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Thursday, 1 October 2015

Dhobis in Allahabad - India

Where have the dhobis gone ? Are they still there in Allahabad? What about in the large cities ? Have dry cleaners and laundrys put them out of business . Have they joined the bandwagon and gone hi tech ? Am not too sure .

However I have memories of the 50's and the 60's in Allahabad - my home town .

As a young boy in Allahabd I have vivid memories of our dhobi and his family. They lived just about 25 meters away in a small little hut adjoining the railway colony . It was a large family in one small room . In the verandah was a large wooden ironing table with a large heavy iron on a pice of stone - always hot - always ready to be used . It was a coal iron mind you and it weighed a ton . The table often had one leg or part of it replaced with bricks . It was old - probably a throw away which he had repaired for use .

Every Saturday morning the dhobi would be at the door to take the 'Jugan'- for the uninitiated, that means - the soiled clothes .

He would first open the bundle of clothes he had taken the previous week and the clean , starched and ironed items were counted and ticked . It was procedurial I must say !

The soiled clothes were piled before him on the ground and he first made them into piles - all the sheets together , then the pllow cases, the counterpanes , trousers, shirts, dresses etc.

Then he lifted each garment up in the air in clear view and counted out loud while my mother or aunt noted details in the Dhobi Register !( It was believed that dhobis stole clothes while counting )

He then did a 'total' count while the ladies of the house did their check . At times he was made to recount as well ( embarassing I must say when I think of it now )

A large sheet was then taken - the dirty clothes put in and with one or two deft moves a knot was tied- there was a big salam and he was off to the next door neighbour's house to repeat the ritual.

Mid way through all this he was given a mug of tea .

Meanwhile the clean clothes he had brought were being put away after being checked for stains or tears . Dhobis were famous for tearing or destroying clothes and money was cut from his bill if that happened . He had no other option but to agree to the cut- there was no system and no fixed predecided amount - it was done on a whim of the Memsaheb . He haggled, he pleaded , he said that it was not his fault - it was an old garment . No - the ladies were judge , jury and hangman ( or hang women ) Their word was law .

Often I was instructed to put away the clothes while they kept an ey on him or vice versa . ( embarassing again ) . The poor guy was no thief but nevertheless he had to be watched and so watched he was .

A few things which I often mulled over .

The winters of Allahabad are horrible - the temperature goes down to absurd numbers and its biting cold in December and January . You have to be in Allahabad or from Allahabad to understand the wind chill factor . It may be 8 degress but it feels like zero !

You also have the Nahan ( bathing days) when its damp, cloudy and even more cold . People huddle around fires , schools are closed , the sun is never seen . Shops open at 11 am . It only get bright by about 8 am and then its dull and depressing all day - the night comes early- its often dark by 5 pm . Shops close early and everyone rushes home . Its bad weather - thats is the only topic .

Hot tea and snacks are the order of the day and the men spend more time tippling - it's a good excuse you see . Goverment officials like the winter . They spend a major portion of the day drinking tea or standing in the sun and rubbing their palms together .

A few fitness fanatics can be seen going for their morning walk at 6 am- its pitch black outside and they are all covered up - looking like mountineers about to set off to scale Everest - need I say more . Brave men and some brave women .

Amidst this mayhem the dhobi is instructed very matter of factly to bring the clothes ON TIME . He is warned - NOT TO BLAME THE WEATHER !

So come what may - while the city freezes, and everyone curses the weather Gods , the poor guy is on his cylce and off to the dhobi ghat about 5 km away ( from our house ). This is almost a daily ritual which begins well before the sun rises .

The clothes are banged and brushed and rinsed and spread out on endles lines of rope. When there is no more place on the rope the larger garments are spread on the dew covered grass . Many dhobis vie for a washing bin and for drying space .

Mind you - no washing machines in those days , no sun either !

Was that not some sort of a miracle ?- How in heaven's name did those clothes dry . Where did he summon the will power from to get the job done ? Dignity of labour indeed . It was a dirty job .

Wash clothes at home and your hands are frozen over before you can say the word DHOBI . Then put them out and they take 3 days to dry if your lucky . Leave them out after 4 pm and they are soaking wet again due to the dew .

The dhobi however , after spending hours washing and drying the clothes had to cycle back with the semi dried clothes . He then proceeded to iron them till late in the night . Each dhobi serviced almost a full colony comprising about 100 families .

However come Saturday and without fail , the dhobi would be at the door - smiling - with the Jugan .

You could also take clothes for ironing at any time during the day - whether he was awake or sleeping , eating or bathing , either he or someone in the family would come and iron your clothes for you - no arguement , no excuse, no delay .

I must add that the amounts charged even in those days and by those standards was minimal . Everytime he asked for an increase he was told that it was being looked into . Not sure when he got it !

