birthday parties - Birthday Parties & B I R T H D A Y P A R T I E S

How times change . For instance,  look at birthday parties and gauge for yourself  .
Was thinking back to my birthdays.
The parties were held at home & planned by parents  & relatives .
They were small simple affairs . 15 friends was usually what I had . They were always accompanied by both parents. ( Did the fathers not go to work ? Were they not exhausted by the time they returned ? )
Well the party started at 4 pm and was always held on a Saturday irrespective of when the actual big day was .
Friends all came well dressed . They were punctual . They carried gifts wrapped in fancy paper - kite paper at times !
Not to forget the one box camera to record memories and all those artificial poses and the SAY CHEESE  !
Listen to some of the gifts I received .
A compendium of games was very common . For the uninitiated it was a box with 3  boards in it - Chinese checkers, Ludo& Snakes and Ladders, Chess &  Draughts . The coins/ men/ tokens& dice  were in a little plastic bag .
Then there was Shirt pieces, socks, vests ( Yes ) Cricket bats, Tennis balls, Rubber balls, Marbles, 2 Badminton rackets, TT Bats with one ball , a football , a hockey stick .
At times there was an envelope with money - no not a 1000 rupees - probably 10 or 20 .
The best gift I ever got was a carom board and I had it for years and finally became quite a champion in Allahabad .
My grandfather once took me out and bought me an air gun - when I came home all excited my mother saw it and nearly had a fit . The gun was taken away and I was promised to get it back when I was older ( I was 8 ) . I never saw it again.
I hated the cloth gifts . Who wants to get 3 white vests for a birthday? I once remember opening the gifts as the party got over. Yes the first gift I opened was 3 white vests . I threw them on the bed in a temper and referred to the giver as a fool . I then picked them up in a temper- threw them on the ground and stamped them - then I was smacked and smacked and made to say sorry !
I probably wore one of them the next day to school .
Then there were the games . Musical chairs and musical arms , Hiding things for us to find, I spy , 7 tiles and kings.
Have you heard of a KHOI bag?
Most of you have probably not so I will need to explain.
A bag stuffed with puffed rice and confetti - then there were whistles , bugles, 25 and 50 pice coins, small toys etc . It was tied to the fan or to a nail in the ceiling.
Everyone gathered under the bag and there was great excitement and a lot of screaming . Then a tall gent was asked to pull a chord . The contents then spilled down and there was a mad scramble with everyone grabbing and pushing to gather up as much of the goodies as possible.
I remember being told year after year- "don't you grab anything - leave the gifts for your friends "
So like a fool I scrambled about  on my fours with  the others - like a blind boy-  purposely avoiding picking up the gifts . I was often in tears as I saw friends  scoop up the toys and the coins . At times I felt like banging my head on the wall- this was so not fair . It was my party .
Then there was the cutting of the cake - more often than not baked and iced at home.
There were also patties , chips and sandwiches. Squash seemed to be the drink of the masses so there was plenty of squash - cold and tasty - no ice for me though  - I had tonsillitis and adenoids - a dangerous and disgusting combination if ever there was one .
The party got over at 8 . Period . Good night .
Don't get me wrong - at the end of the day I enjoyed the evening . Except for the clothes , the other gifts were fun . The 20 or 30 rupees were kept away to buy marbles and sweets . The bat, the board games , the rackets were all used till as long as they lasted which was usually a few months .
No gifts were recycled . Period.
Then the years went by and soon I was a father ( no I did not marry at 14 )


Then came the birthdays of my two pretty girls . They were different it many ways .
They joined in the planning and had a big say .
Printed invites were distributed - approximately 30 .
Most of the eats were bought . Rasna , squash and cold drinks were offered .
The cake was ordered - usually some fancy shape and fancy candles .
The party started at 6 pm. There were photographs galore .
There was dinner and drinks as well for the adults.
The gifts were Barbie dolls  , sets of other dolls , dolls houses , some pretty dresses, larger cash gifts ( which they hated ) , books , etc etc .
There was no khoi bag !
The games were played on the terrace and the gifts to be given were chosen by the girls themselves .
They also chose the games to play and were quite happy organizing and not playing .
There was music and a microphone and the room / terrace was decorated .
Plenty of dancing and some kids sang as well .
Adults sat indoors and had a party of their own . At times they joined the kids on the terrace to see all was well or to help organize a game . They also were asked to step in as photographer and DJ.
Cassettes were in vogue and these were selected in advance .
Oh yes there were return gifts as well and these cost quite a packet.
Some of the adults stayed on for dinner- the close friends- the others left by about 9. 30 . Tired kids often dozed off and were carried home or forced to get up .
After the party the gifts were opened with plenty of oohs and aahs !
An exhausting day came to an end -
The photographs would be given for printing the next day .


