THANK YOU

 A thought for the day …….

Thank you, is a phrase that many of us probably use daily.

However, of late, it seems to be going out of style, or to put this in the right context – is being used insufficiently.

Here is the thing- Are we using it enough, or should we be doing much better?

It is often the unsung heroes and the tireless blue-collar workers, who end up getting the least thanks although they deserve it the most.

There are others too who could do with being thanked more often! Parents, children, family, colleagues & friends. Not too sure what actually comes in the way?

 Is it embarrassment, a couldn’t care less attitude or just plain absentmindedness?  

 Is it due to the fast pace of life we are leading?

Do we just take too many things and people for granted?

 Are we too busy to show gratitude or do we feel it does not matter any longer?

Maybe we feel that we ‘pay a tip or a salary’, so that is sufficient!

Positive psychology emphasizes the fact, that any form of gratitude, is strongly linked to well-being and happiness. Being thankful, in the simplest of ways, is shown to improve our personal relationships and make us more resilient

Martin Seligman, a leader in the field of Positive Psychology, wrote, “when we take time to notice the things that go right – it means we’re getting a lot of little rewards throughout the day” 

While money is certainly ‘up there as a must-have’, recognition and appreciation for a job well done, go a long way in motivating people to do better. Words and phrases like ‘great job’, ‘well done, and ‘I sincerely appreciate’, are all worth remembering and using, in our day-to-day life.

Over the years, I have spoken to a number of friends and colleagues on this topic, and many have felt, that more often than not, they are taken for granted, as they rarely receive any form of gratitude for a job well done.

So here is the question- are we becoming more callous & less sensitive to the world and people around us?

Taxi drivers, food and other delivery workers, the people who work in your house and office as support staff, the petrol pump attendant, the security guards at the gate or in our buildings, are all people we see daily, but who we tend to treat more like ‘expendable commodities’.

When was the last time you asked any of these people their names?

By this I don’t mean you have to go around asking any and everyone their name, but what about your regulars? Are the ones you pass or interact with daily closer to home or at your place of work? Care to hazard a guess? The answer could surprise you.

Have you ever asked about their lives, their families, or their well-being?   

 

I never used to do it enough either, but have made a concerted effort over the last couple of years to do better.

However, this is no sermon from the mount, nor am I attempting to display a holier than thou attitude! All I am saying is that we must show gratitude more often.

 Genuine encouragement, reassurance, empathy, and compassion should never go out of style

A genuine heartfelt thank you, along with a smile, if it’s not too much to ask for, costs nothing, but it can make someone else’s day a little better!

Want to give it a try starting today? 

--

"Let the refining and improving of your own life keep you so busy that you have little time to criticize others"

The Art of Public speaking

 THE ART OF PUBLIC SPEAKING

Here are a few, very simple tips, for parents, colleagues, pupils, and would-be speakers – especially my former pupils, of which there are a few thousand. (This is for you and so also for your wards.)

Now, this is not rocket science, and neither is it a cut-paste job from Google.

You can definitely download and read innumerable scholarly articles on this topic, from world-renowned speakers, but I feel inclined to add a few nuggets of my own, garnered over umpteen years of personal experience. 

Please encourage your children to SPEAK. By that, I mean, as often as possible.

If ever you have used, or are inclined to repeat the sentence ‘Stop it – you talk too much’- then think again.

Children who speak well, grow up to be confident adults, who get a head start in life. It’s up to parents and teachers to play their part.

I often reminisce over my formative years when growing up in Allahabad. There were my two cousins and me & we lived in the same house. Whenever guests visited, we were expected to either sing or say a poem for them (remember there was no TV back then) – if it was a bad day, we were asked and expected to do both. Sometimes my cousins had to do a duet & dance as well!

I pitied them while making fun. I was a naughty boy, I guess!

In those pre-historic, juggernaut days, we probably rued our bad luck, but today I am immensely thankful to my mother and my aunt, as those rather tortuous evenings have been a blessing in disguise in more ways than I can ever imagine.

They boosted my confidence, got me into singing and playing instruments, but above all, encouraged me to thoroughly enjoy all forms of public speaking.

Elocution and debating were my strong points in school and college, and I have been fortunate to enter a profession where one has to talk a great deal. People do say that teachers talk too much, and its true!

