What do we spend most of our life doing?

Friday musings What do we spend most of our life doing? This is what I have thought about very often. So we are either working, earning, eating, exercising , talking to friends – family – colleagues, exercising , watching TV , driving , travelling , reading or whatever and life is going on . Above all, we are busy conforming and living up to the expectations of the world around us However, when was the last time you sat down or lay down and just thought? Nothing else. When was the last time you actually thought about your life and what you wanted to do with it – what direction you were moving in and where you were going? Seriously and without thinking of ‘pending work’ or ‘what do I do next’ I know what many are going to say – ‘life is far too short to waste time just thinking’. Alternatively, ‘we are getting on with life, the thinking stage is over ’! Fair point and well noted Life is all about balance – it is your life after all and there is only one – so sometimes it is okay and often even necessary to shut down, kick back and do nothing. You do not need to be rushing around, getting things done and measuring output all the time. Multi-tasking, meeting deadlines and delivering is fine but are you focusing on the ‘me time’ or waiting for a meltdown? Often people tell me they are exhausted, stressed out, fed up , depressed and finding it next to impossible to go on and that’s sad . I do feel that the pressures of modern day living with the often-unreasonable expectations of society are the cause of innumerable ills in the world. Words like peer pressure, mental health, conform , temper tantrums ,substance abuse , insomnia, irritability, mood changes, depression anxiety, eating disorders, panic attacks, triggers , inconsistencies, counselling , special education are all fairly new and a cause for concern. The number of psychologist or psychiatrists has gone up many time fold and they are in more demand than ever before. Have we ever wondered why ? Research suggests that about one fifth of the population suffers from some mental health issues at some time during the course of their life. This is an alarming statistic and either not many are doing much about it or we are hoping it will just go away as locusts do after feasting. Now please do not get me wrong – I am no expert, I do not have all or any of the answers for that matter. However I have a thought - It’s it ironical that while technology is continually invented to supposedly saves us time and make our lives easier , we somehow use that time to do more and more things, and so our lives are more fast-paced and hectic than ever.! Are we actually enjoying our time and our lives and focusing on what is important for us? I do know many who are and I make an attempt as well – and yes, I do feel I am succeeding in doing more things that I enjoy and give me satisfaction. Hence, I read, write, speak, play my guitar, watch fun stuff on television, relax, laugh and (try) and making people laugh as well. At times, I succeeded and at other times, I fail but then again who is counting! Are we spending time smelling the roses and watching the birds fly by - or are we busy listing the tasks to be completed? Making a conscious choice to SLOW DOWN is not always an easy one, but it leads to a greater appreciation for life and a greater level of happiness. Being truly present , believing in quality over quantity , disconnecting from the world while connecting with people ( if you get what I mean ), eating or driving slower , simplifying where possible , de-cluttering are all the need of the hour . Not easy, I know. I am in not advocating that we should not work hard or that we should just sit back and breathe! What I am saying is that in order to ensure that our emotional equilibrium is stable we must walk in the rain, stomp in the puddles and laugh aloud! To quote Jerome Segal in Grateful Simplicity:- “The time we give to things reflects our values. When everything is rushed, then everything has been devalued . . . To live gracefully is to live within flowing rhythms at a human pace . . . There is time to pay respect to the value of what you do, to the worth of those you care for, and to the possessions you own. Gracefulness is not possible when life is frantic, when we are harried, or suffer from overload, time crunch, and a vast multiplicity of commitments and pressures.” It is about time we make a concerted effort to ensure that our life becomes more spacious, more meaningful, and more joyful. We owe it to ourselves and at times, we MUST put ourselves first.

What do we spend most of our life doing?