Parties today - wow . They are parties indeed.
A month or so before D day , the planning begins .


Where will the party be held - a hotel or a venue needs to be booked . So also a DJ.
The party cant start before 8 and no-  Parents and other strange adults are not welcome .
A stretch limo  to transport the birthday kid and a few homies to the venue would make a style statement  . Not a bad idea .
Clothes- yes clothes need to be bought by the birthday boy / girl.
Very often they go on their own with friends as parents would buy something hideous -( read old fangled).
There are waiters with starters in  trays .
Fast food  is washed down with Pepsi / coke . Anything else is a no no .
Birthday cake - NO NO NO - I AM NOT A KID .
No one wants dinner either . That's for the nerds .
Then there is the lighting . It's dim, it flashes , there are strobes , scanners, mirrors, twisters and beams - all in varying colours
A camera is now passé- what are mobile phones for? . The photographs are up all over in real time and being viewed all over the world . Some kids carry two phones  . They must.
 Who knows who may call them and for what . It could be important - they must not miss a call - so two phones are a must . Are they really ?
At times they are messaging while talking to friends - they don't even look down .
Its a smooth draw that would put Clint Eastwood to shame- Pull the phone out - Message - take a call , make a call, click a snap , upload a snap - they make it look so easy indeed.
Phones must be close at hand at all times - while eating , while drinking , while dancing , while in the loo . They are also looked at every 15 seconds .
Comments pour in  as soon as a snap is uploaded  - some would make a sailor blush - these are 13 year olds mind you ( no this is not my daughter I am referring to ) .
What about the selfies and the selfie sticks - O M G .................
Then there are the  chat conversations while the party is in full swing - ASAP, ASL, BTY, TNX, ROFL,TTYL,LMAO,WTH,ZZZZZZZZ . ( I goggled these lest you think I use them )
There is no time for full sentences or full words - there are so many better and more important things to attend to . Like making a call or putting up a cute status.
The clothes take the cake . Why do trousers have to be falling off - what's with the Calvin Kline showing through . Are shades necessary at 6 pm ? Brightly coloured shoes ? Strange hair styles - streaked more often than not .
 Did the material fall short for the dress ? Is that a blouse or a top without a bottom or is that actually a dress . Now that's daring .  Heels - more like stilts .
Fendi, Armani, Ralph  Lauren ,Dune,Fat Moose, Fred Perry, Jack and Jones, Kurt Geiger - they wear them all and more . Money talks . After all clothes maketh a man ( and a woman )
The music - if you can call it music - Ok let it be - you know what I mean . It 's loud, its tuneless , it contains vulgar lyrics , it has strange beats , you cant dance to it - you can sway , you can jerk your head , you can act mad , you can do  summersaults- you can spin on your head and on your backside but NO you CAN'T  Dance To It.
Maybe dance is an old fashioned word as well and something I don't understand . Maybe this is what they call dancing these days- I don't know .
If your wondering about the games - there are no games- games are for kids they say - they are 13 mind you ! Who plays games these days . So what do they do - they talk - they laugh - oh yes there is the phone ................
Gifts are fine and when given are usually electronics or games played on the play station . Don't dare try and give a doll, socks, or a cricket bat . Arriving with something like that would be as welcome as an Alien invasion . Money is fine though - it's actually welcomed - the larger the amount the better .
I could go on but I can't.
There is a stretch limo which I can see from my window . About 10 unruly kids are scrambling in - I guess its a birthday party .
The parents are saying bye and telling them to have a good time
You can be sure they will .