The dhobi was like an intrinsic part time of the family - he came - he stayed for a while and he left . No one could do without him .

Dhobis of India - where ever you are - I SALUTE YOU


Dhobis in Allahabad - India

Where have the dhobis gone ? Are they still there in Allahabad? What about in the large cities ? Have dry cleaners and laundrys put them out of business . Have they joined the bandwagon and gone hi tech ? Am not too sure .

However I have memories of the 50's and the 60's in Allahabad - my home town .

As a young boy in Allahabd I have vivid memories of our dhobi and his family. They lived just about 25 meters away in a small little hut adjoining the railway colony . It was a large family in one small room . In the verandah was a large wooden ironing table with a large heavy iron on a pice of stone - always hot - always ready to be used . It was a coal iron mind you and it weighed a ton . The table often had one leg or part of it replaced with bricks . It was old - probably a throw away which he had repaired for use .

Every Saturday morning the dhobi would be at the door to take the 'Jugan'- for the uninitiated, that means - the soiled clothes .

He would first open the bundle of clothes he had taken the previous week and the clean , starched and ironed items were counted and ticked . It was procedurial I must say !

The soiled clothes were piled before him on the ground and he first made them into piles - all the sheets together , then the pllow cases, the counterpanes , trousers, shirts, dresses etc.

Then he lifted each garment up in the air in clear view and counted out loud while my mother or aunt noted details in the Dhobi Register !( It was believed that dhobis stole clothes while counting )

He then did a 'total' count while the ladies of the house did their check . At times he was made to recount as well ( embarassing I must say when I think of it now )

A large sheet was then taken - the dirty clothes put in and with one or two deft moves a knot was tied- there was a big salam and he was off to the next door neighbour's house to repeat the ritual.

Mid way through all this he was given a mug of tea .

Meanwhile the clean clothes he had brought were being put away after being checked for stains or tears . Dhobis were famous for tearing or destroying clothes and money was cut from his bill if that happened . He had no other option but to agree to the cut- there was no system and no fixed predecided amount - it was done on a whim of the Memsaheb . He haggled, he pleaded , he said that it was not his fault - it was an old garment . No - the ladies were judge , jury and hangman ( or hang women ) Their word was law .

Often I was instructed to put away the clothes while they kept an ey on him or vice versa . ( embarassing again ) . The poor guy was no thief but nevertheless he had to be watched and so watched he was .

A few things which I often mulled over .

The winters of Allahabad are horrible - the temperature goes down to absurd numbers and its biting cold in December and January . You have to be in Allahabad or from Allahabad to understand the wind chill factor . It may be 8 degress but it feels like zero !

You also have the Nahan ( bathing days) when its damp, cloudy and even more cold . People huddle around fires , schools are closed , the sun is never seen . Shops open at 11 am . It only get bright by about 8 am and then its dull and depressing all day - the night comes early- its often dark by 5 pm . Shops close early and everyone rushes home . Its bad weather - thats is the only topic .

Hot tea and snacks are the order of the day and the men spend more time tippling - it's a good excuse you see . Goverment officials like the winter . They spend a major portion of the day drinking tea or standing in the sun and rubbing their palms together .

A few fitness fanatics can be seen going for their morning walk at 6 am- its pitch black outside and they are all covered up - looking like mountineers about to set off to scale Everest - need I say more . Brave men and some brave women .

Amidst this mayhem the dhobi is instructed very matter of factly to bring the clothes ON TIME . He is warned - NOT TO BLAME THE WEATHER !

So come what may - while the city freezes, and everyone curses the weather Gods , the poor guy is on his cylce and off to the dhobi ghat about 5 km away ( from our house ). This is almost a daily ritual which begins well before the sun rises .

The clothes are banged and brushed and rinsed and spread out on endles lines of rope. When there is no more place on the rope the larger garments are spread on the dew covered grass . Many dhobis vie for a washing bin and for drying space .

Mind you - no washing machines in those days , no sun either !

Was that not some sort of a miracle ?- How in heaven's name did those clothes dry . Where did he summon the will power from to get the job done ? Dignity of labour indeed . It was a dirty job .

Wash clothes at home and your hands are frozen over before you can say the word DHOBI . Then put them out and they take 3 days to dry if your lucky . Leave them out after 4 pm and they are soaking wet again due to the dew .

The dhobi however , after spending hours washing and drying the clothes had to cycle back with the semi dried clothes . He then proceeded to iron them till late in the night . Each dhobi serviced almost a full colony comprising about 100 families .

However come Saturday and without fail , the dhobi would be at the door - smiling - with the Jugan .

You could also take clothes for ironing at any time during the day - whether he was awake or sleeping , eating or bathing , either he or someone in the family would come and iron your clothes for you - no arguement , no excuse, no delay .

