Jan 2023

 We decided to start the year 2023 by attending church, so planned to go for the 7. 30 am mass at the church in Jebel Ali. 

I set the alarm for 5.00 am but woke at 4.15 am and could not sleep thereafter, so was having tea by 4. 30 am.

It was the New year - I felt happy - I felt fresh and life was good.

It's a 15-minute drive to church and keeping in mind the fact that it was new year's day, and there would be hordes of people rushing to church, or so I surmised, I thought it wise to leave by 6.30am.

Being the impatient sort, I was sitting in the car by 6.20am. I honked at 6.25am to alert the wife that I was ready, and then again at 6. 30am while trying to stay calm and collected but there was no sign of her. She then sauntered out at 6.40 am and without even looking in my direction, she began feeding a stray cat that has adopted us. 

Mind you , I had the window glass down and was kind of glaring!

" Keep calm Michael," I said to myself. " It's new years day, and you must not  get upset  at trivial matters  " 

 I was not hyperventilating or anything just then,but was a trifle annoyed, as I am quite a stickler for time and hate to be late. However, after 37 years of marriage, one learns when to say something and when to hold one's peace. Peace won that morning, and we drove to church. The conversation was amicable.  

On the approach road, there were no cars to be seen, and I was surprised! The parking lots near the church, where there is always a traffic jam, were empty as well- just a few cars had been parked. 

Had I blundered with the timing? I hoped not, as I didn't want to look stupid. 

Fortunately, that was not the case. We strolled into the church and though all the lights were not on as yet, there was tons of place with plenty of empty pews. That was a welcome sight. 

This was turning out to be our lucky day, as the church is usually packed and overflowing.

We sat down in the 8th row but had barely settled in when my wife decided that we should move forward, as that would enable us to get a better view. I won't blame her, because I agreed without hesitation. I usually make a fuss about shifting.  Probably it was the thrill of the new year or something to that effect. There were prayers being recited upfront so all was 'hunky dory'.

Then the church began to fill very fast. Before we could say: "Holy Moses" or anything for that matter, a couple walked in and sat down in the pew in front of us. The lady was of average height with extremely bushy hair but the man was a giant. He was probably about 6 feet 8 inches or more in height, and broad of stature. To add to that, he seemed to be wearing a black suit about 2 sizes too large for him. His size and her hair style made sure that the altar was obliterated from view. By then the pews all around us were filled. So here we were, with this giant in front of us, along  with his bushy haired wife and nowhere for us to shift to.  If he was a few inches taller it would have been fine, as I would have probably been able to view the altar from between his legs. Now that is a bit of an exaggeration but I guess you can imagine the scene.   

Just as mass was about to commence  I looked to the left of the giant and his wife. There was a man kneeling - or so I thought. He looked to be tall too. A closer look revealed that he was a dwarf and he was standing beside his wife who was kneeling. He must have been all of 3 feet and no inches.  That was a strange coincidence indeed, to have a dwarf and a giant on the same bench.

 I was quite amused and this was turning out to be a fun day.

There is just one more piece to add to this story. 

I am having pain in the right knee so kneeling is out of the question. Hence I was seated and the person - a lady behind me, was kneeling.

The opening hymn began, and if ever anyone had a voice of poor quality it was her. She was not just a mediocre or terrible singer - she was downright atrocious.  She was off-tone, offbeat, and didn't seem to know the words either. 

Now they were up on the screen, in plain sight, and in large font, and I don't have the faintest clue as to why she didn't just look up and follow them. 

Sorry, I am not being unduly critical, and with all due respect to her, but her voice was high-pitched and nasal, and she was pretty close to my ears as well. 

Not that she was singing softly either - that would have been acceptable. She was going full blast and her voice seemed to echo deep into my skull. She gave it to me in stereophonic sound for every hymn sung that morning. Let me give credit, where credit is due - for the last hymn - she was not too bad!

1st Jan 2023 was certainly a day I will remember.