Even after I stopped teaching, and that’s something I enjoyed immensely, I have had the wonderful opportunity to often be requested to speak to large audiences, comprising pupils, parents, teachers, and others and I have and am still enjoying this aspect of my job. In fact, I enjoy the stage.

This brings me to why I am keying in this article at 4. 45 am on a balmy Tuesday morning.

Have you heard the word ‘Glossophobia’?  I hadn’t, till I read an absorbing article some years ago. 

Glossophobia, or the fear of public speaking, is remarkably common. In fact, some experts estimate that as much as 77% of the population has some level of anxiety regarding public speaking. However, it’s something that everyone should attempt to tackle and overcome. 

Hence - please encourage your children to take up any form of public speaking at an early age. You and they will never regret it.  It’s never too early to begin.

 Reading aloud, Elocution competitions, Debates, Model United Nations, Ted talks, Talks at assembly. drama etc. are all opportunities that pupils must grab with both hands, and cling on to, for dear life.

Classes in many schools are large, and the competition is fierce, but encourage your wards to participate and practice hard - success will come.

Whenever I have had the opportunity to speak, people have come up to tell me how much they enjoyed my talk, and what they learned from it. One sentence which is often repeated is ‘you do it so effortlessly’

Let me tell you – THAT IS NOT TRUE.

I wish it was as effortless as it appears. That is not the case.

Irrespective of the talk or speech I am giving – I do prepare and I prepare well, and yes it does take time, energy, commitment, and effort.

One must remember not to take an audience for granted and talk gibberish. Hence in order to respect one’s audience, it is important to talk sense.

One’s talk must inspire, motivate, make sense, and be appreciated, and that can only be achieved by means of thorough preparation and sufficient practice. The more- the better

A few tips

Know your audience

Do thorough research on the topic, so you know what you are talking about

Search engines and reference books do help. 

Look out for apt quotes, sayings, appropriate lines, research papers, etc., and read as much as possible

Make rough notes to use

Once you have plenty of matter, key in a draft. If you have researched well enough, the draft will be double or triple the length actually required.

Then sit and start pruning.  This often happens over multiple sittings. I find that often new trends of thought pop into my brain every time I sit to work on my speech.

Delete ideas that seem repetitive or do not have sufficient impact or punch. 

You will need to replace items – i.e.- something may need to go earlier or later in your talk – adjust accordingly

Once you have your speech/talk ready, it then requires you to master it

Rote learning is never recommended, if not you will come across as flat and dull and the audience will be waiting for you to end.

 Read the script over and over again – as many times as possible until you have the sequence in your head.

Important that there is a sequential flow of ideas, as that makes it easier to remember.

Here is something I then do- I practice – mostly during walks, while driving, while sitting and relaxing, and when I wake in the morning. This may sound funny to you, but there is no other way to perfect a speech or a talk than by having it well memorized.

Say it out loud – it’s very different when you hear yourself speak.

You can record it if you like. 

Once you know that you are unlikely to forget, you are able to relax, and once you are able to relax, you can be sure the speech will go well.

Lastly- No one has a clue as to what you are going to say or what the exact sequence is, so don’t stress. And yes – I do forget stuff I had planned to say or mix the sequence up at times, but no one is a bit the wiser - It’s my speech and I own it.

Ensure that you start strong – you must get the audience’s attention within the first three sentences or the first minute, if not, you will face an uphill task from the very beginning.

The tone of your voice, your pronunciation, the intonation, and your body language should all exude confidence even if you are quivering within and your knees are shaking. Being slightly nervous is actually good, as it gets your blood pumping.  

Engaging the audience with a question, a thought-provoking remark, asking them to answer you with a show of hands, etc. are good tactics to attempt at the very start. They get the audience to participate and that too is good.

Make a concerted effort to relax after the first minute or so and go with the flow – if you are tense, you are likely to get confused.

 On some occasions, you may have notes on the podium and this helps but is a distraction according to me.

If you are not naturally humorous (and you should know this about yourself) don’t force the jokes as they will fall flat.

Keep it simple – this is key.

Avoid talking down to the audience – let the tone be warm and conversational.

If you have a personal story- tell it – everyone loves a story if it’s interesting.

Important to end strong too – the last sentence or two must be as memorable as possible – something that your audience is likely to remember.

