Lulu hypermarket in Dubai is a great place to shop on a Friday morning .
You see all types of people and it's fun. Went there yesterday - yes to shop . To push the trolley and pay actually . You know what that means .
So here I was standing and watching ....
A family back from church - the wife in a sari and there was gold - quite a lot of it actually . Was she a jewellers' daughter ?
Two kids - one a teen - dead bored - busy on the mobile and least interested .When asked which biscuits she wanted for school she sneered and shrugged . The younger chap - about 6 years old was a keen shopper - he wanted about 3 types of biscuits and that was the first thing in the trolley . He then got himself a juice - he opened it and gulped it down before you could say Lulu !
The sari clad lady was obviously stocking up for a flood or a famine - many kilograms of vegetables & fruit . About three dozen bananas ( maybe they had a monkey as a pet), sugar, flour , packets and packets of tea leaves , a few bottles of coffee and biscuits of all kinds for a very large tea party . Chicken and mutton - I could not see but probably there were chocolates by the dozen. She definitley loved milk as well . Low fat , Full fat, Rich in Calcium and Skimmed - she had them all . Different species of cats at home maybe - one never knows .
By the time she was done with shopping there were two overfull trolleys , one hassled husband and two tired children. She looked as if she still wanted to buy more .
There are the newly weds - married and back in Dubai after the ceremony . Hubby has been here earlier so he knows Lulu like the back of his palm . She has flowers in her hair and looks cute and bright eyed . She is thin . She has not yet sampled the burgers and the fries .
Its their first trip out obviously and so they need to stock up . She is holding his arm and he looks a trifle embarassed . They are simpering and she is looking him in the eye . He is in Jeans and a fake Armani T shirt . New sneakers complete the man .
He has control of the trolley - There is a comforter and two pillows , a few pans, a pressure cooker , a mop and broom , detergent , toiletries . He wants to buy tissues ( in case friends drop in ) she says she hates tissues . He buys one box . He is the earning member you see .
Next they argue over the fruit - nothing serious - a smiley arguement . He is a mango guy and she loves oranges . So oranges it is, as he does not want to upset her, lest she demand to phone her mother and that will cost more than the oranges -They buy 6 of them - there are only two of them you see . She is confused - there are 8 types. He picks up the cheapest ones - oranges are oranges .
The choice of detergent takes ages - he swears by Lulu detergent . His arguement - you pay less and you get more . She is an Ariel babe . He sticks to his guns - she gives him a loving nudge and he smiles and picks up a 1 kg pack . You win some - you lose some .
She wants to buy chicken . He agrees . He is probably wondering and hoping she can cook . (She looks like the MAGGI types ).
There are many different brands of chicken and he does not know the difference but pretends he does . He picks up one . She wants small pieces . He wants the skin removed . She says its a waste of money . They argue . His patience is wearing thin . Not sure what happened - I think they ended up buys eggs as they both were afraid of offending each other. Awwwwww!!!!!
Quite a few exercise freaks as well- wannabees - some the Nike types and true to the brand- shoes , T shirt, shorts , socks, wrist bands , sweat band on the head - if Nike make it they buy it and wear it - all at the same time . The perfect gulfie .
Then there is the mix and match type- Addidas T shirt, Everlast track pant, Nike shoes , unbranded socks , Adidas cap- it must be worn back to the front , and some coloured bracelet. A small towel on the shoulder. He is my age and bald- but thinks he is 21. Stretching and twisting his torso - trying to catch a glimpse of himself in the showcase . Looked like a salesman - I dont know why but thats the feeling I got . I could be wrong .
The biggest joke is that these so called Gym junkies are panting while pushing the trolley - they are perspiring - after just one aisle mind you ! Not sure if they go to the gym in the first place . They probably do - only on a Friday - and then they come shopping !
Then there are shorts - people in Dubai are obsessed with shorts and they wear them at any time - the place and the occasion does not matter - nor does their shape . What better place than Lulu on a Friday morning .
