Paragliding at dawn

 I went paragliding at dawn this morning 

And it was a breeze.

The wind in my hair felt exhilarating. 

Clothes flapping- teeth chattering.

Yes, it was freezing up there.

The Italian instructor -  as bossy as ever,

Instructing me to look up 

And enjoy the ride. 

Strange accents these Italians have

And what an attitude !

Could hardly understand him.

He kept asking me to smile for the camera

I couldn't- I was nervous.

I told him so, and I heard him grunt.

Who cares - I was paying! 

Have never been the adventurous kind

In the first place 

So not sure why I did this.

I do silly stuff at times

And then regret it.

It's not about spending the money

But putting myself in unnecessary danger

at my age is a tad foolish - isn't it?

With my back and knees and neck

And left shoulder, and whatever else

That often pains and begs for

dollops of balm ! 

Saw other paragliders floating by and waving.

Two of them holding flags

And one with her pet poodle.

Shouting , screaming , gesturing 

And obviously having the time of their lives.

Crazy things these millennials do

Without a care in the world.

Paragliding with a poodle ?

What next - your pet parrot ?

Give me a break .

The hills below mesmerised me

The sands seemed to change in colour

As the sun rose in the Eastern sky

And a dozen  camels- all in a line 

Like well behaved schoolboys 

Following a young lad

Probably a farmhand- or the son

Of their owner.

The scene was awesome 

And I actually began relaxing

And taking in the sights for posterity.

This would positively be a day to remember 

And something I'd  talk about for a long time.

I felt a sense of pride and accomplishment 

Creeping in.

What next ? 

Deep see diving ?

A parachute jump?

I could see the fast approaching ground 

Which was rising up to meet me

Would I land with a thud?  

I had been dreaming about doing   this for ages.

And then I woke and realized

I had in fact been dreaming.

Old men do have vivid dreams.

Good advice

 I have often been asked for advice on a wide range of topics .

Music, Education, Writing , Speaking , Books, Holidays , Relationships and the like . People assume that ' oldish  men' like me are wise  & experienced enough to advise .

I probably am good at giving advice, as people are very appreciative and some return for more. Not sure about the 'wisdom' part though but I won't sell myself short . 

No, I don't ever think I am extra smart, or anything to that effect so don't get me wrong.

As a young boy, I simply detested  people giving me  unsolicited advice or even worse, asking me questions  - my mother, my aunts and uncles , my grandmother , miscellaneous relatives and friends who dropped in unannounced  were all in that group - and all of a sudden, without so much as a by your leave, the topic was always    ' ME' 

The questions & advice generally centered around me  and my studies.

You must study harder ( seriously ?) 

How many hours a day do you study? . ( I counted it in minutes) 

Have you got your report card?

What happened in school today ? ( 'Nothing'-  was usually the answer) 

If you don't study  you will fail ( I once did)

What do you want to become when you get big- this was an all time favourite and I had no clue !

You should read some good books ( I did)

Don't keep the book too close to your face, or you will end up wearing spectacles or even blind .

Have you had a bath ? 

Eat all your food/ take more  - remember there are children who are starving all over the world . I was confused as to how eating more food would help the starving children. However I never asked that question and it still perplexes me 

 

Then there was the more personal stuff when I was older ,which annoyed me even more .

Have you got a job?

Are you helping your mother ? 

How much do you earn ? ( I started out on Rs 450) 

Are you saving money ? ( There was none to save ) 

Are you wasting your money ?  ( No - not again ) 

When do you plan to buy a place of your own? ( Joke) 

And then as I was ' of the age' or some such phrase,  the questions and advice continued.

Do you have a girlfriend?

You should be looking for a nice girl. 

Who is your girlfriend ?

Do you like so and so ?

Why are you being sly ? 

Look he's blushing . 

Are you 'going steady' with anyone? 

When are you planning to settle down ? 

The questions and advice was never ending . 

So to all those who gave me advice, I say--  "thank you" - jokes aside- a lot of it came in handy, and let me explain in as succinct a way as possible.  

I did study fairly hard towards the end of my time in school , and yes I got a job ! I still have a job ! 