Don’t overstay your welcome. Irrespective of how good you are – adhere to the time allocated.

One last thing – I listen to a lot of TED Talks – I find many of them inspirational.

Hope that you find some of this useful!

What if

 Maybe the human race isn't a race at all 

Or if it is ,then it's certainly not a sprint .

More like a full marathon

And then some more.

Maybe it's just a long rambling walk

Under the boughs of flowering trees

Of different hues. 

Passing by colour washed bungalows 

And roadside eateries.

Maybe the human race 

Was never meant to be the  competition 

That it often is 

Riddled with one upmanship and 

Secret stalking 

Masked friends and jive talking 

What if the human race 

Was never meant to be.....

What if?

How much do you owe?

 How much do you owe? 

The boarders in Bishops were forever short of cash.

Although their parents ' banked' money with the Dormitory incharge , they were only permitted 5 - 10 rupees a week unless they could justify a larger sum to buy a book etc. 

Now they were always hungry as well, as most kids are . 

There was only one solution ' eat now and promise to pay later'- something like a PDC . 

There were three outlets for this.

The Ice cream man.

The School tuck shop of Mr Donoghue.

Manji ,the vada  pav seller .

All three were in high demand.

There were some boys who smuggled in money as well, and I knew who they were .  They paid school support staff to go and buy eatables for them at night. 

Others had relatives and friends who they managed to coax to send them food. Some brought in food when returning after the weekend .

Others used the age old ' eat now and pay later method'.

The bills were usually cleared by MOST  of the boarders either on the last day of term when their parents came to pick them up, or on the first day of term ,when being  dropped back to the boarding.

This worked well for all stakeholders for years I guess . 

Bishops is well over 150 years old. 

Some parents lamented on how big the bills were ! Even 100 rupees was quite a large sum back in the 80's and 90's.

The reason for large bills was kindness and generosity.

Most of the boarders were kind , generous guys with a large friends circle . Hence if you went to eat an ice cream, you often had to buy one or two for friends. 

Some boys hung around these areas and begged friends to buy them an item or two or just ' mucked into one samosa or whatever. Some were satisfied with one lick of an ice cream too! 

Some senior boys were offered eatables by juniors as well- as a sort of bribe. 

Let me tell you that some of the biggest customers were the day scholars, who always had money in their pockets . However they too had a running bill with these vendors / stalls.

Whether you were rich or poor ,there was always a day when your money was over and you wanted to eat- so typical !.

So tell me - how many of you boys had a ' bill' with the Tuck shop , the Ice cream man  and Manji and more importantly how many either ran off without paying, or just forgot to clear that last bill?

Let me add- a few parents believed that their sons also took cash loans from all three sellers and put it down in the bill !

So speak up .

PS- Some boys had bills with the bhutta and guava sellers at the gate too .( Thanks Hasanali Sura  for this info)

( Share this story with your wife and kids )

Where did you pray

 Bishop's boarders were a class apart.

In order to galavant on Sunday , be out with friends, have a meal or just see the girls - Hindu, Muslim, Christian and Sikh boys visited temples, mosques and churches and gurudwaras. 

No,not only their own places of worship, but each others too! 

It didn't matter in the least. They went where their heart took them that day and all returned smiling and with satisfied stomachs. 

They went out on Permit, supposedly to the house of their local guardian, but were often found elsewhere .

Often the Master on duty had to explain to guardians that the missing boy had probably left school with a fake guardian , such was their ingenuity. 

Faking signatures and producing letters from parents and guardians who never wrote them was their forte.

One poor uncle popped into school after 6 months to see his nephew. He told me that the whole family had been out of India for 6 months.  However, records proved that the nephew had visited him every week!.

Where they went, who they went with, who picked them up from schhol , who wrote those  letters remained a mystery .

Those were simple and  safe days.

No one was kidnapped and no one went missing . No parents complained of neglect. 

I know some of you will read this and relate these incidents to your wives and kids. 

Please also tell them that you were naughty boys. That most of you never studied enough and were often in trouble. 

But tell them this too - that the staff loved you and the boarding taught you plenty .

On wearing shorts

 I presume, that as one gets older, one does not mind discussing, writing, or speaking about topics, that earlier seemed embarrassing.

