Linkedin

 It's about LinkedIn 

It begins with a ping.

A connection request from someone you have never met, never heard of, and are reasonably certain has never crossed your professional orbit.

No mutual connections.

No shared institutions.

No obvious reason.

No clue why.

You accept—because you are polite or just in a good mood. 

Two minutes later, the message arrives.

> So amazing to see you here!!!

Here?

I have been here for years. 

Next line:

> Heard great things about you. Truly inspirational!

From whom?

My barber?

The tailor who spoilt my suit? 

Ali my Gardner? 

The gentleman who once watched me battle a malfunctioning laptop?

Then, without warning, the conversation turns deeply personal:

> How’s life been treating you? All good? 

We have not exchanged a hello and already we are reviewing my life and being supportive ? 

Then the fan moment:

> Big fan of your work. Way to go. 

Which work?

My annual appraisals? 

The articles on my cat ? 

My ability to locate the mute button before speaking?

And finally, the blessing:

> You do an amazing job. Keep it up Mr Michael !

Keep what up?

Functioning?

And get my name right. Michael is my first name.

I glance at the profile.

No posts.

No activity.

One inspirational quote 2 years ago about  success being a journey! 

There is something impressive about the confidence—

the warmth of a long-lost classmate,

the familiarity of a family friend,

the enthusiasm of someone who has absolutely no idea who you are.

It is networking as performance.

A friendly monologue delivered to a stranger.

And it always arrives before you set off for work.