So there are the normal knee length shorts , there are short shorts , there are the three quarters . There are women in men's shorts and vice versa ( couples ) . So there was this lady in shorts a tad too tight and a trifle too short and she looked hideous . Did her husband not notice ? Or maybe he enjoyed letting her look silly . Maybe they had had a fight that morning and this was his way of revenge ! Whatever be the reason she was a sight for sore eyes . And she kept pulling and adjusting them between her legs . Some shorts have stuff written on them as well and I swear this is not made up . On her shorts and accross her dierrie was the word "JUICY ". Maybe this is the name of a brand- I am not sure but ...........JUICY ?? for goodness sake .
What about T shirts . You get terrific ones - all brands , colours, sizes . You name it and you can find it but come Friday morning and the strangest ones are fetched from the back of the cupboard and worn . They are usually crushed . Ironed tshirts are are not cool anymore . The more shabby and crushed - the better .
Why in heavens name would you wear a T shirt if you dont have the body for one in the first place . And when you have the body for one , must you chose a T Shirt that has funny and inappropriate stuff scrawled all over .
So there was this scrawny guy with "TRY ME" . Another with a big face of a fierce looking animal - Looked like a tiger - He was the meakest looking guy in the whole hypermarket . Then there was this old gent - grey hair , balding and spectacles that were thick and ugly . His T shirt had "MEAN STREAK" . Mean streak ?? Was he crazy . He looked like a priest .
Then you have BEATLES/ SCORPIONS and YUMMY ! Skulls, Hearts , and Faces are also common.
One elderly lady had "I LUV GRANDMA" on her back and her companion - a very tall thin gent had" BRAINS " on his . Pardon me and I dont mean to be rude but he looked rather brainless as he had a perpetual smile on his face- but then as they say - looks are deceptive .
Woman are not to be left far behind . In the first place the T shirt is often a size too small and then it has strange words- DON' T LOOK HERE , KISS ME , DON'T STARE ( on her back ) . Some stuff is embarassing to write about so I wont - leaving it to your fertile imagination . ( You wicked Bishops Boys I mean YOU )
Of course there are the usual fat guys with the names of Footballers and the ever so famous "FLY EMIRATES ". Messi and Ronaldo often vie for space on paunch .
While many of the tshirts are the Originals , a large no are the copies - with words often misspelt as well .
Of course there are the kids pushing empty trolleys down one aisle after the other . You need to stay far and stay safe . Often sibblings race trolleys - if you're not careful they will bang into you from the front , back or side . They will bang the back of your ankle and cause you to wince in pain or push the trolley over your toes and look sheepish . When that happens , parents immediately disown them and look away / walk away - they know fully well that is the easiest thing to do . No adult wants to get into a slanging match with a kid - definitely not in Dubai. You swallow hard , grind your teeth and walk away in pain .
Ok here is something strange and it usually happens on a busy Friday . Guys with no better entertainment come to Lulu to do imaginary shopping . It is sad but quite painful for the Lulu employees as well . So this is what they do. They spend a few hours in the Hypermarket - walking around, checking prices , discussing brands with a friend ( This is only guys ) and filling up the trolley . They go to all the girls who are giving out free samples - so they have coffee, tea, juice, flavoured milk, biscuits , cheese etc. Then when they are either tired, fed up or full they just leave the trolley in the aisle and walk away and go home . It's easy , its fun and much more interesting than sitting in a small room with 15 other men and chatting . The rooms probably don't smell very good as well .
Decision making about what to buy often takes up a lot of time - which brand, what size. how many or how much . Then there are the offers - Buy two soaps and get two free , 6 tubes of tooth paste and get 4 tooth brushes free , two packets of flour taped together, 2 bottles of oil taped together with 20 % extra printed on the tape . It's confusing , it's interesting , it gets you calculating . In the end one is not sure if its a marketing scam or a genuine offer but it sure looks good and very very tempting .
