Are you a winner ?

Are you a winner? Do you go out there feeling that YOU WILL WIN? Research says that you can will yourself to win – a lot of succeeding & winning in life starts in the mind. You have probably heard of Pygmalion, the king of Cyprus – in Greek mythology – incidentally he was also a very talented sculptor. The story goes that he carved an extremely beautiful statue, which, according to him was the ideal woman. He even gave the statue a name – Galatea. The exquisite beauty of the statue mesmerized Pygmalion and he was enamoured with her. He spent days talking to the statue, while neglecting everything else around him. Friends and family began to get worried about his obsession which was bordering on the ridiculous. He however had a deep desire and will for the statue to be real and with the help of the Goddess Venus, he was actually able to bring her to life and they lived happily ever after. The Pygmalion effect or Rosenthal effect has come to serve as a metaphor that aptly illustrates the power of expectation. In simple language, it is all about positive self – expectancy, confidence and optimism. I vividly remember seeing ‘My Fair Lady’ where the speech professor’s expectations became the catalyst that finally inspired the magical transformation of an amusing Cockney flower seller into a lady! I guess that reinforces the point that when we expect more from ourselves and from others – we get more. When we expect less – we get less. Similarly, in the year 1968, Dr Robert Rosenthal, a professor of Psychology conducted a real- life experiment whereby a group of teachers were informed that they had been given a class of very high achievers when in reality they had been randomly assigned. When this controlled group were tested a year later, they performed measurably better than their counterparts. The teachers had high expectations after being informed that their pupils were high achievers and that had translated into more challenge in the classroom, better outcomes and increased student learning. Let me relate a personal anecdote. One January I was once asked by the boss as to when I was going to complete a particularly large and rather critical assignment for the company . I had thought about this at length and without batting an eyelid I said “ September’’ The boss looked at me in a rather incredulous manner and I knew what was coming. He said “I am sure it can be done before April’’ . He then went on in a rather matter of fact manner to list the things that needed to be done ( according to him) to complete the task and followed it up with, “ so is that okay” I had no other option but to reply in the affirmative. To cut a long story short, he was absolutely correct. He was confident that the job could be done before April and he believed I would be in a position to deliver as per his expectations. Needless to say I did! Do we want to win? If we condition our mind to it, we can definitely increase our chances of winning or at least doing much better. The problem is that so many people sell themselves short – in reality, they do not believe strongly enough in themselves and their capabilities and hence success eludes them time and time again. That has a downward spiralling effect – their confidence and creditability both take a beating and they end up cutting the same branch they are seated on. Winning begets winning and it is not just a cliché but a proven fact. Hence, If you want to do better in life, and who doesn’t , then go out there and expect to be a winner- not at all costs or at the expense of others but honourably! Success is sometimes only a breath away .

Are you a winner ?

Are you a winner? Do you go out there feeling that YOU WILL WIN? Research says that you can will yourself to win – a lot of succeeding & winning in life starts in the mind. You have probably heard of Pygmalion, the king of Cyprus – in Greek mythology – incidentally he was also a very talented sculptor. The story goes that he carved an extremely beautiful statue, which, according to him was the ideal woman. He even gave the statue a name – Galatea. The exquisite beauty of the statue mesmerized Pygmalion and he was enamoured with her. He spent days talking to the statue, while neglecting everything else around him. Friends and family began to get worried about his obsession which was bordering on the ridiculous. He however had a deep desire and will for the statue to be real and with the help of the Goddess Venus, he was actually able to bring her to life and they lived happily ever after. The Pygmalion effect or Rosenthal effect has come to serve as a metaphor that aptly illustrates the power of expectation. In simple language, it is all about positive self – expectancy, confidence and optimism. I vividly remember seeing ‘My Fair Lady’ where the speech professor’s expectations became the catalyst that finally inspired the magical transformation of an amusing Cockney flower seller into a lady! I guess that reinforces the point that when we expect more from ourselves and from others – we get more. When we expect less – we get less. Similarly, in the year 1968, Dr Robert Rosenthal, a professor of Psychology conducted a real- life experiment whereby a group of teachers were informed that they had been given a class of very high achievers when in reality they had been randomly assigned. When this controlled group were tested a year later, they performed measurably better than their counterparts. The teachers had high expectations after being informed that their pupils were high achievers and that had translated into more challenge in the classroom, better outcomes and increased student learning. Let me relate a personal anecdote. One January I was once asked by the boss as to when I was going to complete a particularly large and rather critical assignment for the company . I had thought about this at length and without batting an eyelid I said “ September’’ The boss looked at me in a rather incredulous manner and I knew what was coming. He said “I am sure it can be done before April’’ . He then went on in a rather matter of fact manner to list the things that needed to be done ( according to him) to complete the task and followed it up with, “ so is that okay” I had no other option but to reply in the affirmative. To cut a long story short, he was absolutely correct. He was confident that the job could be done before April and he believed I would be in a position to deliver as per his expectations. Needless to say I did! Do we want to win? If we condition our mind to it, we can definitely increase our chances of winning or at least doing much better. The problem is that so many people sell themselves short – in reality, they do not believe strongly enough in themselves and their capabilities and hence success eludes them time and time again. That has a downward spiralling effect – their confidence and creditability both take a beating and they end up cutting the same branch they are seated on. Winning begets winning and it is not just a cliché but a proven fact. Hence, If you want to do better in life, and who doesn’t , then go out there and expect to be a winner- not at all costs or at the expense of others but honourably! Success is sometimes only a breath away .