birthday parties - Birthday Parties & B I R T H D A Y P A R T I E S

How times change . For instance,  look at birthday parties and gauge for yourself  .
Was thinking back to my birthdays.
The parties were held at home & planned by parents  & relatives .
They were small simple affairs . 15 friends was usually what I had . They were always accompanied by both parents. ( Did the fathers not go to work ? Were they not exhausted by the time they returned ? )
Well the party started at 4 pm and was always held on a Saturday irrespective of when the actual big day was .
Friends all came well dressed . They were punctual . They carried gifts wrapped in fancy paper - kite paper at times !
Not to forget the one box camera to record memories and all those artificial poses and the SAY CHEESE  !
Listen to some of the gifts I received .
A compendium of games was very common . For the uninitiated it was a box with 3  boards in it - Chinese checkers, Ludo& Snakes and Ladders, Chess &  Draughts . The coins/ men/ tokens& dice  were in a little plastic bag .
Then there was Shirt pieces, socks, vests ( Yes ) Cricket bats, Tennis balls, Rubber balls, Marbles, 2 Badminton rackets, TT Bats with one ball , a football , a hockey stick .
At times there was an envelope with money - no not a 1000 rupees - probably 10 or 20 .
The best gift I ever got was a carom board and I had it for years and finally became quite a champion in Allahabad .
My grandfather once took me out and bought me an air gun - when I came home all excited my mother saw it and nearly had a fit . The gun was taken away and I was promised to get it back when I was older ( I was 8 ) . I never saw it again.
I hated the cloth gifts . Who wants to get 3 white vests for a birthday? I once remember opening the gifts as the party got over. Yes the first gift I opened was 3 white vests . I threw them on the bed in a temper and referred to the giver as a fool . I then picked them up in a temper- threw them on the ground and stamped them - then I was smacked and smacked and made to say sorry !
I probably wore one of them the next day to school .
Then there were the games . Musical chairs and musical arms , Hiding things for us to find, I spy , 7 tiles and kings.
Have you heard of a KHOI bag?
Most of you have probably not so I will need to explain.
A bag stuffed with puffed rice and confetti - then there were whistles , bugles, 25 and 50 pice coins, small toys etc . It was tied to the fan or to a nail in the ceiling.
Everyone gathered under the bag and there was great excitement and a lot of screaming . Then a tall gent was asked to pull a chord . The contents then spilled down and there was a mad scramble with everyone grabbing and pushing to gather up as much of the goodies as possible.
I remember being told year after year- "don't you grab anything - leave the gifts for your friends "
So like a fool I scrambled about  on my fours with  the others - like a blind boy-  purposely avoiding picking up the gifts . I was often in tears as I saw friends  scoop up the toys and the coins . At times I felt like banging my head on the wall- this was so not fair . It was my party .
Then there was the cutting of the cake - more often than not baked and iced at home.
There were also patties , chips and sandwiches. Squash seemed to be the drink of the masses so there was plenty of squash - cold and tasty - no ice for me though  - I had tonsillitis and adenoids - a dangerous and disgusting combination if ever there was one .
The party got over at 8 . Period . Good night .
Don't get me wrong - at the end of the day I enjoyed the evening . Except for the clothes , the other gifts were fun . The 20 or 30 rupees were kept away to buy marbles and sweets . The bat, the board games , the rackets were all used till as long as they lasted which was usually a few months .
No gifts were recycled . Period.
Then the years went by and soon I was a father ( no I did not marry at 14 )


Then came the birthdays of my two pretty girls . They were different it many ways .
They joined in the planning and had a big say .
Printed invites were distributed - approximately 30 .
Most of the eats were bought . Rasna , squash and cold drinks were offered .
The cake was ordered - usually some fancy shape and fancy candles .
The party started at 6 pm. There were photographs galore .
There was dinner and drinks as well for the adults.
The gifts were Barbie dolls  , sets of other dolls , dolls houses , some pretty dresses, larger cash gifts ( which they hated ) , books , etc etc .
There was no khoi bag !
The games were played on the terrace and the gifts to be given were chosen by the girls themselves .
They also chose the games to play and were quite happy organizing and not playing .
There was music and a microphone and the room / terrace was decorated .
Plenty of dancing and some kids sang as well .
Adults sat indoors and had a party of their own . At times they joined the kids on the terrace to see all was well or to help organize a game . They also were asked to step in as photographer and DJ.
Cassettes were in vogue and these were selected in advance .
Oh yes there were return gifts as well and these cost quite a packet.
Some of the adults stayed on for dinner- the close friends- the others left by about 9. 30 . Tired kids often dozed off and were carried home or forced to get up .
After the party the gifts were opened with plenty of oohs and aahs !
An exhausting day came to an end -
The photographs would be given for printing the next day .


Parties today - wow . They are parties indeed.
A month or so before D day , the planning begins .