I must add that the amounts charged even in those days and by those standards was minimal . Everytime he asked for an increase he was told that it was being looked into . Not sure when he got it !

The dhobi was like an intrinsic part time of the family - he came - he stayed for a while and he left . No one could do without him .

Dhobis of India - where ever you are - I SALUTE YOU


Sunday, 14 June 2015

Stories from here and there: Friday shopping in a hypermarket in Dubai

Stories from here and there: Friday shopping in a hypermarket in Dubai: Lulu hypermarket in Dubai is a great place to shop on a Friday morning . You see all types of people and it's fun. Went there yester...

Stories from here and there: Friday shopping in a hypermarket in Dubai

Stories from here and there: Friday shopping in a hypermarket in Dubai: Lulu hypermarket in Dubai is a great place to shop on a Friday morning . You see all types of people and it's fun. Went there yester...

Friday shopping in a hypermarket in Dubai

Lulu hypermarket in Dubai is a great place to shop on a Friday morning .

You see all types of people and it's fun. Went there yesterday - yes to shop . To push the trolley and pay actually . You know what that means .

So here I was standing and watching ....

A family back from church - the wife in a sari and there was gold - quite a lot of it actually . Was she a jewellers' daughter ?

Two kids - one a teen - dead bored - busy on the mobile and least interested .When asked which biscuits she wanted for school she sneered and shrugged . The younger chap - about 6 years old was a keen shopper - he wanted about 3 types of biscuits and that was the first thing in the trolley . He then got himself a juice - he opened it and gulped it down before you could say Lulu !

The sari clad lady was obviously stocking up for a flood or a famine - many kilograms of vegetables & fruit . About three dozen bananas ( maybe they had a monkey as a pet), sugar, flour , packets and packets of tea leaves , a few bottles of coffee and biscuits of all kinds for a very large tea party . Chicken and mutton - I could not see but probably there were chocolates by the dozen. She definitley loved milk as well . Low fat , Full fat, Rich in Calcium and Skimmed - she had them all . Different species of cats at home maybe - one never knows .

By the time she was done with shopping there were two overfull trolleys , one hassled husband and two tired children. She looked as if she still wanted to buy more .

There are the newly weds - married and back in Dubai after the ceremony . Hubby has been here earlier so he knows Lulu like the back of his palm . She has flowers in her hair and looks cute and bright eyed . She is thin . She has not yet sampled the burgers and the fries .

Its their first trip out obviously and so they need to stock up . She is holding his arm and he looks a trifle embarassed . They are simpering and she is looking him in the eye . He is in Jeans and a fake Armani T shirt . New sneakers complete the man .

He has control of the trolley - There is a comforter and two pillows , a few pans, a pressure cooker , a mop and broom , detergent , toiletries . He wants to buy tissues ( in case friends drop in ) she says she hates tissues . He buys one box . He is the earning member you see .

Next they argue over the fruit - nothing serious - a smiley arguement . He is a mango guy and she loves oranges . So oranges it is, as he does not want to upset her, lest she demand to phone her mother and that will cost more than the oranges -They buy 6 of them - there are only two of them you see . She is confused - there are 8 types. He picks up the cheapest ones - oranges are oranges .

The choice of detergent takes ages - he swears by Lulu detergent . His arguement - you pay less and you get more . She is an Ariel babe . He sticks to his guns - she gives him a loving nudge and he smiles and picks up a 1 kg pack . You win some - you lose some .

She wants to buy chicken . He agrees . He is probably wondering and hoping she can cook . (She looks like the MAGGI types ).

There are many different brands of chicken and he does not know the difference but pretends he does . He picks up one . She wants small pieces . He wants the skin removed . She says its a waste of money . They argue . His patience is wearing thin . Not sure what happened - I think they ended up buys eggs as they both were afraid of offending each other. Awwwwww!!!!!

Quite a few exercise freaks as well- wannabees - some the Nike types and true to the brand- shoes , T shirt, shorts , socks, wrist bands , sweat band on the head - if Nike make it they buy it and wear it - all at the same time . The perfect gulfie .

Then there is the mix and match type- Addidas T shirt, Everlast track pant, Nike shoes , unbranded socks , Adidas cap- it must be worn back to the front , and some coloured bracelet. A small towel on the shoulder. He is my age and bald- but thinks he is 21. Stretching and twisting his torso - trying to catch a glimpse of himself in the showcase . Looked like a salesman - I dont know why but thats the feeling I got . I could be wrong .

The biggest joke is that these so called Gym junkies are panting while pushing the trolley - they are perspiring - after just one aisle mind you ! Not sure if they go to the gym in the first place . They probably do - only on a Friday - and then they come shopping !

Then there are shorts - people in Dubai are obsessed with shorts and they wear them at any time - the place and the occasion does not matter - nor does their shape . What better place than Lulu on a Friday morning .