Why I left my home town and moved to Bishops , Pune

Born and bred in north india– then how come I ended up working in Pune and leaving my home town for good?
I have often been asked that question – so here is the answer.
I was teaching in a school Allahabad &   was a grade 7 teacher. The subjects I had been given to teach were English Language, Literature and History.
While in the second year of my career, I had a boy in the class who was known to be a little troublesome – however he never gave me any problem as such. In fact, I thought we got on well together. I do remember his name as well but prefer not to divulge the same. Lets just call him John Doe!
For the Final examination, it was decided as a policy, that teachers would not correct the examination papers of boys they taught. Hence the answer scripts of my class were corrected by teachers of other classes.
To cut a rather long story short, John Doe failed in three subjects and hence would have to repeat the class as per rules. The day the reports were to be given out he strolled in early and sat down – looking a trifle worried. I wondered if he had somehow got to know the results.
As I began handing out the report cards, there were umpteen claps and cheers for the toppers. As I progressed, I noticed John Doe becoming a trifle agitated. At one instance he tried to walk out of the class in a rather nonchalant manner -  I had to reprimand him and asked him to sit down which he did after glaring at me in a defiant manner .
Finally, it was the turn of the last three boys who had all failed. One was absent that day, the other had been ill, so he and his parents, expecting a failure had met me a week previously and it was agreed   that he would repeat the class. Finally, it was the turn of John Doe. I called his name and broke the news as gently as possible while handing him his report card. It is never easy for the teacher and taught and I know this very well.
It was then that things turned ugly. He grabbed the report card from my hand, tore it into pieces, threw it at me and told me in chaste Hindi that ‘this act would cost me dearly’. Mind you he was just 13 years old!
He then stormed out of the class which by then was in a state of complete shock at what had transpired over the last few minutes and you could have heard a pin drop. There was muted whispering and they looked at me for a reaction.
I was quite taken aback and very disturbed but somehow regained my composure as best I could  , spoke to the class and dismissed them for the day while wishing them all the very best for the next academic year.
I vividly remember the sequence of events that unfolded thereafter .
The staff lined up and had the staff photograph taken – while others made small talk I was soon walking towards a friend’s on campus residence -I guess I smelled  trouble -  four motorcycles made their way into the campus – one of the pillion riders was John Doe. My heart skipped a beat and I hurried into the house of my friend as I knew that there was serious trouble brewing. The bikes stopped – the riders obviously asked where I could be found – someone pointed in the direction I had taken and soon they were at the gate. The roar of the motorcycles and the blaring horns did very little to calm my thumping heart .
At this juncture I would like to tell you that my friend (may his soul rest in peace) was a  well-known toughie in those days and very respected in the city. As quickly as possible I told him what had happened. Telling me not to worry and that he would take care of it he strolled out while I peeped from the window.
On recognizing him, there were handshakes all round and smiles as well. It gave me a sense of comfort, but I was not sure of the outcome. I was then called out of the house to meet them. In a polite yet extremely firm manner they asked me why I had failed John Doe. Apparently two of them were his brothers while the other two were friends.  I explained, as calmly as possible, that the papers had been evaluated by others and not by me and hence, technically speaking, I had not failed the boy.
They were obviously not convinced and made it very clear to my friend and me that they needed a solution, needed it fast and come what may, the boy had to pass.
Without hesitation, my friend advised them to go and meet the Principal - he also whispered something to them which he told me about later! (he told them to be as tough on the Principal as they were on me and the job would be done)
So off they went to meet the Principal leaving John Doe at the gate. He did feel foolish, so he spent his time looking up at the large neem trees, humming to himself and kicking stones.
About fifteen minutes later we heard the motorcycles returning. One of the riders handed me a small slip of paper. The Principal had summoned me to meet him immediately.
I rushed to the office to be greeted by an extremely angry Principal who was pacing up and down. He asked me as to why I had failed the boy and why I wanted trouble! Without waiting for an answer, he told me to make amends and pass John Doe for my and his own peace and safety!
When I asked him how I was to do this, he told me to ‘find out’. He then stormed off.
So, I was advised by colleagues to take another report card and fill the same in with ‘pass marks’ and thus pass the pupil – needless to say, I did this pronto! The Principal signed the new document and I hurried back with the new amended report card.
On handing over the same to the eldest brother, I was asked if John Doe had passed. When I answered in the affirmative there were wide smiles all round and my friend & I were thanked profusely.
John Doe was made to ask for forgiveness and to me truthfully, that was quite a sham, but I accepted the olive branch. Funnily we all then went across the wall to have tea at the roadside tea stall – akin to smoking a peace pipe, I guess. The entire episode left me shaken.
My story ends there.
It was then that I decided that a repeat of the same was something I certainly did not look forward to and hence the move to Pune. The rest as they say I History. I spent twenty eventful years in Bishops Pune before moving to Dubai!
Here ends the lesson for the day!