Where will the party be held - a hotel or a venue needs to be booked . So also a DJ.
The party cant start before 8 and no-  Parents and other strange adults are not welcome .
A stretch limo  to transport the birthday kid and a few homies to the venue would make a style statement  . Not a bad idea .
Clothes- yes clothes need to be bought by the birthday boy / girl.
Very often they go on their own with friends as parents would buy something hideous -( read old fangled).
There are waiters with starters in  trays .
Fast food  is washed down with Pepsi / coke . Anything else is a no no .
Birthday cake - NO NO NO - I AM NOT A KID .
No one wants dinner either . That's for the nerds .
Then there is the lighting . It's dim, it flashes , there are strobes , scanners, mirrors, twisters and beams - all in varying colours
A camera is now passé- what are mobile phones for? . The photographs are up all over in real time and being viewed all over the world . Some kids carry two phones  . They must.
 Who knows who may call them and for what . It could be important - they must not miss a call - so two phones are a must . Are they really ?
At times they are messaging while talking to friends - they don't even look down .
Its a smooth draw that would put Clint Eastwood to shame- Pull the phone out - Message - take a call , make a call, click a snap , upload a snap - they make it look so easy indeed.
Phones must be close at hand at all times - while eating , while drinking , while dancing , while in the loo . They are also looked at every 15 seconds .
Comments pour in  as soon as a snap is uploaded  - some would make a sailor blush - these are 13 year olds mind you ( no this is not my daughter I am referring to ) .
What about the selfies and the selfie sticks - O M G .................
Then there are the  chat conversations while the party is in full swing - ASAP, ASL, BTY, TNX, ROFL,TTYL,LMAO,WTH,ZZZZZZZZ . ( I goggled these lest you think I use them )
There is no time for full sentences or full words - there are so many better and more important things to attend to . Like making a call or putting up a cute status.
The clothes take the cake . Why do trousers have to be falling off - what's with the Calvin Kline showing through . Are shades necessary at 6 pm ? Brightly coloured shoes ? Strange hair styles - streaked more often than not .
 Did the material fall short for the dress ? Is that a blouse or a top without a bottom or is that actually a dress . Now that's daring .  Heels - more like stilts .
Fendi, Armani, Ralph  Lauren ,Dune,Fat Moose, Fred Perry, Jack and Jones, Kurt Geiger - they wear them all and more . Money talks . After all clothes maketh a man ( and a woman )
The music - if you can call it music - Ok let it be - you know what I mean . It 's loud, its tuneless , it contains vulgar lyrics , it has strange beats , you cant dance to it - you can sway , you can jerk your head , you can act mad , you can do  summersaults- you can spin on your head and on your backside but NO you CAN'T  Dance To It.
Maybe dance is an old fashioned word as well and something I don't understand . Maybe this is what they call dancing these days- I don't know .
If your wondering about the games - there are no games- games are for kids they say - they are 13 mind you ! Who plays games these days . So what do they do - they talk - they laugh - oh yes there is the phone ................
Gifts are fine and when given are usually electronics or games played on the play station . Don't dare try and give a doll, socks, or a cricket bat . Arriving with something like that would be as welcome as an Alien invasion . Money is fine though - it's actually welcomed - the larger the amount the better .
I could go on but I can't.
There is a stretch limo which I can see from my window . About 10 unruly kids are scrambling in - I guess its a birthday party .
The parents are saying bye and telling them to have a good time
You can be sure they will .