Am very regular with my baths!

I loved my mother! 

I have a house!

I am saving money !  

I probably didn't listen to you about holding books close to my face as I wear spectacles.

I  had a few girlfriends ( OMG some will read this ) 

I married one !   ( She is not on FB ! )  

Now I am not going to give any unsolicited advice, but something  happened this morning which I must share - I know you may say 'here he goes' but stay with me here. 

I was in a hurry.

  I had got up at 4. 45 am as usual , but I was fiddling with my phone, I made my tea and had it ,read the news papers ,checked and attended to mail, did  some  writing, talked  to and annoyed the cat and I guess I never kept my eye on the clock . I also went into the garden, and like Mr Bean, I swung my arms a few times , stretched once or twice, breathed in and out a few times too and was happy with my exercise for the day. 

Before I could say Jack Robinson, it was 7.00 am 

Thirty minutes later  I was ready, and all that was left was to spray on the after shave and go down for breakfast.

I chose the bottle of aftershave closest to me , looked into the mirror - was pleased at what I saw, and sprayed for all I was worth.

Haste makes waste. 

I was getting late, was eager for a good breakfast , was thinking about filling fuel in my  car and contemplating a few meetings during the day. Busy , busy , busy !

All this had contributed to me not checking which way the nozzle was pointed . In a fraction of a second I was screaming in pain, as the cologne saturated my eyes.

It then took me all of ten minutes to rinse my eyes, walk towards my towel like a zombie, and sit on the bed, while my eyes watered, for all they are worth. Trust me, they stung like hell.  I still feel the discomfort five hours later . 

As I told you - am not giving advice but at times people like me lack common sense ! I should have been more careful . 

However - I'm only human . 

By the way- has anyone ever had this happen to them ?

Have you ever...

 Have you heard of the jaggery experiment ? 

Have you checked it out on Google ?

Have your friends been discussing it?

If you are a teacher,  have you debated it with your pupils?

Have you used it to explain History,Geography or Math?

Did you use and AI tool like ChatGPT to find out more?

Or maybe LT rings a bell?

Do you know what Barrack Obama said about using it?

Whenever you think of the jaggery experiment what do you start reminiscing about?

Well if you haven't done any of the above you are like 74386229430 people on this planet who haven't either.

You see, the jaggery experiment was done over 1500 years ago in a remote village in Western India by a lady named Asunti. 

She did it once and never repeated it for fear of causing untold misery for her family and friends.

It all began when someone gave her family a large lump of unadulterated jaggery.

Omg I don't know where this is going so I will end here.

I have no clue ...........sorry.

When God's angels come calling

 When God’s angels come calling 

When God's angels come calling

Maybe - the devil at their heels

Will you welcome them with open arms?

Or will you shout and scream?

Will you be rejoicing, in the future you behold?

Or gnash your teeth in utter despair 

Because your soul

You have willingly sold?

Will you be packed and ready? 

Loving acceptance in your mind

Or caught completely unaware 

Because of belongings, you cannot find?

Candles will be burning

Incense filling the air

The mourners all assembled 

No more time to spare

The angels will sing with glory 

Their swords aflame with light 

While the devil, in his fury

Trying to unleash his Hadean might

But fear not all my people 

 For in the ultimate end

The righteous will prevail 

While the devil,

 in defeat, will kneel

 To the might of heaven's hail

So, let us take heart and stand

 Against the forces of the night

 For when God’s angels come calling 

We know we're on the side of the right.

The answers don't matter

 How many times have you been round the sun? 

Did you walk or did you run?

Maybe you strolled nonchalantly 

Looking, but seeing little!

How many times did you stop to smell the roses? 

To admire a rainbow

Or hear a little bird sing it's heart out

For a nonexistent audience?

Did you pluck a flower or admire 

An unrealistic cloud formation

That resembled an old man

Or a running horse?

Did you ever look at a vehicle passing by

On a lonely road

And wonder where they were going ?

Have you ever found yourself sitting

In a train

Speeding through the countryside 

Late at night

And then you spot a lone house

With a dimly- lit portico

And nothing else for miles around!