Why I left my home town and moved to Bishops , Pune

Born and bred in north india– then how come I ended up working in Pune and leaving my home town for good?
I have often been asked that question – so here is the answer.
I was teaching in a school Allahabad &   was a grade 7 teacher. The subjects I had been given to teach were English Language, Literature and History.
While in the second year of my career, I had a boy in the class who was known to be a little troublesome – however he never gave me any problem as such. In fact, I thought we got on well together. I do remember his name as well but prefer not to divulge the same. Lets just call him John Doe!
For the Final examination, it was decided as a policy, that teachers would not correct the examination papers of boys they taught. Hence the answer scripts of my class were corrected by teachers of other classes.
To cut a rather long story short, John Doe failed in three subjects and hence would have to repeat the class as per rules. The day the reports were to be given out he strolled in early and sat down – looking a trifle worried. I wondered if he had somehow got to know the results.
As I began handing out the report cards, there were umpteen claps and cheers for the toppers. As I progressed, I noticed John Doe becoming a trifle agitated. At one instance he tried to walk out of the class in a rather nonchalant manner -  I had to reprimand him and asked him to sit down which he did after glaring at me in a defiant manner .
Finally, it was the turn of the last three boys who had all failed. One was absent that day, the other had been ill, so he and his parents, expecting a failure had met me a week previously and it was agreed   that he would repeat the class. Finally, it was the turn of John Doe. I called his name and broke the news as gently as possible while handing him his report card. It is never easy for the teacher and taught and I know this very well.
It was then that things turned ugly. He grabbed the report card from my hand, tore it into pieces, threw it at me and told me in chaste Hindi that ‘this act would cost me dearly’. Mind you he was just 13 years old!
He then stormed out of the class which by then was in a state of complete shock at what had transpired over the last few minutes and you could have heard a pin drop. There was muted whispering and they looked at me for a reaction.
I was quite taken aback and very disturbed but somehow regained my composure as best I could  , spoke to the class and dismissed them for the day while wishing them all the very best for the next academic year.
I vividly remember the sequence of events that unfolded thereafter .
The staff lined up and had the staff photograph taken – while others made small talk I was soon walking towards a friend’s on campus residence -I guess I smelled  trouble -  four motorcycles made their way into the campus – one of the pillion riders was John Doe. My heart skipped a beat and I hurried into the house of my friend as I knew that there was serious trouble brewing. The bikes stopped – the riders obviously asked where I could be found – someone pointed in the direction I had taken and soon they were at the gate. The roar of the motorcycles and the blaring horns did very little to calm my thumping heart .
At this juncture I would like to tell you that my friend (may his soul rest in peace) was a  well-known toughie in those days and very respected in the city. As quickly as possible I told him what had happened. Telling me not to worry and that he would take care of it he strolled out while I peeped from the window.
On recognizing him, there were handshakes all round and smiles as well. It gave me a sense of comfort, but I was not sure of the outcome. I was then called out of the house to meet them. In a polite yet extremely firm manner they asked me why I had failed John Doe. Apparently two of them were his brothers while the other two were friends.  I explained, as calmly as possible, that the papers had been evaluated by others and not by me and hence, technically speaking, I had not failed the boy.
They were obviously not convinced and made it very clear to my friend and me that they needed a solution, needed it fast and come what may, the boy had to pass.
Without hesitation, my friend advised them to go and meet the Principal - he also whispered something to them which he told me about later! (he told them to be as tough on the Principal as they were on me and the job would be done)
So off they went to meet the Principal leaving John Doe at the gate. He did feel foolish, so he spent his time looking up at the large neem trees, humming to himself and kicking stones.
About fifteen minutes later we heard the motorcycles returning. One of the riders handed me a small slip of paper. The Principal had summoned me to meet him immediately.
I rushed to the office to be greeted by an extremely angry Principal who was pacing up and down. He asked me as to why I had failed the boy and why I wanted trouble! Without waiting for an answer, he told me to make amends and pass John Doe for my and his own peace and safety!
When I asked him how I was to do this, he told me to ‘find out’. He then stormed off.
So, I was advised by colleagues to take another report card and fill the same in with ‘pass marks’ and thus pass the pupil – needless to say, I did this pronto! The Principal signed the new document and I hurried back with the new amended report card.
On handing over the same to the eldest brother, I was asked if John Doe had passed. When I answered in the affirmative there were wide smiles all round and my friend & I were thanked profusely.
John Doe was made to ask for forgiveness and to me truthfully, that was quite a sham, but I accepted the olive branch. Funnily we all then went across the wall to have tea at the roadside tea stall – akin to smoking a peace pipe, I guess. The entire episode left me shaken.
My story ends there.
It was then that I decided that a repeat of the same was something I certainly did not look forward to and hence the move to Pune. The rest as they say I History. I spent twenty eventful years in Bishops Pune before moving to Dubai!
Here ends the lesson for the day!

What do we spend most of our life doing?