I am no Christopher Columbus

 I am no Christopher Columbus , no Fridtjof Nansen, no Ibn Battutta either.
At times I am of the firm opinion that I was not born to travel - travel is indeed anathema to me .
Do I like to travel ? Yes - and that indeed is the unexplainable paradox !
Don't get me wrong - I like to travel but to be frank I enjoy the destination but literally detest the journey.
No I don't think that explanation carries weight .
It's not actually the journey but the build up that gets under my skin - that gets me all jittery and irritable and a trifle nervous as well . A trifle ? Give me a break !
When someone at a party walks in with a swagger, joins the conversation , talks with style , says he lives out of a suitcase for 20 days a month and has just flown in that very evening from Timbukto after visiting Belarus and never even had time to shave , I am ready to bow in reverence .
How do they do it ? These demi Gods of the skies need to get a star named after them .
Listen to one of my stories now and be the better judge .
I had to travel to India - to Delhi to be precise . It was a 3 day trip and should have been a breeze .
For me it was a hurricane. Thunder and lightening thrown in for effect .
Booking an online ticket was the first hurdle - this is easier said than done . There are umpteen flights and far too many airlines . Too many options confuse me. There were 207 flights from the UAE to Delhi . Its a 3 hour journey approximately for goodness sake so show me the best flights first .
However the first 30 options or so showed journeys which lasted anything between 18 and 30 hours in totality . There were 3 stop flights , 2 stop flights and one stop flights . They were mini whirl wind tours of India from the sky . You missed the dirt and the grime and the pollution as you were at airports and airports are cleaner than most cities . (At least most of them are till you visit the toilets ) You landed and took off till you were giddy and nauseous.
Pray where were the non stop flights? Should they have not been the first option?
Finally I got to the non stop flights .
After keying in many details I saw that the flights were full on the day I had decided to travel on . Murphy's law in play.
I start all over again and come to payment options . It says that they will send me a secret number via sms which I need to key in to verify payment . I wait and yes you guessed correctly - NO MESSAGE.
I take a break and an hour or so later I start all over again. Presto- the fares have increased by a  100 rupees . Now that's what I call ' making a fast buck'
Tickets booked finally and I heave a sigh of relief.
Lets cut to the chase . Packing is always fun . Depending on the weight the particular carrier allows . What do you take by way of clothes . My mind goes back to that demi God who " just threw some things into a duffel bag and was out of the house in a jiffy " I bow again. Pray fair Sir how do you do it ?
If you minus the weight of the suitcase itself and leave a kg or 2 for the faulty weighing scale at many airports , there aren't very many options . So I pack the minimum and hope against hope that it will suffice . The suitcase is opened , checked, weighed and closed any number of times - and this too , many hours before departure . OCD probably ? There is always something more to put in, something extra to take out and something to change . And then there are the keys - tiny key holes make it even worse.
Then- I must have something handy to wear in the hand luggage - what if my suitcase is lost ?
Then it's the ticket , the passport , the money , the pouch , the keys , the pen , the phones, the charger, the multi plugs, a book to read, the I pad , another charger...................
If it's an early morning flight I set two alarms because although I get up early on a regular basis , something tells me that on the day of the flight I may go into a stupor and wake late . I then get up a couple of times in the night to check the time and ensure that I have set the correct alarms and that things are not on silent mode or any such nonsense. You never know with these gadgets - they tend to play up at the most inopportune moments.
I then try in vain to hypnotize myself to sleep, to count sheep , chickens or whatever . When the alarms finally do go off I am already dressed.
Breakfast - no- it may upset my stomach . Who knows what a fried egg can do when its in the mood !
Will the taxi arrive - will the driver be on time . What is the car breaks down .
The luggage was put near the door the previous night - saving time in the morning !
I have never bathed faster. I usually have a shave the night before .
Am at the airport after having checked my ticket and passport umpteen times - don't want to risk leaving them at home do I ?
Don't want to land at the airport with the wrong passport either .
I also check my visa and passport expiry dates - just in case - you never know when they will expire and I will be stumped . I
If you thought this was stressful wait for the next steps.
I always - yes always get static electricity shocks from the trolley . Disgusting .
There is a long line of passengers waiting to check in . Why is everyone travelling just on this day . Why so many children as well . After what seems like eternity I am at the counter .
These counter guys and gals know how very important they are to us travelling mortals and they sure make the most of it .
Always worried about the weight of my luggage - have paid for excess quite often - but not when travelling alone so why the tension ? Don't ask me .
The luggage is weighed - it always seems to weigh a kilo or two more that what the weighing scale showed at home but no issues - still within limits . Sigh. Chuckle to myself- am learning to beat the system . No money to be paid.
The problem is in the next step - If I have not done an online check in then will I manage an isle seat- you see,  I am claustrophobic and I just cannot sit anywhere else but in the aisle seat .
So I try to sound humble, simple , friendly etc I smile - it always works . No clue what I would do if it did not . "Mr Guzder- I have managed to give you an isle seat " The voice floats towards me on a cloud- I am in seventh heaven .
Now comes the dreaded Passport control- what if my name clashes with someone who has been blacklisted ? I know with the combination of my First and surname there is a very slim chance of this happening , but then one never knows - Murphy's law and all .............
I am asked to look into the camera - the man / woman at the counter does a double take - Is something wrong ? Do I resemble someone dangerous ? Is this the day I have been dreading - will I be taken away for interrogation ? Handcuffed . Who will I make a call to ?. I rack my brains and keep a name in mind .
Nothing of that happens - and I move on but I could have sworn that the person at the counter almost sent for a superior officer - just to make sure I was who the passport said I was !
Its now the body and hand luggage check .
I deposit every piece of metal on my person into my hand bag - watch , belt , mobiles , purse . Will they ask me to take off my chain - I hope not as I can't.
I spread my legs , raise my hands and try and look as un - threatening as possible. Surely the guy wont ask me to step aside . The ticket is stamped . I say thank you loud and clear . I breathe deeply .
I go through without a scratch but my bag seems to have vanished .
Then I see it coming- very slowly - then the guy pulls it back to check again . Oh My God - what have they found ?
Has someone slipped something into my luggage . Am I being framed . A knife ? Drugs? a large pair of scissors ? A gun ? Nail clippers !So this is it - the day I have dreaded all my life .
Everyone gets their hand luggage and moves on . I am told to open mine .
My mouth is dry - where the hell are the keys . I fumble - I sweat - I find the bunch of keys - which key is it - where are my spectacles - I find them and put them on - No no no- they are my distance ones.
Where are my reading glasses . I find them . Now where are the keys. I must not lose my ticket and passport in this confusion. Panic sets in .
I open the bag - my pressure has gone up - my heart beats fast . The guy asks me to empty my bag . He whispers something to a colleague . I struggle with the zip . They look at each other and at me .
I try and act casual and take everything out of the bag . Its worse if a lady is checking the contents - they nitpick even more .
I am asked to explain a small packet of Indian coins / why so many keys / a diary with a long pen - (maybe that was the tool I was going to use to hijack the plane ). Then yes- there are the nail cutters but they don't think I can do much harm with them and so they let them pass .
They find nothing - nevertheless I am asked to hand over my Ticket and passport and the details are noted . The ticket is stamped again .
I guess they have to do a thorough check of a certain number of passengers daily - I am usually one of them .
Maybe its the look on my face and the general anxiety . It shows.............
Its over - I am through. I go aside - back goes the wallet , the mobile phones etc etc etc . into my pockets . Have I forgotten anything .
Where in heavens name is that passport again . Its playing games with me for sure .
My ticket seems to have taken off without me and I panic - its Ok - its in the passport and in the side pocket . Who put it there ? Not me . Who cares - and all is well .
I have survived - the journey can begin .
I sail through the flight - the food- the drinks - the loo - the seat - the guy beside me who keeps dozing off on my shoulder .
I reach my destination - the whole procedure is reversed - Passport control , luggage scan , hand luggage scan .
Where is my ticket .
I have been asked strange questions though.
Where had I come from .
Why was I visiting this city .
When was I going back .
Where did I work . Was I travelling alone .
My bladder is bursting . My mouth is parched .
- then in the blink of any eye I am out and walking free .
I am safe and have lived to travel another day .

