I have the WhatsApp blues

 

  

Yippee – I have been added to the 27^th, 30^th or 34^th WhatsApp group!

My popularity is soaring, and I am over the Moon or Mars or Neptune for that matter! Truly, my joy knows no bounds, and my cup runneth over.

On a more serious note, I am overwhelmed & at times feel swamped, as WhatsApp and WhatsApp groups are playing ducks and drakes with the world, often stressing me and probably others out, and taking up valuable time. I am positive  I am not alone in this harrowing quagmire.

Do I reply?  Must I reply? What if I don’t? What will they think? Will they be annoyed?

These questions vex me.

There is a belief that when WhatsApp entered the world, our lives changed forever, and things will only get more irksome. This is now a self-evident truth

When WhatsApp first started, I enjoyed it. Now I am beginning to loathe it. I think I know what you will advise – “Delete WhatsApp and be done with it”. However, that is easier said than done, for innumerable reasons.

Was checking my WhatsApp messages at 5 am today, and I that is insane – I have been added to innumerable groups and I get and send far too many WhatsApp messages every day. I have joined some groups willingly. I enjoy them and the light-hearted banter they provide- some for work related purposes -  as for others, the less said the better.

  Surprisingly, I have lost track of the number of groups I am part of - extended family, immediate family, various work related, hometown/ country, school and college, residential society, musical pals, and new friend’s groups. Old pupils, old friends, vague acquaintances, classmates, poetry lovers, story writers, cat lovers, baking aficionados, just for fun, animal lovers and collector groups. You go to a wedding, party, picnic, or barbecue and someone or the other makes and adds you to a new group to either plan the next event or just keep in touch.

 Thankfully, this has not happened after a funeral yet, but you never know. Someone may think of ‘funeral buddies’ or ‘pall bearers! God forbid if that happens!

Many of these groups have their parts and subgroups too. Numerous people I know are on common groups, and that’s even worse. Almost all have been started by people I know, so that’s the awkward part!

 I am the administrator of no group, as I believe that I lack those essential leadership skills.

However, I am literally up to the gills, after being inundated with good jokes, lame jokes, photographs, videos, good morning, good night, & have a nice day messages, unnecessary videos, irritating poems, blessings, memes, tips and tricks, official messages, and the like - daily. Then there are those appallingly, grisly chain messages, informing me that if I do not forward to ten people within five minutes, I will fall ill, or my nose will fall off or something to that effect. Some promise rewards from above!

 This morning I counted over 75 WhatsApp messages, and then stopped counting, as my head began spinning, my nose itching & my eyes crossing.

At midnight, India time, my phone routinely goes ‘ping’. On the few occasions I have been awake, and that is rare, I have scrolled down to see ‘Good Morning’ messages beginning to fill my inbox.  For goodness’s sake have mercy, ‘GET TO BED’ and let me have a peaceful night’s sleep! I am no nyctophile. There are still a few hours for morning to break.  

Occasionally, there will be a group message during the witching hours, when the owls are out hunting, and within a few minutes everyone else is commenting, advising, suggesting, congratulating, counseling, thanking, condoling or whatever. Don’t people have a life? I can understand if there is an emergency, but making it a habit, is nauseating, irritating and oh so very exasperating.

I was once on a plane to Pune, and about to doze off, when some people got talking and I got drawn into the conversation because I opened my big mouth and said that Pune was home!

 Yes, you guessed it right – one over enthusiastic gentleman was so delighted with his newfound friends, which included me, that he immediately took everyone’s number; there were seven of us; took a group selfie at past one in the morning, immediately formed a WhatsApp group, without so much as a by your leave, named it ‘Happy Pune travellers’ and sent us the photograph while we were still at passport control. Everyone looked dishevelled, disoriented, uninterested and groggy.  By the time I got into the taxi, I had received jokes, snaps of his family and pet dogs, a few holidays snaps of him in Dubai, and an invitation to dinner at his place to catch up.  He requested all of us to reply with similar pictures, so that we could get to know each other better. I never did, I never went, and I ensured that I promptly exited the group the same day!

Now please do not get me wrong – some of the groups I am part of are useful, and save time, which otherwise would be spent in sending emails but there must be a limit. Others are relaxing, amusing, help us keep in touch and I enjoy them.  

At times if you are part of a large group and everyone comments on a particular post, you feel compelled to do the same, lest you be termed anti-social, uninterested, or uninvolved, and we all know how quick society is to become judge, jury, and executioner!

I was once part of a group and tried to exit quietly and politely after not actively participating for over a month. Within the hour I got umpteen messages asking me why I was angry, did I have more exciting things to do, had I joined a rival group, calling me boring, and one or two which bordered on uncivil, and insulting! Leaving a WhatsApp group is like leaving the dinner table and saying, ‘I am fed up with you bores, hence I am off home’!

 I will admit that I have, over the years, joined this bandwagon of busybodies and at times forward unnecessary stuff too. It is so easy to pick up dirty habits. I plan to cease doing so, as I feel it is not sensible or practical – that is my summer resolution!

So, if you don’t get a reply to a message you know why!

Remember the hit song Hotel California?

"Relax, " said the night man,
"We are programmed to receive.
You can check-out any time you like,
But you can never leave! "

Sums up Social media, doesn’t it?

 

 

(I do not mean to hurt or insult anyone – family, friends, colleagues, and ex pupils, as WhatsApp does have its plus points but this is becoming a case of ‘too much for an old man to handle).