Friday musings What do we spend most of our life doing? This is what I have thought about very often. So we are either working, earning, eating, exercising , talking to friends – family – colleagues, exercising , watching TV , driving , travelling , reading or whatever and life is going on . Above all, we are busy conforming and living up to the expectations of the world around us However, when was the last time you sat down or lay down and just thought? Nothing else. When was the last time you actually thought about your life and what you wanted to do with it – what direction you were moving in and where you were going? Seriously and without thinking of ‘pending work’ or ‘what do I do next’ I know what many are going to say – ‘life is far too short to waste time just thinking’. Alternatively, ‘we are getting on with life, the thinking stage is over ’! Fair point and well noted Life is all about balance – it is your life after all and there is only one – so sometimes it is okay and often even necessary to shut down, kick back and do nothing. You do not need to be rushing around, getting things done and measuring output all the time. Multi-tasking, meeting deadlines and delivering is fine but are you focusing on the ‘me time’ or waiting for a meltdown? Often people tell me they are exhausted, stressed out, fed up , depressed and finding it next to impossible to go on and that’s sad . I do feel that the pressures of modern day living with the often-unreasonable expectations of society are the cause of innumerable ills in the world. Words like peer pressure, mental health, conform , temper tantrums ,substance abuse , insomnia, irritability, mood changes, depression anxiety, eating disorders, panic attacks, triggers , inconsistencies, counselling , special education are all fairly new and a cause for concern. The number of psychologist or psychiatrists has gone up many time fold and they are in more demand than ever before. Have we ever wondered why ? Research suggests that about one fifth of the population suffers from some mental health issues at some time during the course of their life. This is an alarming statistic and either not many are doing much about it or we are hoping it will just go away as locusts do after feasting. Now please do not get me wrong – I am no expert, I do not have all or any of the answers for that matter. However I have a thought - It’s it ironical that while technology is continually invented to supposedly saves us time and make our lives easier , we somehow use that time to do more and more things, and so our lives are more fast-paced and hectic than ever.! Are we actually enjoying our time and our lives and focusing on what is important for us? I do know many who are and I make an attempt as well – and yes, I do feel I am succeeding in doing more things that I enjoy and give me satisfaction. Hence, I read, write, speak, play my guitar, watch fun stuff on television, relax, laugh and (try) and making people laugh as well. At times, I succeeded and at other times, I fail but then again who is counting! Are we spending time smelling the roses and watching the birds fly by - or are we busy listing the tasks to be completed? Making a conscious choice to SLOW DOWN is not always an easy one, but it leads to a greater appreciation for life and a greater level of happiness. Being truly present , believing in quality over quantity , disconnecting from the world while connecting with people ( if you get what I mean ), eating or driving slower , simplifying where possible , de-cluttering are all the need of the hour . Not easy, I know. I am in not advocating that we should not work hard or that we should just sit back and breathe! What I am saying is that in order to ensure that our emotional equilibrium is stable we must walk in the rain, stomp in the puddles and laugh aloud! To quote Jerome Segal in Grateful Simplicity:- “The time we give to things reflects our values. When everything is rushed, then everything has been devalued . . . To live gracefully is to live within flowing rhythms at a human pace . . . There is time to pay respect to the value of what you do, to the worth of those you care for, and to the possessions you own. Gracefulness is not possible when life is frantic, when we are harried, or suffer from overload, time crunch, and a vast multiplicity of commitments and pressures.” It is about time we make a concerted effort to ensure that our life becomes more spacious, more meaningful, and more joyful. We owe it to ourselves and at times, we MUST put ourselves first.

