seems to have taken off without me and I panic - its Ok - its in the passport and in the side pocket . Who put it there ? Not me . Who cares - and all is well .
I have survived - the journey can begin .
I sail through the flight - the food- the drinks - the loo - the seat - the guy beside me who keeps dozing off on my shoulder .
I reach my destination - the whole procedure is reversed - Passport control , luggage scan , hand luggage scan .
Where is my ticket .
I have been asked strange questions though.
Where had I come from .
Why was I visiting this city .
When was I going back .
Where did I work . Was I travelling alone .
My bladder is bursting . My mouth is parched .
- then in the blink of any eye I am out and walking free .
I am safe and have lived to travel another day .
At times I am of the firm opinion that I was not born to travel - travel is indeed anathema to me .
Do I like to travel ? Yes - and that indeed is the unexplainable paradox !
Don't get me wrong - I like to travel but to be frank I enjoy the destination but literally detest the journey.
No I don't think that explanation carries weight .
It's not actually the journey but the build up that gets under my skin - that gets me all jittery and irritable and a trifle nervous as well . A trifle ? Give me a break !
When someone at a party walks in with a swagger, joins the conversation , talks with style , says he lives out of a suitcase for 20 days a month and has just flown in that very evening from Timbukto after visiting Belarus and never even had time to shave , I am ready to bow in reverence .
How do they do it ? These demi Gods of the skies need to get a star named after them .
Listen to one of my stories now and be the better judge .
I had to travel to India - to Delhi to be precise . It was a 3 day trip and should have been a breeze .
For me it was a hurricane. Thunder and lightening thrown in for effect .
Booking an online ticket was the first hurdle - this is easier said than done . There are umpteen flights and far too many airlines . Too many options confuse me. There were 207 flights from the UAE to Delhi . Its a 3 hour journey approximately for goodness sake so show me the best flights first .
However the first 30 options or so showed journeys which lasted anything between 18 and 30 hours in totality . There were 3 stop flights , 2 stop flights and one stop flights . They were mini whirl wind tours of India from the sky . You missed the dirt and the grime and the pollution as you were at airports and airports are cleaner than most cities . (At least most of them are till you visit the toilets ) You landed and took off till you were giddy and nauseous.
Pray where were the non stop flights? Should they have not been the first option?
Finally I got to the non stop flights .
After keying in many details I saw that the flights were full on the day I had decided to travel on . Murphy's law in play.
I start all over again and come to payment options . It says that they will send me a secret number via sms which I need to key in to verify payment . I wait and yes you guessed correctly - NO MESSAGE.
I take a break and an hour or so later I start all over again. Presto- the fares have increased by a 100 rupees . Now that's what I call ' making a fast buck'
Tickets booked finally and I heave a sigh of relief.
Lets cut to the chase . Packing is always fun . Depending on the weight the particular carrier allows . What do you take by way of clothes . My mind goes back to that demi God who " just threw some things into a duffel bag and was out of the house in a jiffy " I bow again. Pray fair Sir how do you do it ?
If you minus the weight of the suitcase itself and leave a kg or 2 for the faulty weighing scale at many airports , there aren't very many options . So I pack the minimum and hope against hope that it will suffice . The suitcase is opened , checked, weighed and closed any number of times - and this too , many hours before departure . OCD probably ? There is always something more to put in, something extra to take out and something to change . And then there are the keys - tiny key holes make it even worse.
Then- I must have something handy to wear in the hand luggage - what if my suitcase is lost ?
Then it's the ticket , the passport , the money , the pouch , the keys , the pen , the phones, the charger, the multi plugs, a book to read, the I pad , another charger...................
If it's an early morning flight I set two alarms because although I get up early on a regular basis , something tells me that on the day of the flight I may go into a stupor and wake late . I then get up a couple of times in the night to check the time and ensure that I have set the correct alarms and that things are not on silent mode or any such nonsense. You never know with these gadgets - they tend to play up at the most inopportune moments.
I then try in vain to hypnotize myself to sleep, to count sheep , chickens or whatever . When the alarms finally do go off I am already dressed.
Breakfast - no- it may upset my stomach . Who knows what a fried egg can do when its in the mood !
Will the taxi arrive - will the driver be on time . What is the car breaks down .
The luggage was put near the door the previous night - saving time in the morning !
I have never bathed faster. I usually have a shave the night before .
Am at the airport after having checked my ticket and passport umpteen times - don't want to risk leaving them at home do I ?