I am no Christopher Columbus

 I am no Christopher Columbus , no Fridtjof Nansen, no Ibn Battutta either.
At times I am of the firm opinion that I was not born to travel - travel is indeed anathema to me .
Do I like to travel ? Yes - and that indeed is the unexplainable paradox !
Don't get me wrong - I like to travel but to be frank I enjoy the destination but literally detest the journey.
No I don't think that explanation carries weight .
It's not actually the journey but the build up that gets under my skin - that gets me all jittery and irritable and a trifle nervous as well . A trifle ? Give me a break !
When someone at a party walks in with a swagger, joins the conversation , talks with style , says he lives out of a suitcase for 20 days a month and has just flown in that very evening from Timbukto after visiting Belarus and never even had time to shave , I am ready to bow in reverence .
How do they do it ? These demi Gods of the skies need to get a star named after them .
Listen to one of my stories now and be the better judge .
I had to travel to India - to Delhi to be precise . It was a 3 day trip and should have been a breeze .
For me it was a hurricane. Thunder and lightening thrown in for effect .
Booking an online ticket was the first hurdle - this is easier said than done . There are umpteen flights and far too many airlines . Too many options confuse me. There were 207 flights from the UAE to Delhi . Its a 3 hour journey approximately for goodness sake so show me the best flights first .
However the first 30 options or so showed journeys which lasted anything between 18 and 30 hours in totality . There were 3 stop flights , 2 stop flights and one stop flights . They were mini whirl wind tours of India from the sky . You missed the dirt and the grime and the pollution as you were at airports and airports are cleaner than most cities . (At least most of them are till you visit the toilets ) You landed and took off till you were giddy and nauseous.
Pray where were the non stop flights? Should they have not been the first option?
Finally I got to the non stop flights .
After keying in many details I saw that the flights were full on the day I had decided to travel on . Murphy's law in play.
I start all over again and come to payment options . It says that they will send me a secret number via sms which I need to key in to verify payment . I wait and yes you guessed correctly - NO MESSAGE.
I take a break and an hour or so later I start all over again. Presto- the fares have increased by a  100 rupees . Now that's what I call ' making a fast buck'
Tickets booked finally and I heave a sigh of relief.
Lets cut to the chase . Packing is always fun . Depending on the weight the particular carrier allows . What do you take by way of clothes . My mind goes back to that demi God who " just threw some things into a duffel bag and was out of the house in a jiffy " I bow again. Pray fair Sir how do you do it ?
If you minus the weight of the suitcase itself and leave a kg or 2 for the faulty weighing scale at many airports , there aren't very many options . So I pack the minimum and hope against hope that it will suffice . The suitcase is opened , checked, weighed and closed any number of times - and this too , many hours before departure . OCD probably ? There is always something more to put in, something extra to take out and something to change . And then there are the keys - tiny key holes make it even worse.
Then- I must have something handy to wear in the hand luggage - what if my suitcase is lost ?
Then it's the ticket , the passport , the money , the pouch , the keys , the pen , the phones, the charger, the multi plugs, a book to read, the I pad , another charger...................
If it's an early morning flight I set two alarms because although I get up early on a regular basis , something tells me that on the day of the flight I may go into a stupor and wake late . I then get up a couple of times in the night to check the time and ensure that I have set the correct alarms and that things are not on silent mode or any such nonsense. You never know with these gadgets - they tend to play up at the most inopportune moments.
I then try in vain to hypnotize myself to sleep, to count sheep , chickens or whatever . When the alarms finally do go off I am already dressed.
Breakfast - no- it may upset my stomach . Who knows what a fried egg can do when its in the mood !
Will the taxi arrive - will the driver be on time . What is the car breaks down .
The luggage was put near the door the previous night - saving time in the morning !
I have never bathed faster. I usually have a shave the night before .
Am at the airport after having checked my ticket and passport umpteen times - don't want to risk leaving them at home do I ?
Don't want to land at the airport with the wrong passport either .
I also check my visa and passport expiry dates - just in case - you never know when they will expire and I will be stumped . I
If you thought this was stressful wait for the next steps.