More often than not people end up buying stuff they do not want , do not need and may never use - Of if you buy it your left using it for a year .
I once showed interest in a sale of 6 tubes of tooth paste and then realized that the expiry date was 6 months away . With it were 2 scrubbers for cleaning ovens and one tooth brush free . A strange combination . Did I mention that some of the sales people are very persistant and it's so difficult to refuse them . I have to admit that rather than offend them , I have - on few occasions - this was one of them - taken what they have shown me and left it on a shelf in another aisle !
The payment counters are another thing altogether . There are about 10 counters and about 50 people with full trolleys waiting to pay at any given time . ( This is where a lot of the ankle and shin banging takes place )
So you get in line and wait your turn . You watch people getting impatient - scolding and smacking kids who are tired and fed up . They look around and dart into a line that seems to be moving faster . Then there is a hold up and husband and wife argue as to whose falult it was to change lines .
Then there are the bags . Lulu loves bags and obvioulsy has more bags than they need so you get 6 bananas in a bag , then tea leaves and coffee in another , some vegetables in one , fruit in another. By the time your Friday purchases are done with you have about 30 bags of various sizes - usually bigger than necessary .
You pay and if its sale time you get lucky coupons - Spend 100 dhms and that gets you one . Some are Scratch & Win , some are Lucky raffle draw . I have scratched and not won - it reads - Better luck next time - Try again ! Am still trying. Maybe I will have better luck next time or the time after the next time !
The coupons take ages to fill in and when you see about 20000 in the box you lose hope . But someone has to win . Maybe me ! Maybe next time !
Not sure but I am yet to win anything . Probably when I do it will be the Camry with the big red bow .
If I am lucky it may be the 4 KG gold . OMG how will I take the gold to India . Now thats worrying me . Any ideas ?
I will wait , I will fill in the coupons diligently and I will continue to shop at Lulu . When I win I will write about it and tell you all .
And no - I dont go shopping in shorts or in T shirts with funny writing .
You see all types of people and it's fun. Went there yesterday - yes to shop . To push the trolley and pay actually . You know what that means .
So here I was standing and watching ....
A family back from church - the wife in a sari and there was gold - quite a lot of it actually . Was she a jewellers' daughter ?
Two kids - one a teen - dead bored - busy on the mobile and least interested .When asked which biscuits she wanted for school she sneered and shrugged . The younger chap - about 6 years old was a keen shopper - he wanted about 3 types of biscuits and that was the first thing in the trolley . He then got himself a juice - he opened it and gulped it down before you could say Lulu !
The sari clad lady was obviously stocking up for a flood or a famine - many kilograms of vegetables & fruit . About three dozen bananas ( maybe they had a monkey as a pet), sugar, flour , packets and packets of tea leaves , a few bottles of coffee and biscuits of all kinds for a very large tea party . Chicken and mutton - I could not see but probably there were chocolates by the dozen. She definitley loved milk as well . Low fat , Full fat, Rich in Calcium and Skimmed - she had them all . Different species of cats at home maybe - one never knows .
By the time she was done with shopping there were two overfull trolleys , one hassled husband and two tired children. She looked as if she still wanted to buy more .
There are the newly weds - married and back in Dubai after the ceremony . Hubby has been here earlier so he knows Lulu like the back of his palm . She has flowers in her hair and looks cute and bright eyed . She is thin . She has not yet sampled the burgers and the fries .
Its their first trip out obviously and so they need to stock up . She is holding his arm and he looks a trifle embarassed . They are simpering and she is looking him in the eye . He is in Jeans and a fake Armani T shirt . New sneakers complete the man .
He has control of the trolley - There is a comforter and two pillows , a few pans, a pressure cooker , a mop and broom , detergent , toiletries . He wants to buy tissues ( in case friends drop in ) she says she hates tissues . He buys one box . He is the earning member you see .