Keeping the above in mind, I am emboldened to tell you about something that occurred a few days ago.

However, let me set the scene …….

As a young boy, I was extremely skinny and tipped the scales in the 45-kilogram range for many years. Seeing me now, you may think this is a joke, but I am keying in this story with one hand on my heart – it’s the truth and nothing but the truth!

According to my mother, my hollow cheeked, lean , scrawny look was because I was a fussy eater & refused point blank to eat tomatoes, spinach, carrots, and ladyfingers. She also coaxed me to have Feradol, Complan and Egg flip – all in the hope that she would fatten me up.! Much to her dismay, it didn’t happen. 

My mum often referred to my legs as ‘spindles’ and that was not far from the truth. I detested the term but couldn’t do much about it either, because it was a realistic description. I presumed I would be skinny for life, or so it seemed back then.

 Now as a young teen, I somehow avoided wearing shorts to go out. I always preferred track pants or jeans  – for comfort and style obviously. Earlier it was because of the ‘spindles’ and then as I grew older, the habit grew.  

As the years went by, my spindles increased in size- keeping pace with my tummy, I guess. Wearing shorts, however, was something I never got used to. 

About five years ago, and prior to one holiday to Europe, I checked the temperature of the city we were scheduled to visit, and seeing that it would be warm, I bought two pairs of shorts on a whim and decided to wear them abroad. I took them along, but only wore one pair, once. They were then consigned to the back of some shelf in the cupboard. 

Covid saw them being worn frequently at home and I began liking them. We recently shifted house and home and the two pairs of shorts continued to come in handy while gardening and even for quick trips by car to the supermarket. In fact, I bought a few more pairs.  One evening I decided to wear a pair & go for a walk. 

Now, I usually do two or three rounds of a large lake near our place, and there are several other fitness enthusiasts walking as well. It was early evening by the time I got out of the house.

I had barely done half a round when I saw ‘her’ and a friend approaching from the opposite side. She was lean, had long legs, and long brown hair. Her lady friend was short and dumpy.  We passed each other quickly, and while her friend was busy on her phone, I could have sworn that she gave me a sideways glance. I had made sure that I had given them sufficient room by stepping aside, as the path was narrow. 

I didn’t think much of it. It was an amazingly cool evening, I was listening to some ‘Slow Whiskey Blues’, feeling fit and pretty good about myself, as it had been a productive day.

 Now one round of the lake takes about twenty minutes and lo and behold I soon saw them approaching again.

As we passed each other, a few things happened in quick succession. She looked at my legs, growled, lurched forward, and made a dash as if to bite me. Taken completely by surprise I jumped backwards, almost banged into the railing, regained my composure almost instantly, and stood staring. The attack – if it was that- was unprovoked! 

The young lady who had her on the leash was highly embarrassed and told me that her dear pet had never ever done anything like this before. She apologized profusely and said that probably her dog wanted to play with me! By then ‘Donna’, her Labrador retriever was wagging her tail playfully, trying to jump on me, looked like she was smiling, and I began feeling rather foolish. 

Two or three others who passed by, seemed highly amused by the entire incident, which had played out before their eyes. 

Had I overreacted? Was Donna just a young playful dog  who wanted to have some fun ? 

Was it my legs? The shorts? My nervous look when she passed by? 

I will never know. 

Nevertheless, I have vowed not to wear shorts while going for a walk. I can almost feel teeth on bare skin, and it makes me cringe.  There are several dogs being walked – albeit on leashes, but one never knows when another ‘Donna, Bella, Coco or Charlie takes a fancy to my legs and decides to act crazy. Playful my foot. 

Track pants will be safer.

Just look around

 Look around and what do you see

Famine, war, and  misery

Crooked politicians - ruthless czars

Missiles, tanks, and armored cars.

Mile-long lines of refugees 

The old, infirm and amputees 

All with just one goal in mind 

To see their lives are redefined.

They cry for mercy 

They weep in pain 

They seek salvation 

But all in vain

 

The barbaric enemy marches on

Trumpets blowing - battle lines drawn

Trampling all beneath their feet 

Till their victory is complete 

Who knows when this war will end? 

What will be left to defend?

Who will win and who will lose? 

Who are we to pick and choose? 

We all know 

That there is pain

That our selfish world

 Is going insane