I always - yes always get static electricity shocks from the trolley . Disgusting .
There is a long line of passengers waiting to check in . Why is everyone travelling just on this day . Why so many children as well . After what seems like eternity I am at the counter .
These counter guys and gals know how very important they are to us travelling mortals and they sure make the most of it .
Always worried about the weight of my luggage - have paid for excess quite often - but not when travelling alone so why the tension ? Don't ask me .
The luggage is weighed - it always seems to weigh a kilo or two more that what the weighing scale showed at home but no issues - still within limits . Sigh. Chuckle to myself- am learning to beat the system . No money to be paid.
The problem is in the next step - If I have not done an online check in then will I manage an isle seat- you see,  I am claustrophobic and I just cannot sit anywhere else but in the aisle seat .
So I try to sound humble, simple , friendly etc I smile - it always works . No clue what I would do if it did not . "Mr Guzder- I have managed to give you an isle seat " The voice floats towards me on a cloud- I am in seventh heaven .
Now comes the dreaded Passport control- what if my name clashes with someone who has been blacklisted ? I know with the combination of my First and surname there is a very slim chance of this happening , but then one never knows - Murphy's law and all .............
I am asked to look into the camera - the man / woman at the counter does a double take - Is something wrong ? Do I resemble someone dangerous ? Is this the day I have been dreading - will I be taken away for interrogation ? Handcuffed . Who will I make a call to ?. I rack my brains and keep a name in mind .
Nothing of that happens - and I move on but I could have sworn that the person at the counter almost sent for a superior officer - just to make sure I was who the passport said I was !
Its now the body and hand luggage check .
I deposit every piece of metal on my person into my hand bag - watch , belt , mobiles , purse . Will they ask me to take off my chain - I hope not as I can't.
I spread my legs , raise my hands and try and look as un - threatening as possible. Surely the guy wont ask me to step aside . The ticket is stamped . I say thank you loud and clear . I breathe deeply .
I go through without a scratch but my bag seems to have vanished .
Then I see it coming- very slowly - then the guy pulls it back to check again . Oh My God - what have they found ?
Has someone slipped something into my luggage . Am I being framed . A knife ? Drugs? a large pair of scissors ? A gun ? Nail clippers !So this is it - the day I have dreaded all my life .
Everyone gets their hand luggage and moves on . I am told to open mine .
My mouth is dry - where the hell are the keys . I fumble - I sweat - I find the bunch of keys - which key is it - where are my spectacles - I find them and put them on - No no no- they are my distance ones.
Where are my reading glasses . I find them . Now where are the keys. I must not lose my ticket and passport in this confusion. Panic sets in .
I open the bag - my pressure has gone up - my heart beats fast . The guy asks me to empty my bag . He whispers something to a colleague . I struggle with the zip . They look at each other and at me .
I try and act casual and take everything out of the bag . Its worse if a lady is checking the contents - they nitpick even more .
I am asked to explain a small packet of Indian coins / why so many keys / a diary with a long pen - (maybe that was the tool I was going to use to hijack the plane ). Then yes- there are the nail cutters but they don't think I can do much harm with them and so they let them pass .
They find nothing - nevertheless I am asked to hand over my Ticket and passport and the details are noted . The ticket is stamped again .
I guess they have to do a thorough check of a certain number of passengers daily - I am usually one of them .
Maybe its the look on my face and the general anxiety . It shows.............
Its over - I am through. I go aside - back goes the wallet , the mobile phones etc etc etc . into my pockets . Have I forgotten anything .
Where in heavens name is that passport again . Its playing games with me for sure .
My ticket seems to have taken off without me and I panic - its Ok - its in the passport and in the side pocket . Who put it there ? Not me . Who cares - and all is well .
I have survived - the journey can begin .
I sail through the flight - the food- the drinks - the loo - the seat - the guy beside me who keeps dozing off on my shoulder .
I reach my destination - the whole procedure is reversed - Passport control , luggage scan , hand luggage scan .
Where is my ticket .
I have been asked strange questions though.
Where had I come from .
Why was I visiting this city .
When was I going back .
Where did I work . Was I travelling alone .
My bladder is bursting . My mouth is parched .
- then in the blink of any eye I am out and walking free .
I am safe and have lived to travel another day .