So there are the normal knee length shorts , there are short shorts , there are the three quarters . There are women in men's shorts and vice versa ( couples ) . So there was this lady in shorts a tad too tight and a trifle too short and she looked hideous . Did her husband not notice ? Or maybe he enjoyed letting her look silly . Maybe they had had a fight that morning and this was his way of revenge ! Whatever be the reason she was a sight for sore eyes . And she kept pulling and adjusting them between her legs . Some shorts have stuff written on them as well and I swear this is not made up . On her shorts and accross her dierrie was the word "JUICY ". Maybe this is the name of a brand- I am not sure but ...........JUICY ?? for goodness sake .

What about T shirts . You get terrific ones - all brands , colours, sizes . You name it and you can find it but come Friday morning and the strangest ones are fetched from the back of the cupboard and worn . They are usually crushed . Ironed tshirts are are not cool anymore . The more shabby and crushed - the better .

Why in heavens name would you wear a T shirt if you dont have the body for one in the first place . And when you have the body for one , must you chose a T Shirt that has funny and inappropriate stuff scrawled all over .

So there was this scrawny guy with "TRY ME" . Another with a big face of a fierce looking animal - Looked like a tiger - He was the meakest looking guy in the whole hypermarket . Then there was this old gent - grey hair , balding and spectacles that were thick and ugly . His T shirt had "MEAN STREAK" . Mean streak ?? Was he crazy . He looked like a priest .

Then you have BEATLES/ SCORPIONS and YUMMY ! Skulls, Hearts , and Faces are also common.

One elderly lady had "I LUV GRANDMA" on her back and her companion - a very tall thin gent had" BRAINS " on his . Pardon me and I dont mean to be rude but he looked rather brainless as he had a perpetual smile on his face- but then as they say - looks are deceptive .

Woman are not to be left far behind . In the first place the T shirt is often a size too small and then it has strange words- DON' T LOOK HERE , KISS ME , DON'T STARE ( on her back ) . Some stuff is embarassing to write about so I wont - leaving it to your fertile imagination . ( You wicked Bishops Boys I mean YOU )

Of course there are the usual fat guys with the names of Footballers and the ever so famous "FLY EMIRATES ". Messi and Ronaldo often vie for space on paunch .

While many of the tshirts are the Originals , a large no are the copies - with words often misspelt as well .

Of course there are the kids pushing empty trolleys down one aisle after the other . You need to stay far and stay safe . Often sibblings race trolleys - if you're not careful they will bang into you from the front , back or side . They will bang the back of your ankle and cause you to wince in pain or push the trolley over your toes and look sheepish . When that happens , parents immediately disown them and look away / walk away - they know fully well that is the easiest thing to do . No adult wants to get into a slanging match with a kid - definitely not in Dubai. You swallow hard , grind your teeth and walk away in pain .

Ok here is something strange and it usually happens on a busy Friday . Guys with no better entertainment come to Lulu to do imaginary shopping . It is sad but quite painful for the Lulu employees as well . So this is what they do. They spend a few hours in the Hypermarket - walking around, checking prices , discussing brands with a friend ( This is only guys ) and filling up the trolley . They go to all the girls who are giving out free samples - so they have coffee, tea, juice, flavoured milk, biscuits , cheese etc. Then when they are either tired, fed up or full they just leave the trolley in the aisle and walk away and go home . It's easy , its fun and much more interesting than sitting in a small room with 15 other men and chatting . The rooms probably don't smell very good as well .

Decision making about what to buy often takes up a lot of time - which brand, what size. how many or how much . Then there are the offers - Buy two soaps and get two free , 6 tubes of tooth paste and get 4 tooth brushes free , two packets of flour taped together, 2 bottles of oil taped together with 20 % extra printed on the tape . It's confusing , it's interesting , it gets you calculating . In the end one is not sure if its a marketing scam or a genuine offer but it sure looks good and very very tempting .

More often than not people end up buying stuff they do not want , do not need and may never use - Of if you buy it your left using it for a year .

I once showed interest in a sale of 6 tubes of tooth paste and then realized that the expiry date was 6 months away . With it were 2 scrubbers for cleaning ovens and one tooth brush free . A strange combination . Did I mention that some of the sales people are very persistant and it's so difficult to refuse them . I have to admit that rather than offend them , I have - on few occasions - this was one of them - taken what they have shown me and left it on a shelf in another aisle !

The payment counters are another thing altogether . There are about 10 counters and about 50 people with full trolleys waiting to pay at any given time . ( This is where a lot of the ankle and shin banging takes place )

So you get in line and wait your turn . You watch people getting impatient - scolding and smacking kids who are tired and fed up . They look around and dart into a line that seems to be moving faster . Then there is a hold up and husband and wife argue as to whose falult it was to change lines .