Is that not a brave family ? 

How many times have you paid a genuine compliment

And made someone's day?.

What about a warm greeting

A reassuring phone call 

 A brief email 

Or better still - a hand written note ?

Ever given them a try?

Each year seems shorter

Doesn't it?

Who do so many vague questions

Come to mind 

When the answers 

Don't even matter.

Banking and me

 Although I visit India, about thrice a year, I only visit my bank during my summer vacation as that's when I am in Pune for the longest stretch- approximately 3 weeks.

One of the first things I do after settling in over the weekend is ' visit SBI on East Street'.

If lucky, I see a face or two amongst the staff, who I have dealt with before and that's quite reassuring. (The others have probably been transfered.)

Them not remembering me is another story.

After waiting in line for about 30 min or so , it's finally my turn.

I have prepared for this visit well before leaving Dxb. 

Cheque books, Account numbers, Credit and Debit Cards ,miscelleanous receipts, Aadhar cards, Pan cards and whatever else I imagine the bank may ask for.

Thus, well armed, I approach the clerk smiling. 

She or he smiles back and right away I get into the job of reminding him or her how we met the year before. While engrossed in that , the clerk attends to calls, enquires from people behind me, clicks a few keys on the computer keyboard, drinks water, sips tea and rifles threw masses of papers on the desk.

That the clerk was not paying attention to me is obvious. So my 10 minute introduction has been wasted.

I make a second attempt. 

The manager suddenly summons the clerk so I am left sitting at the desk.  

I check my papers nervously and feel relieved that I have everything I need.

Meanwhile my wife asks me if I switched off the gas before leaving the house. 

I thank her for her query with a cold stare.

Meanwhile the clerk returns and asks me if I have filled the KYC.

I reply in the negative .

So I am handed a form which I attempt to fill in. 

Proof of Dxb and local address ? I manage to get this from my phone and look up triumphantly ! 

Photographs of my wife and myself- that was a breeze . Various copies - yes I have them.

Now I come to the cards . They have not been used for a year and never work.

Getting a new password is difficult as it has to be mailed to you. 

However I usually coax the clerk who makes an exception and so that's done.

As the card does not work right now,I need to withdraw some money.

Signing on the cheque book is something I dread. My signature never matches. The clerks are always suspicious. 

They ask me questions to check.

Where have I been for a year? Why haven't I used this account?. Why don't I remember my signature? 

At times they show me my old signature and ask me to copy it. 

I fail miserably.

I once suggested they take my thumb impression as that would be easy. They said no. But I can swear I have seen people affixing their thumb impression on bank cheques before. 

My wife has suddenly remembered that she used the iron at home .... did I use it too ? 

We argue as to whose fault it is. OMG her timing is always spot on. 

Meanwhile the clerk has checked, and as expected, my signature does not match.

She then needs a sign off from the manager. My frustration makes my ears go crimson.

I peep in and smile my most charming smile at the manager. She thinks I am acting smart and requests me to wait till she checks. She keys in some numbers and looks up. I don't know whether to smile or not. It's almost like passport control

 

I volunteer to show her documentation to prove I am the real deal. She finally believes me and I proceed to get the cash. 

The original plan was to lunch out .However that plan is shelved as we need to get home to see if the gas is still burning and the iron still on. 

Holidays are fun aren't they?

 A pensive mood

A vintage Port

The lamps aglow 

Sam 'lightnin' Hopkins for company.

Asking for more?

No. 

Desiring a change ? 

No.

Could be better

Yes!

But certainly not bad !

The lazy boy 

Cushions tucked in 

Legs stretched out 

Comfortable 

A cat purring at my feet

Begging for love?

Probably not.

She is a mean kitty

And as elusive as they come!

And then

Suddenly - a phone call 

Out of the blue 

And 

It all changes. 

The mood, the music, the wine too.

And what an unexpected change 

In seconds 

I am glad.

Euphoria? 

No .

Happy ? 

Oh yes 

Life . Yes that's life. 

Patience is a virtue 

And it pays .

Dinner beckons.