My tiffin

When packing some fruit to take to work the other day, I suddenly remembered the word “tiffin” Back in school I remember taking my tiffin along in a very nondescript tiffin box. However, some of the tiffin boxes of other pupils varied in size, shape and design and obviously cost as well. There were the ordinary plastic ones of different colours, the plain metal ones, those made of steel, ones that had pictures on them, the double decker ones, some with separators, many with side clasps and the like. While I carried just one, I remember some boys bringing two and three in addition to water bottles. So, one was used for the short tea break at around eleven am while the other two were for lunch at around one pm. Some pupils did not carry their lunch, but it was brought to school by a servant as they were known back in the day. They were the richer boys, so they had freshly made hot food! Some of those servants came by cycle, others by a motorised two-wheeler – a few came by car along with a driver. Some mothers who obviously had very little to do at home came along in the car with the lunch as well! Hence some of the lunches were rather elaborate affairs – a mat or two was laid out in a shady area, then there was a flask with cold water , a glass to drink from , cutlery ,two or three tiffin boxes with steaming hot food , fruit and whatever else caught the child’s fancy . I have also seen mothers fanning the child while he ate! Many of these kids were rather pampered (not all I must add ) and so rather than play with their friends during the break, they sat and talked to mummy , revised their work , showed mummy how much they had scored in the test and probably put on weight . Other charged off to play as soon as they had managed to gulp down their lunch leaving poor mum or servant to pack up and leave. As they say, “Some mother DO ‘Ave ‘Em. But let me not digress from my original thought. My mother ensured that she packed a tasty treat for me on almost all days, me being the fussy kid that I was! So, it was a mix and match combination of omelettes, cutlets, mince fry, kababs, parathas, purees, macaroni and cheese, noodles, mixed fried rice , etc on different days of the week (my mouth is watering as I key this in as my mum cooked well). The funny part is that I hardly ever ate the food I took. Two or three of us would have lunch together while seated on the large protruding roots of an old neem tree - I would end up eating their food and they mine and all three of us swore that the others’ food was tastier! I also remember that one of my friends was a vegetarian or rather that is what he claimed to be, but he tucked into my tiffin with gusto. The eating of the tiffin took about ten minutes, then we drunk water from the school tap and were off to play. Fast forward to when my daughters went to school about 20 years ago and things hadn’t changed very much – almost the same scenario was played out in all schools. I do recollect one funny incident where one of the girls came home and when her tiffin was opened it contained some food which she had not taken to school – that’s when we realized that even they never ate the food they took! Not too sure of how things stand today but what I do know is that many mothers still wake up very early in the morning to prepare the tiffin. Whether their wards eat it or not is what you need to find out!

My tiffin

When packing some fruit to take to work the other day, I suddenly remembered the word “tiffin” Back in school I remember taking my tiffin along in a very nondescript tiffin box. However, some of the tiffin boxes of other pupils varied in size, shape and design and obviously cost as well. There were the ordinary plastic ones of different colours, the plain metal ones, those made of steel, ones that had pictures on them, the double decker ones, some with separators, many with side clasps and the like. While I carried just one, I remember some boys bringing two and three in addition to water bottles. So, one was used for the short tea break at around eleven am while the other two were for lunch at around one pm. Some pupils did not carry their lunch, but it was brought to school by a servant as they were known back in the day. They were the richer boys, so they had freshly made hot food! Some of those servants came by cycle, others by a motorised two-wheeler – a few came by car along with a driver. Some mothers who obviously had very little to do at home came along in the car with the lunch as well! Hence some of the lunches were rather elaborate affairs – a mat or two was laid out in a shady area, then there was a flask with cold water , a glass to drink from , cutlery ,two or three tiffin boxes with steaming hot food , fruit and whatever else caught the child’s fancy . I have also seen mothers fanning the child while he ate! Many of these kids were rather pampered (not all I must add ) and so rather than play with their friends during the break, they sat and talked to mummy , revised their work , showed mummy how much they had scored in the test and probably put on weight . Other charged off to play as soon as they had managed to gulp down their lunch leaving poor mum or servant to pack up and leave. As they say, “Some mother DO ‘Ave ‘Em. But let me not digress from my original thought. My mother ensured that she packed a tasty treat for me on almost all days, me being the fussy kid that I was! So, it was a mix and match combination of omelettes, cutlets, mince fry, kababs, parathas, purees, macaroni and cheese, noodles, mixed fried rice , etc on different days of the week (my mouth is watering as I key this in as my mum cooked well). The funny part is that I hardly ever ate the food I took. Two or three of us would have lunch together while seated on the large protruding roots of an old neem tree - I would end up eating their food and they mine and all three of us swore that the others’ food was tastier! I also remember that one of my friends was a vegetarian or rather that is what he claimed to be, but he tucked into my tiffin with gusto. The eating of the tiffin took about ten minutes, then we drunk water from the school tap and were off to play. Fast forward to when my daughters went to school about 20 years ago and things hadn’t changed very much – almost the same scenario was played out in all schools. I do recollect one funny incident where one of the girls came home and when her tiffin was opened it contained some food which she had not taken to school – that’s when we realized that even they never ate the food they took! Not too sure of how things stand today but what I do know is that many mothers still wake up very early in the morning to prepare the tiffin. Whether their wards eat it or not is what you need to find out!