Friday musings What do we spend most of our life doing? This is what I have thought about very often. So we are either working, earning, eating, exercising , talking to friends – family – colleagues, exercising , watching TV , driving , travelling , reading or whatever and life is going on . Above all, we are busy conforming and living up to the expectations of the world around us However, when was the last time you sat down or lay down and just thought? Nothing else. When was the last time you actually thought about your life and what you wanted to do with it – what direction you were moving in and where you were going? Seriously and without thinking of ‘pending work’ or ‘what do I do next’ I know what many are going to say – ‘life is far too short to waste time just thinking’. Alternatively, ‘we are getting on with life, the thinking stage is over ’! Fair point and well noted Life is all about balance – it is your life after all and there is only one – so sometimes it is okay and often even necessary to shut down, kick back and do nothing. You do not need to be rushing around, getting things done and measuring output all the time. Multi-tasking, meeting deadlines and delivering is fine but are you focusing on the ‘me time’ or waiting for a meltdown? Often people tell me they are exhausted, stressed out, fed up , depressed and finding it next to impossible to go on and that’s sad . I do feel that the pressures of modern day living with the often-unreasonable expectations of society are the cause of innumerable ills in the world. Words like peer pressure, mental health, conform , temper tantrums ,substance abuse , insomnia, irritability, mood changes, depression anxiety, eating disorders, panic attacks, triggers , inconsistencies, counselling , special education are all fairly new and a cause for concern. The number of psychologist or psychiatrists has gone up many time fold and they are in more demand than ever before. Have we ever wondered why ? Research suggests that about one fifth of the population suffers from some mental health issues at some time during the course of their life. This is an alarming statistic and either not many are doing much about it or we are hoping it will just go away as locusts do after feasting. Now please do not get me wrong – I am no expert, I do not have all or any of the answers for that matter. However I have a thought - It’s it ironical that while technology is continually invented to supposedly saves us time and make our lives easier , we somehow use that time to do more and more things, and so our lives are more fast-paced and hectic than ever.! Are we actually enjoying our time and our lives and focusing on what is important for us? I do know many who are and I make an attempt as well – and yes, I do feel I am succeeding in doing more things that I enjoy and give me satisfaction. Hence, I read, write, speak, play my guitar, watch fun stuff on television, relax, laugh and (try) and making people laugh as well. At times, I succeeded and at other times, I fail but then again who is counting! Are we spending time smelling the roses and watching the birds fly by - or are we busy listing the tasks to be completed? Making a conscious choice to SLOW DOWN is not always an easy one, but it leads to a greater appreciation for life and a greater level of happiness. Being truly present , believing in quality over quantity , disconnecting from the world while connecting with people ( if you get what I mean ), eating or driving slower , simplifying where possible , de-cluttering are all the need of the hour . Not easy, I know. I am in not advocating that we should not work hard or that we should just sit back and breathe! What I am saying is that in order to ensure that our emotional equilibrium is stable we must walk in the rain, stomp in the puddles and laugh aloud! To quote Jerome Segal in Grateful Simplicity:- “The time we give to things reflects our values. When everything is rushed, then everything has been devalued . . . To live gracefully is to live within flowing rhythms at a human pace . . . There is time to pay respect to the value of what you do, to the worth of those you care for, and to the possessions you own. Gracefulness is not possible when life is frantic, when we are harried, or suffer from overload, time crunch, and a vast multiplicity of commitments and pressures.” It is about time we make a concerted effort to ensure that our life becomes more spacious, more meaningful, and more joyful. We owe it to ourselves and at times, we MUST put ourselves first.