Next they argue over the fruit - nothing serious - a smiley arguement . He is a mango guy and she loves oranges . So oranges it is, as he does not want to upset her, lest she demand to phone her mother and that will cost more than the oranges -They buy 6 of them - there are only two of them you see . She is confused - there are 8 types. He picks up the cheapest ones - oranges are oranges .
The choice of detergent takes ages - he swears by Lulu detergent . His arguement - you pay less and you get more . She is an Ariel babe . He sticks to his guns - she gives him a loving nudge and he smiles and picks up a 1 kg pack . You win some - you lose some .
She wants to buy chicken . He agrees . He is probably wondering and hoping she can cook . (She looks like the MAGGI types ).
There are many different brands of chicken and he does not know the difference but pretends he does . He picks up one . She wants small pieces . He wants the skin removed . She says its a waste of money . They argue . His patience is wearing thin . Not sure what happened - I think they ended up buys eggs as they both were afraid of offending each other. Awwwwww!!!!!
Quite a few exercise freaks as well- wannabees - some the Nike types and true to the brand- shoes , T shirt, shorts , socks, wrist bands , sweat band on the head - if Nike make it they buy it and wear it - all at the same time . The perfect gulfie .
Then there is the mix and match type- Addidas T shirt, Everlast track pant, Nike shoes , unbranded socks , Adidas cap- it must be worn back to the front , and some coloured bracelet. A small towel on the shoulder. He is my age and bald- but thinks he is 21. Stretching and twisting his torso - trying to catch a glimpse of himself in the showcase . Looked like a salesman - I dont know why but thats the feeling I got . I could be wrong .
The biggest joke is that these so called Gym junkies are panting while pushing the trolley - they are perspiring - after just one aisle mind you ! Not sure if they go to the gym in the first place . They probably do - only on a Friday - and then they come shopping !
Then there are shorts - people in Dubai are obsessed with shorts and they wear them at any time - the place and the occasion does not matter - nor does their shape . What better place than Lulu on a Friday morning .
So there are the normal knee length shorts , there are short shorts , there are the three quarters . There are women in men's shorts and vice versa ( couples ) . So there was this lady in shorts a tad too tight and a trifle too short and she looked hideous . Did her husband not notice ? Or maybe he enjoyed letting her look silly . Maybe they had had a fight that morning and this was his way of revenge ! Whatever be the reason she was a sight for sore eyes . And she kept pulling and adjusting them between her legs . Some shorts have stuff written on them as well and I swear this is not made up . On her shorts and accross her dierrie was the word "JUICY ". Maybe this is the name of a brand- I am not sure but ...........JUICY ?? for goodness sake .
What about T shirts . You get terrific ones - all brands , colours, sizes . You name it and you can find it but come Friday morning and the strangest ones are fetched from the back of the cupboard and worn . They are usually crushed . Ironed tshirts are are not cool anymore . The more shabby and crushed - the better .
Why in heavens name would you wear a T shirt if you dont have the body for one in the first place . And when you have the body for one , must you chose a T Shirt that has funny and inappropriate stuff scrawled all over .
So there was this scrawny guy with "TRY ME" . Another with a big face of a fierce looking animal - Looked like a tiger - He was the meakest looking guy in the whole hypermarket . Then there was this old gent - grey hair , balding and spectacles that were thick and ugly . His T shirt had "MEAN STREAK" . Mean streak ?? Was he crazy . He looked like a priest .
Then you have BEATLES/ SCORPIONS and YUMMY ! Skulls, Hearts , and Faces are also common.
One elderly lady had "I LUV GRANDMA" on her back and her companion - a very tall thin gent had" BRAINS " on his . Pardon me and I dont mean to be rude but he looked rather brainless as he had a perpetual smile on his face- but then as they say - looks are deceptive .
Woman are not to be left far behind . In the first place the T shirt is often a size too small and then it has strange words- DON' T LOOK HERE , KISS ME , DON'T STARE ( on her back ) . Some stuff is embarassing to write about so I wont - leaving it to your fertile imagination . ( You wicked Bishops Boys I mean YOU )
Of course there are the usual fat guys with the names of Footballers and the ever so famous "FLY EMIRATES ". Messi and Ronaldo often vie for space on paunch .