Then there are the bags . Lulu loves bags and obvioulsy has more bags than they need so you get 6 bananas in a bag , then tea leaves and coffee in another , some vegetables in one , fruit in another. By the time your Friday purchases are done with you have about 30 bags of various sizes - usually bigger than necessary .

You pay and if its sale time you get lucky coupons - Spend 100 dhms and that gets you one . Some are Scratch & Win , some are Lucky raffle draw . I have scratched and not won - it reads - Better luck next time - Try again ! Am still trying. Maybe I will have better luck next time or the time after the next time !

The coupons take ages to fill in and when you see about 20000 in the box you lose hope . But someone has to win . Maybe me ! Maybe next time !

Not sure but I am yet to win anything . Probably when I do it will be the Camry with the big red bow .

If I am lucky it may be the 4 KG gold . OMG how will I take the gold to India . Now thats worrying me . Any ideas ?

I will wait , I will fill in the coupons diligently and I will continue to shop at Lulu . When I win I will write about it and tell you all .

And no - I dont go shopping in shorts or in T shirts with funny writing .

 

Friday shopping in a hypermarket in Dubai

Lulu hypermarket in Dubai is a great place to shop on a Friday morning .

You see all types of people and it's fun. Went there yesterday - yes to shop . To push the trolley and pay actually . You know what that means .

So here I was standing and watching ....

A family back from church - the wife in a sari and there was gold - quite a lot of it actually . Was she a jewellers' daughter ?

Two kids - one a teen - dead bored - busy on the mobile and least interested .When asked which biscuits she wanted for school she sneered and shrugged . The younger chap - about 6 years old was a keen shopper - he wanted about 3 types of biscuits and that was the first thing in the trolley . He then got himself a juice - he opened it and gulped it down before you could say Lulu !

The sari clad lady was obviously stocking up for a flood or a famine - many kilograms of vegetables & fruit . About three dozen bananas ( maybe they had a monkey as a pet), sugar, flour , packets and packets of tea leaves , a few bottles of coffee and biscuits of all kinds for a very large tea party . Chicken and mutton - I could not see but probably there were chocolates by the dozen. She definitley loved milk as well . Low fat , Full fat, Rich in Calcium and Skimmed - she had them all . Different species of cats at home maybe - one never knows .

By the time she was done with shopping there were two overfull trolleys , one hassled husband and two tired children. She looked as if she still wanted to buy more .

There are the newly weds - married and back in Dubai after the ceremony . Hubby has been here earlier so he knows Lulu like the back of his palm . She has flowers in her hair and looks cute and bright eyed . She is thin . She has not yet sampled the burgers and the fries .

Its their first trip out obviously and so they need to stock up . She is holding his arm and he looks a trifle embarassed . They are simpering and she is looking him in the eye . He is in Jeans and a fake Armani T shirt . New sneakers complete the man .

He has control of the trolley - There is a comforter and two pillows , a few pans, a pressure cooker , a mop and broom , detergent , toiletries . He wants to buy tissues ( in case friends drop in ) she says she hates tissues . He buys one box . He is the earning member you see .

Next they argue over the fruit - nothing serious - a smiley arguement . He is a mango guy and she loves oranges . So oranges it is, as he does not want to upset her, lest she demand to phone her mother and that will cost more than the oranges -They buy 6 of them - there are only two of them you see . She is confused - there are 8 types. He picks up the cheapest ones - oranges are oranges .

The choice of detergent takes ages - he swears by Lulu detergent . His arguement - you pay less and you get more . She is an Ariel babe . He sticks to his guns - she gives him a loving nudge and he smiles and picks up a 1 kg pack . You win some - you lose some .

She wants to buy chicken . He agrees . He is probably wondering and hoping she can cook . (She looks like the MAGGI types ).

There are many different brands of chicken and he does not know the difference but pretends he does . He picks up one . She wants small pieces . He wants the skin removed . She says its a waste of money . They argue . His patience is wearing thin . Not sure what happened - I think they ended up buys eggs as they both were afraid of offending each other. Awwwwww!!!!!

Quite a few exercise freaks as well- wannabees - some the Nike types and true to the brand- shoes , T shirt, shorts , socks, wrist bands , sweat band on the head - if Nike make it they buy it and wear it - all at the same time . The perfect gulfie .

Then there is the mix and match type- Addidas T shirt, Everlast track pant, Nike shoes , unbranded socks , Adidas cap- it must be worn back to the front , and some coloured bracelet. A small towel on the shoulder. He is my age and bald- but thinks he is 21. Stretching and twisting his torso - trying to catch a glimpse of himself in the showcase . Looked like a salesman - I dont know why but thats the feeling I got . I could be wrong .

The biggest joke is that these so called Gym junkies are panting while pushing the trolley - they are perspiring - after just one aisle mind you ! Not sure if they go to the gym in the first place . They probably do - only on a Friday - and then they come shopping !