Life is fragile

Two incidents which happened quite close together reminded me how fragile and temporary  life really is .

Around three weeks ago I visited one of the schools I work with  and met a lady who was in Middle management . I often saw here whenever I visited . She assisted me that particular  day  and chatted animatedly for a few minutes as she usually did – always cheeful and smiling .One morning , ten days later she felt breathless & was rushed to  hospital . Blockages were found and   a stent was  put . She  came home  and was on the road to recovery .  

A few days later she felt out of sorts again , was taken back to hospital again and passed away later that day . She leaves behind grieving friends and relatives . It all seems to have happened in a blur .

A week or so ago , once again in a school , a gentleman  came to see me after a function   . We chatted for a while , exchanged pleasantries &  took a few photographs . He sounded  excited about his son going to college in a few months’ time and about the upcoming board examinations .

Two days later   I heard  he had travelled abroad , had suddenly developed a serious health problem  and needed an urgent  procedure to be performed . The same was carried out and he is recovering well by God’s  grace – need I add, he is a lovely gentleman .

Thinking about such things often make me well up and feel sad .

Is life unfair ? Is it far too fragile for us humans to cope? Are we ever going to be prepared ?

We often get so caught up in the day to day chores , jobs and accompanying  worries , living life in the fast lane that we find no time to pause, reflect and smell the roses . The destination is always beckoning us and we are always in “fast forward” mode.

Everything is either a race , a chase or a competition and we have conditioned ourselves to enjoy it or so we believe .  

Often I remark about our lives as educationists,  preparing pupils for life ten or fifteen years hence,  while not actually having a clue what life has in store for any of us a minute from now . In reality , there are no guarantees and all you can do is live , love and be the best version of yourself as possible .

I know this is easier said than done but we need to take ourselves away from the artificial aspects of life and the things that wont matter in the long run and learn to appreciate what we have in the “now” because at any time it can all end .

At the start of every year you hear people talking about how “this year” they will tick items off their bucket list -:

The sky dive they are dying to do

The trip up to the Everest base camp

The book they planned to write ( me )

However we keep putting off the start and we choose  to stay busy while complaining about the paucity of time to indulge in our pet projects .

While planning ahead and striving for new goals is admirable, we also need to enjoy the present moments and celebrate our successes however small and insignificant they may seem at the moment  .

We all have to deal with minor annoyances and inconveniences in our lifetime  but we should learn to complain less and parctice gratitude instead .

Envy, hate, anger, jealousy are all toxic emotions that eat us up – we know that for a fact but that does not prevent us from letting them fuel our passions and emotions to frightening proportions . At times It's fine to take inspiration from others &  to admire their life style and achievements  but that can lead to envy  and do more harm than good .

Often we look at neighbours, friends and colleagues and the life they lead – the fun, the frolic, the fancy cars and sprawling mansions  but we must  remind ourselves  that we don’t actually know the life they lead – their regrets, insecurities, and self doubts which they could be masking with a smile – it’s the truth !

Facebook and Instagram do make for happy families and continous good times ! The fact that we know that many are faking it does nothing to stop us from pressing the “like” button

On closer inspection we need to embrace the life we have , leaving behind the negativity and that which does not matter .

A lot of our time, energy and passion  is wasted in futile pursuits in trying to change the world instead of trying  to change ourselves and therin lies the problem . We are reckless with the time at our disposal in the present , passified by the assumption that our future will be enriched by the things we hope to do .

I am often reminded of the lines from As you Like it by William Shakespeare and spoken by Jaques

“  All the world’s a stage,

And all the men and women merely players;

They have their exits and their entrances;

And one man in his time plays many parts”

The day we are born, the curtain goes up and we start playing that first part– there are no practices and no  dress rehearseals and we are thrown head first into  the final show – there is only  one chance to prove ourselves  .