Thursdays .................. Why do they take so long to come around ?
Have a great weekend
See you on Sunday
What plans...........
Am so exhausted - am going to sleep late tomorrow.......
Its been a tough week
Why is there so much work
Fed up of Dubai
Waiting for the vacation
Have you booked your tickets ?
Have so much house work to do.


Fridays
No school buses
Parking lots are quiet
Roads empty
Trash flying around in the by lanes
Children so happy
The BAI has a holiday
The mosques and churches are full
Dad gives his car for a wash
Mum visits the parlor
Parks are full ( in winter)
A number of people in super markets in their night wear early in the morning .
Malls are jam packed in the evenings
All eateries do brisk business all day- home kitchens are often rested .
One sees more GAS vans delivering punctually all days
Movie hall tickets are sold out
Guests visit and don't look fatigued
Clothes are given to the laundry
I wish there were two Fridays every week

Saturdays are depressing
Its work tomorrow







 
 
 

Thursdays .................. Why do they take so long to come around ?
Have a great weekend
See you on Sunday
What plans...........
Am so exhausted - am going to sleep late tomorrow.......
Its been a tough week
Why is there so much work
Fed up of Dubai
Waiting for the vacation
Have you booked your tickets ?
Have so much house work to do.


Fridays
No school buses
Parking lots are quiet
Roads empty
Trash flying around in the by lanes
Children so happy
The BAI has a holiday
The mosques and churches are full
Dad gives his car for a wash
Mum visits the parlor
Parks are full ( in winter)
A number of people in super markets in their night wear early in the morning .
Malls are jam packed in the evenings
All eateries do brisk business all day- home kitchens are often rested .
One sees more GAS vans delivering punctually all days
Movie hall tickets are sold out
Guests visit and don't look fatigued
Clothes are given to the laundry
I wish there were two Fridays every week

Saturdays are depressing
Its work tomorrow







 
 
 

Sleepy ? Not me

 

Quite amazed when people tell me that they ensure they sleep a LITTLE extra on Friday and Saturday mornings in Dubai to make up for the struggle of the week .
A little probing reveals that a LITTLE extra means that instead of getting out of bed at 5 am , they sleep a little extra and get out of bed around NOON !
For goodness sake how does one do that ? Today is Friday and as usual I got out of bed at 5 am . I just can't sleep later despite intending to do so .
Every Friday and Saturday I get up at the same time - 5.00 am . I potter around , have tea , read the papers , check my mail , check my FB , send a few Birthday wishes and get ready to go the gym ............ am I getting old or what ? Or am I already old
I have been told it is the sign of old age - one sleeps lesser and lesser as one ages . Is not everyone aging ?