Then there are shorts - people in Dubai are obsessed with shorts and they wear them at any time - the place and the occasion does not matter - nor does their shape . What better place than Lulu on a Friday morning .

So there are the normal knee length shorts , there are short shorts , there are the three quarters . There are women in men's shorts and vice versa ( couples ) . So there was this lady in shorts a tad too tight and a trifle too short and she looked hideous . Did her husband not notice ? Or maybe he enjoyed letting her look silly . Maybe they had had a fight that morning and this was his way of revenge ! Whatever be the reason she was a sight for sore eyes . And she kept pulling and adjusting them between her legs . Some shorts have stuff written on them as well and I swear this is not made up . On her shorts and accross her dierrie was the word "JUICY ". Maybe this is the name of a brand- I am not sure but ...........JUICY ?? for goodness sake .

What about T shirts . You get terrific ones - all brands , colours, sizes . You name it and you can find it but come Friday morning and the strangest ones are fetched from the back of the cupboard and worn . They are usually crushed . Ironed tshirts are are not cool anymore . The more shabby and crushed - the better .

Why in heavens name would you wear a T shirt if you dont have the body for one in the first place . And when you have the body for one , must you chose a T Shirt that has funny and inappropriate stuff scrawled all over .

So there was this scrawny guy with "TRY ME" . Another with a big face of a fierce looking animal - Looked like a tiger - He was the meakest looking guy in the whole hypermarket . Then there was this old gent - grey hair , balding and spectacles that were thick and ugly . His T shirt had "MEAN STREAK" . Mean streak ?? Was he crazy . He looked like a priest .

Then you have BEATLES/ SCORPIONS and YUMMY ! Skulls, Hearts , and Faces are also common.

One elderly lady had "I LUV GRANDMA" on her back and her companion - a very tall thin gent had" BRAINS " on his . Pardon me and I dont mean to be rude but he looked rather brainless as he had a perpetual smile on his face- but then as they say - looks are deceptive .

Woman are not to be left far behind . In the first place the T shirt is often a size too small and then it has strange words- DON' T LOOK HERE , KISS ME , DON'T STARE ( on her back ) . Some stuff is embarassing to write about so I wont - leaving it to your fertile imagination . ( You wicked Bishops Boys I mean YOU )

Of course there are the usual fat guys with the names of Footballers and the ever so famous "FLY EMIRATES ". Messi and Ronaldo often vie for space on paunch .

While many of the tshirts are the Originals , a large no are the copies - with words often misspelt as well .

Of course there are the kids pushing empty trolleys down one aisle after the other . You need to stay far and stay safe . Often sibblings race trolleys - if you're not careful they will bang into you from the front , back or side . They will bang the back of your ankle and cause you to wince in pain or push the trolley over your toes and look sheepish . When that happens , parents immediately disown them and look away / walk away - they know fully well that is the easiest thing to do . No adult wants to get into a slanging match with a kid - definitely not in Dubai. You swallow hard , grind your teeth and walk away in pain .

Ok here is something strange and it usually happens on a busy Friday . Guys with no better entertainment come to Lulu to do imaginary shopping . It is sad but quite painful for the Lulu employees as well . So this is what they do. They spend a few hours in the Hypermarket - walking around, checking prices , discussing brands with a friend ( This is only guys ) and filling up the trolley . They go to all the girls who are giving out free samples - so they have coffee, tea, juice, flavoured milk, biscuits , cheese etc. Then when they are either tired, fed up or full they just leave the trolley in the aisle and walk away and go home . It's easy , its fun and much more interesting than sitting in a small room with 15 other men and chatting . The rooms probably don't smell very good as well .

Decision making about what to buy often takes up a lot of time - which brand, what size. how many or how much . Then there are the offers - Buy two soaps and get two free , 6 tubes of tooth paste and get 4 tooth brushes free , two packets of flour taped together, 2 bottles of oil taped together with 20 % extra printed on the tape . It's confusing , it's interesting , it gets you calculating . In the end one is not sure if its a marketing scam or a genuine offer but it sure looks good and very very tempting .

More often than not people end up buying stuff they do not want , do not need and may never use - Of if you buy it your left using it for a year .

I once showed interest in a sale of 6 tubes of tooth paste and then realized that the expiry date was 6 months away . With it were 2 scrubbers for cleaning ovens and one tooth brush free . A strange combination . Did I mention that some of the sales people are very persistant and it's so difficult to refuse them . I have to admit that rather than offend them , I have - on few occasions - this was one of them - taken what they have shown me and left it on a shelf in another aisle !