What do we spend most of our life doing?

Friday musings What do we spend most of our life doing? This is what I have thought about very often. So we are either working, earning, eating, exercising , talking to friends – family – colleagues, exercising , watching TV , driving , travelling , reading or whatever and life is going on . Above all, we are busy conforming and living up to the expectations of the world around us However, when was the last time you sat down or lay down and just thought? Nothing else. When was the last time you actually thought about your life and what you wanted to do with it – what direction you were moving in and where you were going? Seriously and without thinking of ‘pending work’ or ‘what do I do next’ I know what many are going to say – ‘life is far too short to waste time just thinking’. Alternatively, ‘we are getting on with life, the thinking stage is over ’! Fair point and well noted Life is all about balance – it is your life after all and there is only one – so sometimes it is okay and often even necessary to shut down, kick back and do nothing. You do not need to be rushing around, getting things done and measuring output all the time. Multi-tasking, meeting deadlines and delivering is fine but are you focusing on the ‘me time’ or waiting for a meltdown? Often people tell me they are exhausted, stressed out, fed up , depressed and finding it next to impossible to go on and that’s sad . I do feel that the pressures of modern day living with the often-unreasonable expectations of society are the cause of innumerable ills in the world. Words like peer pressure, mental health, conform , temper tantrums ,substance abuse , insomnia, irritability, mood changes, depression anxiety, eating disorders, panic attacks, triggers , inconsistencies, counselling , special education are all fairly new and a cause for concern. The number of psychologist or psychiatrists has gone up many time fold and they are in more demand than ever before. Have we ever wondered why ? Research suggests that about one fifth of the population suffers from some mental health issues at some time during the course of their life. This is an alarming statistic and either not many are doing much about it or we are hoping it will just go away as locusts do after feasting. Now please do not get me wrong – I am no expert, I do not have all or any of the answers for that matter. However I have a thought - It’s it ironical that while technology is continually invented to supposedly saves us time and make our lives easier , we somehow use that time to do more and more things, and so our lives are more fast-paced and hectic than ever.! Are we actually enjoying our time and our lives and focusing on what is important for us? I do know many who are and I make an attempt as well – and yes, I do feel I am succeeding in doing more things that I enjoy and give me satisfaction. Hence, I read, write, speak, play my guitar, watch fun stuff on television, relax, laugh and (try) and making people laugh as well. At times, I succeeded and at other times, I fail but then again who is counting! Are we spending time smelling the roses and watching the birds fly by - or are we busy listing the tasks to be completed? Making a conscious choice to SLOW DOWN is not always an easy one, but it leads to a greater appreciation for life and a greater level of happiness. Being truly present , believing in quality over quantity , disconnecting from the world while connecting with people ( if you get what I mean ), eating or driving slower , simplifying where possible , de-cluttering are all the need of the hour . Not easy, I know. I am in not advocating that we should not work hard or that we should just sit back and breathe! What I am saying is that in order to ensure that our emotional equilibrium is stable we must walk in the rain, stomp in the puddles and laugh aloud! To quote Jerome Segal in Grateful Simplicity:- “The time we give to things reflects our values. When everything is rushed, then everything has been devalued . . . To live gracefully is to live within flowing rhythms at a human pace . . . There is time to pay respect to the value of what you do, to the worth of those you care for, and to the possessions you own. Gracefulness is not possible when life is frantic, when we are harried, or suffer from overload, time crunch, and a vast multiplicity of commitments and pressures.” It is about time we make a concerted effort to ensure that our life becomes more spacious, more meaningful, and more joyful. We owe it to ourselves and at times, we MUST put ourselves first.

