Where are weddings made

 Four Decades of Marriage: From That Rainy Day in Allahabad

They say marriages are made in heaven. Others say on exotic beaches, in grand hotels, or even on a cruise. After 40 years of marriage, I’m still not sure where they’re made.

My wife and I had known each other since school, and by the time we tied the knot, we were both working at The Bishop’s School, Pune. That made planning easier — and mercifully spared us some of the usual family “input.” You know the drill — aunts, uncles, brothers, sisters, and cousins all adding their two-penny bit.

Choosing who to invite was another challenge. Our families had lived in Allahabad for generations and seemed to know everyone in town. We had to make cuts — we certainly didn’t want a spectacle, and frankly, we couldn’t have afforded one.

We wanted a simple wedding — no glamour, no extravagance — just what we could manage with our modest savings. Clothes, rings, invites, favours — all were organized in Pune and carried to Allahabad.

The wedding Mass was at our majestic St. Joseph’s Cathedral, a building of soaring arches, stained-glass windows, and rich history. Fr. George D’Souza, a family friend, officiated, along with a few other priests connected to our families. The choir — nuns from St. Mary’s — sang like angels, though for a tense moment we all hoped they wouldn’t forget to show up and silently prayed the pageboy wouldn’t drop the rings.

The flower girls and bridesmaids were adorable, their smiles lighting up the cathedral more than the stained glass ever could. Seeing the little ones waltzing and twirling made me realize weddings are as much about their joy as ours. Bridesmaids, flower girls, and close friends completed the scene, adding warmth, love and laughter.

The reception was at the renowned Thornhill Club, just 25 meters from my home — perfect for last-minute preparations. The hall decorations were mostly homemade by talented friends and family, colourful, creative, and full of love. On the morning of the wedding, it poured. Torrential rain. We also wondered if we would get the roses for the bouquet — thankfully, we did.

We ensured the food was cooked by the best cooks available — after all, anyone who knows anything about cooking knows that food cooked on a wood fire has a taste like no other. The cooks reassured me, “Don’t worry, sahib. All will be well.” And it was. By evening, the shamiana looked splendid, the food was ready, and the hall was buzzing with laughter. Every guest ate heartily, and even the colony servants got their fill. There was so much food that the idea of throwing any away, as people do nowadays, never crossed our minds. And there it was — the beautiful and delicious five-tier wedding cake, baked and decorated in Allahabad, a true centerpiece admired by all, before it was devoured!

And then the music. The band, The Vibrations, led by Cyril Shepherd, Valentine Massey, and Tony Rodericks, was sensational. I often played with this band, so it was a no-brainer to join them at my own wedding — and before long, everyone was dancing to my tune!

Looking back, it was everything a wedding should be - simple, joyful, full of music, laughter, and togetherness. No drone cameras, choreographed sangeets, or designer outfits. Just a family and community celebrating, old friends catching up, and a couple starting life with God's blessings, rain, and rhythm.

When I look at the photos now, I can’t help but notice how skinny we were — I looked ridiculous! My daughters, never miss a chance to comment. Even now, when I see the children looking so adorable — I can’t help remembering that many of them, including both our mothers whose blessings we received, are no longer with us.

Two days after the big day, we were off to Pune to start married life. We piled into three slightly battered cycle rickshaws with friendly drivers, with our two large suitcases, a few extra bags, and not forgetting food and water for the journey - all of it jostling and bouncing along as the drivers cheerfully navigated the pot- holed roads — as was the norm in those days. Then it was off by train in sleeper class, truly, those were the days!

Weddings today are much grander, flashier and costlier, but marriages last not because of the money spent, venues or outfits — they last because of love, patience, trust, humour, forgiveness, and faith. And of course, a large dose of patience — after all, my wife has tolerated me for 40 years, proof enough that miracles still happen!

And if you can add a little music, dancing, and laughter along the way — well, that’s the rhythm that keeps it alive for a lifetime.