The payment counters are another thing altogether . There are about 10 counters and about 50 people with full trolleys waiting to pay at any given time . ( This is where a lot of the ankle and shin banging takes place )

So you get in line and wait your turn . You watch people getting impatient - scolding and smacking kids who are tired and fed up . They look around and dart into a line that seems to be moving faster . Then there is a hold up and husband and wife argue as to whose falult it was to change lines .

Then there are the bags . Lulu loves bags and obvioulsy has more bags than they need so you get 6 bananas in a bag , then tea leaves and coffee in another , some vegetables in one , fruit in another. By the time your Friday purchases are done with you have about 30 bags of various sizes - usually bigger than necessary .

You pay and if its sale time you get lucky coupons - Spend 100 dhms and that gets you one . Some are Scratch & Win , some are Lucky raffle draw . I have scratched and not won - it reads - Better luck next time - Try again ! Am still trying. Maybe I will have better luck next time or the time after the next time !

The coupons take ages to fill in and when you see about 20000 in the box you lose hope . But someone has to win . Maybe me ! Maybe next time !

Not sure but I am yet to win anything . Probably when I do it will be the Camry with the big red bow .

If I am lucky it may be the 4 KG gold . OMG how will I take the gold to India . Now thats worrying me . Any ideas ?

I will wait , I will fill in the coupons diligently and I will continue to shop at Lulu . When I win I will write about it and tell you all .

And no - I dont go shopping in shorts or in T shirts with funny writing .

 

Thursday, 21 May 2015

birthday parties - Birthday Parties & B I R T H D A Y P A R T I E S

How times change . For instance,  look at birthday parties and gauge for yourself  .
Was thinking back to my birthdays.
The parties were held at home & planned by parents  & relatives .
They were small simple affairs . 15 friends was usually what I had . They were always accompanied by both parents. ( Did the fathers not go to work ? Were they not exhausted by the time they returned ? )
Well the party started at 4 pm and was always held on a Saturday irrespective of when the actual big day was .
Friends all came well dressed . They were punctual . They carried gifts wrapped in fancy paper - kite paper at times !
Not to forget the one box camera to record memories and all those artificial poses and the SAY CHEESE  !
Listen to some of the gifts I received .
A compendium of games was very common . For the uninitiated it was a box with 3  boards in it - Chinese checkers, Ludo& Snakes and Ladders, Chess &  Draughts . The coins/ men/ tokens& dice  were in a little plastic bag .
Then there was Shirt pieces, socks, vests ( Yes ) Cricket bats, Tennis balls, Rubber balls, Marbles, 2 Badminton rackets, TT Bats with one ball , a football , a hockey stick .
At times there was an envelope with money - no not a 1000 rupees - probably 10 or 20 .
The best gift I ever got was a carom board and I had it for years and finally became quite a champion in Allahabad .
My grandfather once took me out and bought me an air gun - when I came home all excited my mother saw it and nearly had a fit . The gun was taken away and I was promised to get it back when I was older ( I was 8 ) . I never saw it again.
I hated the cloth gifts . Who wants to get 3 white vests for a birthday? I once remember opening the gifts as the party got over. Yes the first gift I opened was 3 white vests . I threw them on the bed in a temper and referred to the giver as a fool . I then picked them up in a temper- threw them on the ground and stamped them - then I was smacked and smacked and made to say sorry !
I probably wore one of them the next day to school .
Then there were the games . Musical chairs and musical arms , Hiding things for us to find, I spy , 7 tiles and kings.
Have you heard of a KHOI bag?
Most of you have probably not so I will need to explain.
A bag stuffed with puffed rice and confetti - then there were whistles , bugles, 25 and 50 pice coins, small toys etc . It was tied to the fan or to a nail in the ceiling.
Everyone gathered under the bag and there was great excitement and a lot of screaming . Then a tall gent was asked to pull a chord . The contents then spilled down and there was a mad scramble with everyone grabbing and pushing to gather up as much of the goodies as possible.
I remember being told year after year- "don't you grab anything - leave the gifts for your friends "
So like a fool I scrambled about  on my fours with  the others - like a blind boy-  purposely avoiding picking up the gifts . I was often in tears as I saw friends  scoop up the toys and the coins . At times I felt like banging my head on the wall- this was so not fair . It was my party .
Then there was the cutting of the cake - more often than not baked and iced at home.
There were also patties , chips and sandwiches. Squash seemed to be the drink of the masses so there was plenty of squash - cold and tasty - no ice for me though  - I had tonsillitis and adenoids - a dangerous and disgusting combination if ever there was one .
The party got over at 8 . Period . Good night .
Don't get me wrong - at the end of the day I enjoyed the evening . Except for the clothes , the other gifts were fun . The 20 or 30 rupees were kept away to buy marbles and sweets . The bat, the board games , the rackets were all used till as long as they lasted which was usually a few months .
No gifts were recycled . Period.
Then the years went by and soon I was a father ( no I did not marry at 14 )