Life is an extremely  precious and fragile gift & we need to make the most of it because, like a china pot , it can easily fall and shatter into a thousand pieces and all that would be left would be tears in other peoples eyes .

 

Life is fragile

Two incidents which happened quite close together reminded me how fragile and temporary  life really is .

Around three weeks ago I visited one of the schools I work with  and met a lady who was in Middle management . I often saw here whenever I visited . She assisted me that particular  day  and chatted animatedly for a few minutes as she usually did – always cheeful and smiling .One morning , ten days later she felt breathless & was rushed to  hospital . Blockages were found and   a stent was  put . She  came home  and was on the road to recovery .  

A few days later she felt out of sorts again , was taken back to hospital again and passed away later that day . She leaves behind grieving friends and relatives . It all seems to have happened in a blur .

A week or so ago , once again in a school , a gentleman  came to see me after a function   . We chatted for a while , exchanged pleasantries &  took a few photographs . He sounded  excited about his son going to college in a few months’ time and about the upcoming board examinations .

Two days later   I heard  he had travelled abroad , had suddenly developed a serious health problem  and needed an urgent  procedure to be performed . The same was carried out and he is recovering well by God’s  grace – need I add, he is a lovely gentleman .

Thinking about such things often make me well up and feel sad .

Is life unfair ? Is it far too fragile for us humans to cope? Are we ever going to be prepared ?

We often get so caught up in the day to day chores , jobs and accompanying  worries , living life in the fast lane that we find no time to pause, reflect and smell the roses . The destination is always beckoning us and we are always in “fast forward” mode.

Everything is either a race , a chase or a competition and we have conditioned ourselves to enjoy it or so we believe .  

Often I remark about our lives as educationists,  preparing pupils for life ten or fifteen years hence,  while not actually having a clue what life has in store for any of us a minute from now . In reality , there are no guarantees and all you can do is live , love and be the best version of yourself as possible .

I know this is easier said than done but we need to take ourselves away from the artificial aspects of life and the things that wont matter in the long run and learn to appreciate what we have in the “now” because at any time it can all end .

At the start of every year you hear people talking about how “this year” they will tick items off their bucket list -:

The sky dive they are dying to do

The trip up to the Everest base camp

The book they planned to write ( me )

However we keep putting off the start and we choose  to stay busy while complaining about the paucity of time to indulge in our pet projects .

While planning ahead and striving for new goals is admirable, we also need to enjoy the present moments and celebrate our successes however small and insignificant they may seem at the moment  .

We all have to deal with minor annoyances and inconveniences in our lifetime  but we should learn to complain less and parctice gratitude instead .

Envy, hate, anger, jealousy are all toxic emotions that eat us up – we know that for a fact but that does not prevent us from letting them fuel our passions and emotions to frightening proportions . At times It's fine to take inspiration from others &  to admire their life style and achievements  but that can lead to envy  and do more harm than good .

Often we look at neighbours, friends and colleagues and the life they lead – the fun, the frolic, the fancy cars and sprawling mansions  but we must  remind ourselves  that we don’t actually know the life they lead – their regrets, insecurities, and self doubts which they could be masking with a smile – it’s the truth !

Facebook and Instagram do make for happy families and continous good times ! The fact that we know that many are faking it does nothing to stop us from pressing the “like” button

On closer inspection we need to embrace the life we have , leaving behind the negativity and that which does not matter .

A lot of our time, energy and passion  is wasted in futile pursuits in trying to change the world instead of trying  to change ourselves and therin lies the problem . We are reckless with the time at our disposal in the present , passified by the assumption that our future will be enriched by the things we hope to do .

I am often reminded of the lines from As you Like it by William Shakespeare and spoken by Jaques

“  All the world’s a stage,

And all the men and women merely players;

They have their exits and their entrances;

And one man in his time plays many parts”

The day we are born, the curtain goes up and we start playing that first part– there are no practices and no  dress rehearseals and we are thrown head first into  the final show – there is only  one chance to prove ourselves  .