Don't want to land at the airport with the wrong passport either .
I also check my visa and passport expiry dates - just in case - you never know when they will expire and I will be stumped . I
If you thought this was stressful wait for the next steps.
I always - yes always get static electricity shocks from the trolley . Disgusting .
There is a long line of passengers waiting to check in . Why is everyone travelling just on this day . Why so many children as well . After what seems like eternity I am at the counter .
These counter guys and gals know how very important they are to us travelling mortals and they sure make the most of it .
Always worried about the weight of my luggage - have paid for excess quite often - but not when travelling alone so why the tension ? Don't ask me .
The luggage is weighed - it always seems to weigh a kilo or two more that what the weighing scale showed at home but no issues - still within limits . Sigh. Chuckle to myself- am learning to beat the system . No money to be paid.
The problem is in the next step - If I have not done an online check in then will I manage an isle seat- you see, I am claustrophobic and I just cannot sit anywhere else but in the aisle seat .
So I try to sound humble, simple , friendly etc I smile - it always works . No clue what I would do if it did not . "Mr Guzder- I have managed to give you an isle seat " The voice floats towards me on a cloud- I am in seventh heaven .
Now comes the dreaded Passport control- what if my name clashes with someone who has been blacklisted ? I know with the combination of my First and surname there is a very slim chance of this happening , but then one never knows - Murphy's law and all .............
I am asked to look into the camera - the man / woman at the counter does a double take - Is something wrong ? Do I resemble someone dangerous ? Is this the day I have been dreading - will I be taken away for interrogation ? Handcuffed . Who will I make a call to ?. I rack my brains and keep a name in mind .
Nothing of that happens - and I move on but I could have sworn that the person at the counter almost sent for a superior officer - just to make sure I was who the passport said I was !
Its now the body and hand luggage check .
I deposit every piece of metal on my person into my hand bag - watch , belt , mobiles , purse . Will they ask me to take off my chain - I hope not as I can't.
I spread my legs , raise my hands and try and look as un - threatening as possible. Surely the guy wont ask me to step aside . The ticket is stamped . I say thank you loud and clear . I breathe deeply .
I go through without a scratch but my bag seems to have vanished .
Then I see it coming- very slowly - then the guy pulls it back to check again . Oh My God - what have they found ?
Has someone slipped something into my luggage . Am I being framed . A knife ? Drugs? a large pair of scissors ? A gun ? Nail clippers !So this is it - the day I have dreaded all my life .
Everyone gets their hand luggage and moves on . I am told to open mine .
My mouth is dry - where the hell are the keys . I fumble - I sweat - I find the bunch of keys - which key is it - where are my spectacles - I find them and put them on - No no no- they are my distance ones.
Where are my reading glasses . I find them . Now where are the keys. I must not lose my ticket and passport in this confusion. Panic sets in .
I open the bag - my pressure has gone up - my heart beats fast . The guy asks me to empty my bag . He whispers something to a colleague . I struggle with the zip . They look at each other and at me .
I try and act casual and take everything out of the bag . Its worse if a lady is checking the contents - they nitpick even more .
I am asked to explain a small packet of Indian coins / why so many keys / a diary with a long pen - (maybe that was the tool I was going to use to hijack the plane ). Then yes- there are the nail cutters but they don't think I can do much harm with them and so they let them pass .
They find nothing - nevertheless I am asked to hand over my Ticket and passport and the details are noted . The ticket is stamped again .
I guess they have to do a thorough check of a certain number of passengers daily - I am usually one of them .
Maybe its the look on my face and the general anxiety . It shows.............
Its over - I am through. I go aside - back goes the wallet , the mobile phones etc etc etc . into my pockets . Have I forgotten anything .
Where in heavens name is that passport again . Its playing games with me for sure .
My ticket seems to have taken off without me and I panic - its Ok - its in the passport and in the side pocket . Who put it there ? Not me . Who cares - and all is well .
I have survived - the journey can begin .
I sail through the flight - the food- the drinks - the loo - the seat - the guy beside me who keeps dozing off on my shoulder .
I reach my destination - the whole procedure is reversed - Passport control , luggage scan , hand luggage scan .
Where is my ticket .
I have been asked strange questions though.
Where had I come from .
Why was I visiting this city .
When was I going back .
Where did I work . Was I travelling alone .
My bladder is bursting . My mouth is parched .
- then in the blink of any eye I am out and walking free .
I am safe and have lived to travel another day .
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