Then came the birthdays of my two pretty girls . They were different it many ways .
They joined in the planning and had a big say .
Printed invites were distributed - approximately 30 .
Most of the eats were bought . Rasna , squash and cold drinks were offered .
The cake was ordered - usually some fancy shape and fancy candles .
The party started at 6 pm. There were photographs galore .
There was dinner and drinks as well for the adults.
The gifts were Barbie dolls  , sets of other dolls , dolls houses , some pretty dresses, larger cash gifts ( which they hated ) , books , etc etc .
There was no khoi bag !
The games were played on the terrace and the gifts to be given were chosen by the girls themselves .
They also chose the games to play and were quite happy organizing and not playing .
There was music and a microphone and the room / terrace was decorated .
Plenty of dancing and some kids sang as well .
Adults sat indoors and had a party of their own . At times they joined the kids on the terrace to see all was well or to help organize a game . They also were asked to step in as photographer and DJ.
Cassettes were in vogue and these were selected in advance .
Oh yes there were return gifts as well and these cost quite a packet.
Some of the adults stayed on for dinner- the close friends- the others left by about 9. 30 . Tired kids often dozed off and were carried home or forced to get up .
After the party the gifts were opened with plenty of oohs and aahs !
An exhausting day came to an end -
The photographs would be given for printing the next day .


Parties today - wow . They are parties indeed.
A month or so before D day , the planning begins .


Where will the party be held - a hotel or a venue needs to be booked . So also a DJ.
The party cant start before 8 and no-  Parents and other strange adults are not welcome .
A stretch limo  to transport the birthday kid and a few homies to the venue would make a style statement  . Not a bad idea .
Clothes- yes clothes need to be bought by the birthday boy / girl.
Very often they go on their own with friends as parents would buy something hideous -( read old fangled).
There are waiters with starters in  trays .
Fast food  is washed down with Pepsi / coke . Anything else is a no no .
Birthday cake - NO NO NO - I AM NOT A KID .
No one wants dinner either . That's for the nerds .
Then there is the lighting . It's dim, it flashes , there are strobes , scanners, mirrors, twisters and beams - all in varying colours
A camera is now passé- what are mobile phones for? . The photographs are up all over in real time and being viewed all over the world . Some kids carry two phones  . They must.
 Who knows who may call them and for what . It could be important - they must not miss a call - so two phones are a must . Are they really ?
At times they are messaging while talking to friends - they don't even look down .
Its a smooth draw that would put Clint Eastwood to shame- Pull the phone out - Message - take a call , make a call, click a snap , upload a snap - they make it look so easy indeed.
Phones must be close at hand at all times - while eating , while drinking , while dancing , while in the loo . They are also looked at every 15 seconds .
Comments pour in  as soon as a snap is uploaded  - some would make a sailor blush - these are 13 year olds mind you ( no this is not my daughter I am referring to ) .
What about the selfies and the selfie sticks - O M G .................
Then there are the  chat conversations while the party is in full swing - ASAP, ASL, BTY, TNX, ROFL,TTYL,LMAO,WTH,ZZZZZZZZ . ( I goggled these lest you think I use them )
There is no time for full sentences or full words - there are so many better and more important things to attend to . Like making a call or putting up a cute status.
The clothes take the cake . Why do trousers have to be falling off - what's with the Calvin Kline showing through . Are shades necessary at 6 pm ? Brightly coloured shoes ? Strange hair styles - streaked more often than not .
 Did the material fall short for the dress ? Is that a blouse or a top without a bottom or is that actually a dress . Now that's daring .  Heels - more like stilts .
Fendi, Armani, Ralph  Lauren ,Dune,Fat Moose, Fred Perry, Jack and Jones, Kurt Geiger - they wear them all and more . Money talks . After all clothes maketh a man ( and a woman )
The music - if you can call it music - Ok let it be - you know what I mean . It 's loud, its tuneless , it contains vulgar lyrics , it has strange beats , you cant dance to it - you can sway , you can jerk your head , you can act mad , you can do  summersaults- you can spin on your head and on your backside but NO you CAN'T  Dance To It.
Maybe dance is an old fashioned word as well and something I don't understand . Maybe this is what they call dancing these days- I don't know .
If your wondering about the games - there are no games- games are for kids they say - they are 13 mind you ! Who plays games these days . So what do they do - they talk - they laugh - oh yes there is the phone ................
Gifts are fine and when given are usually electronics or games played on the play station . Don't dare try and give a doll, socks, or a cricket bat . Arriving with something like that would be as welcome as an Alien invasion . Money is fine though - it's actually welcomed - the larger the amount the better .
I could go on but I can't.
There is a stretch limo which I can see from my window . About 10 unruly kids are scrambling in - I guess its a birthday party .
The parents are saying bye and telling them to have a good time
You can be sure they will .