Life is an extremely  precious and fragile gift & we need to make the most of it because, like a china pot , it can easily fall and shatter into a thousand pieces and all that would be left would be tears in other peoples eyes .

 

The drawers in the house

For some reason or the other, we have a lot of drawers in our house and they collect junk or so I believe, much to the chagrin of the ladies in the household (read wife and two daughters) I would prefer none. No drawers attached anywhere. Then who is to explain this complex issue to the furniture designers of the world. For me, drawers are a pain For example - the showcase in the hall room has two humungous drawers, which are filled to the brim. The cabinet with my collection of beer mugs has two more , which have additional beer mugs in them as well. Then there is the bedside table, which also has two small ones - the dressing table with two long drawers - the draws in the little table in the bedroom, which in itself is of no use. I could go on. Now that is only two rooms that I have mentioned but I am sure you get the drift. Somehow, the two drawers that came with the showcase have been attached to my life and me and if you ask anyone what there is in them, the answer is “dads stuff”. So dad- (that is me) peered into them a few days before Christmas in an attempt to lighten them up, lest they collapse under the weight of the “dad’s stuff” in them. I must say, at this juncture that I was shocked at what I saw within. Now you may attribute the stuff within, to me, in some way or the other but technically, it was NOT MY STUFF. Let me explain. The items in the drawer were all “man items” if I may be permitted to coin a phrase. You would usually find them in man caves, in basements, in garages etc. However as we do not have any of those fancy rooms, they items are in the drawers. Now I had definitely seen these items, had probably put them there as well but that is where the story ends. Let me tell you what I found and I am going to list the same for ease of reference. 1. Any number of phone chargers – all colours, shapes, sizes and models. Never in my wildest dream could I imagine that over the years we had used so many phones. Of course, we could have lost chargers and bought new ones as well but there were seventeen in number. 2. Plugs, adapters and connecting wires. There were about twenty separate adapters and plugs plus different lengths of wire with plugs at the end. Some were male and some female – Yes I know the difference lest you are smirking at my ignorance! 3. These adapters were in all shapes and had probably been used in the different countries we had visited. Some also belonged to various appliances around the house. Others were still wrapped in plastic and had never been opened. They belonged to hair dryers, mixers, washing machines, grinders, blenders, television sets, computers, printers, irons, fridges, music systems, Karaoke sets, telephones, lamps and the like. 4. Tools – there were different types of tools , nails , screws, small pieces of plastic ( something to do with the electric connections ) all stuff I never use. 5. Bulbs – No clue but there are a large number of bulbs. Some for the various rooms but others, which seem to fit nowhere – probably bought for lamps long discarded or else they belonged to an old chandelier in the previous house. 6. Batteries – batteries always confuse me. There are the normal A, AA and AAA. Then there are others, which once again leave me befuzzled due to their size, and shape- just can never fathom out what they were for. 7. Books and cards – Encyclopedias and dictionaries which had not been used since Google came into the house , story books belonging to my kids ( now adults) which they read thirty years ago, recipe books , school magazines from various schools over the years , books on decoration , and old cards ( birthday, anniversary, Christmas, Easter, New year , ‘Eid, Diwali, Teachers’ day . While on the topic of books , let me add in the fact that the drawer was also choked with instruction books – for appliances , various apparatus & for the cars I have had over the years in the UAE– some in English, Hindi and even Arabic . Most of these have never been read Now except for some of the books, the rest of the stuff was not mine. Then the fight began! I am not a repairperson, I know nothing of tools and I never use them. As for the appliances – if there is a wire and plug and the same has to be plugged into the socket on the wall – fine – I can do it. If it requires something to be joined to something else, if there are red, green and blue connectors or wires and I have to decide which is which, if a connection has to be made or a fuse repaired – I opt out – simple and straightforward. Finally, I just chucked most of the stuff out and lightened the drawer – made me feel better. In addition, no – Marie Kondo has not influenced me