My tiffin

When packing some fruit to take to work the other day, I suddenly remembered the word “tiffin” Back in school I remember taking my tiffin along in a very nondescript tiffin box. However, some of the tiffin boxes of other pupils varied in size, shape and design and obviously cost as well. There were the ordinary plastic ones of different colours, the plain metal ones, those made of steel, ones that had pictures on them, the double decker ones, some with separators, many with side clasps and the like. While I carried just one, I remember some boys bringing two and three in addition to water bottles. So, one was used for the short tea break at around eleven am while the other two were for lunch at around one pm. Some pupils did not carry their lunch, but it was brought to school by a servant as they were known back in the day. They were the richer boys, so they had freshly made hot food! Some of those servants came by cycle, others by a motorised two-wheeler – a few came by car along with a driver. Some mothers who obviously had very little to do at home came along in the car with the lunch as well! Hence some of the lunches were rather elaborate affairs – a mat or two was laid out in a shady area, then there was a flask with cold water , a glass to drink from , cutlery ,two or three tiffin boxes with steaming hot food , fruit and whatever else caught the child’s fancy . I have also seen mothers fanning the child while he ate! Many of these kids were rather pampered (not all I must add ) and so rather than play with their friends during the break, they sat and talked to mummy , revised their work , showed mummy how much they had scored in the test and probably put on weight . Other charged off to play as soon as they had managed to gulp down their lunch leaving poor mum or servant to pack up and leave. As they say, “Some mother DO ‘Ave ‘Em. But let me not digress from my original thought. My mother ensured that she packed a tasty treat for me on almost all days, me being the fussy kid that I was! So, it was a mix and match combination of omelettes, cutlets, mince fry, kababs, parathas, purees, macaroni and cheese, noodles, mixed fried rice , etc on different days of the week (my mouth is watering as I key this in as my mum cooked well). The funny part is that I hardly ever ate the food I took. Two or three of us would have lunch together while seated on the large protruding roots of an old neem tree - I would end up eating their food and they mine and all three of us swore that the others’ food was tastier! I also remember that one of my friends was a vegetarian or rather that is what he claimed to be, but he tucked into my tiffin with gusto. The eating of the tiffin took about ten minutes, then we drunk water from the school tap and were off to play. Fast forward to when my daughters went to school about 20 years ago and things hadn’t changed very much – almost the same scenario was played out in all schools. I do recollect one funny incident where one of the girls came home and when her tiffin was opened it contained some food which she had not taken to school – that’s when we realized that even they never ate the food they took! Not too sure of how things stand today but what I do know is that many mothers still wake up very early in the morning to prepare the tiffin. Whether their wards eat it or not is what you need to find out!