While many of the tshirts are the Originals , a large no are the copies - with words often misspelt as well .
Of course there are the kids pushing empty trolleys down one aisle after the other . You need to stay far and stay safe . Often sibblings race trolleys - if you're not careful they will bang into you from the front , back or side . They will bang the back of your ankle and cause you to wince in pain or push the trolley over your toes and look sheepish . When that happens , parents immediately disown them and look away / walk away - they know fully well that is the easiest thing to do . No adult wants to get into a slanging match with a kid - definitely not in Dubai. You swallow hard , grind your teeth and walk away in pain .
Ok here is something strange and it usually happens on a busy Friday . Guys with no better entertainment come to Lulu to do imaginary shopping . It is sad but quite painful for the Lulu employees as well . So this is what they do. They spend a few hours in the Hypermarket - walking around, checking prices , discussing brands with a friend ( This is only guys ) and filling up the trolley . They go to all the girls who are giving out free samples - so they have coffee, tea, juice, flavoured milk, biscuits , cheese etc. Then when they are either tired, fed up or full they just leave the trolley in the aisle and walk away and go home . It's easy , its fun and much more interesting than sitting in a small room with 15 other men and chatting . The rooms probably don't smell very good as well .
Decision making about what to buy often takes up a lot of time - which brand, what size. how many or how much . Then there are the offers - Buy two soaps and get two free , 6 tubes of tooth paste and get 4 tooth brushes free , two packets of flour taped together, 2 bottles of oil taped together with 20 % extra printed on the tape . It's confusing , it's interesting , it gets you calculating . In the end one is not sure if its a marketing scam or a genuine offer but it sure looks good and very very tempting .
More often than not people end up buying stuff they do not want , do not need and may never use - Of if you buy it your left using it for a year .
I once showed interest in a sale of 6 tubes of tooth paste and then realized that the expiry date was 6 months away . With it were 2 scrubbers for cleaning ovens and one tooth brush free . A strange combination . Did I mention that some of the sales people are very persistant and it's so difficult to refuse them . I have to admit that rather than offend them , I have - on few occasions - this was one of them - taken what they have shown me and left it on a shelf in another aisle !
The payment counters are another thing altogether . There are about 10 counters and about 50 people with full trolleys waiting to pay at any given time . ( This is where a lot of the ankle and shin banging takes place )
So you get in line and wait your turn . You watch people getting impatient - scolding and smacking kids who are tired and fed up . They look around and dart into a line that seems to be moving faster . Then there is a hold up and husband and wife argue as to whose falult it was to change lines .
Then there are the bags . Lulu loves bags and obvioulsy has more bags than they need so you get 6 bananas in a bag , then tea leaves and coffee in another , some vegetables in one , fruit in another. By the time your Friday purchases are done with you have about 30 bags of various sizes - usually bigger than necessary .
You pay and if its sale time you get lucky coupons - Spend 100 dhms and that gets you one . Some are Scratch & Win , some are Lucky raffle draw . I have scratched and not won - it reads - Better luck next time - Try again ! Am still trying. Maybe I will have better luck next time or the time after the next time !
The coupons take ages to fill in and when you see about 20000 in the box you lose hope . But someone has to win . Maybe me ! Maybe next time !
Not sure but I am yet to win anything . Probably when I do it will be the Camry with the big red bow .
If I am lucky it may be the 4 KG gold . OMG how will I take the gold to India . Now thats worrying me . Any ideas ?
I will wait , I will fill in the coupons diligently and I will continue to shop at Lulu . When I win I will write about it and tell you all .
And no - I dont go shopping in shorts or in T shirts with funny writing .
1 comment:
Long one but it kept me hooked. My day's quota of laughter is met - you see, laughter is the best medicine! Cheers and more please!! 😆
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