The new Intimate

The New Intimate ( Anamika Chatterjee, 23^rd March ) made interesting reading  no doubt  but whoever believed that marital unions were fairy tales was living in a fool’s paradise . I do not pretend to be an expert on the topic but reality is what a marriage is all about.

Agree that having and raising a child are important milestones in a relationship and there could be problems galore along the way but rather than treat them as pitfalls, if we considered them pit stops, a lot of the perceived heartache would automatically be dissipated.

It is difficult to agree with Mathew Johnson . Supposedly, researchers have concluded that relationships suffer once kids come along. In lighter vein – when one is not sure – just say it has been researched!

The dynamics will definitely change says the research! – But then isn’t that stating the obvious? One extra chess piece on the board does throw things out of sync for a while but once things have been ironed out, the game can continue as usual.

With the feeding, crying, changing nappies, schooling, cajoling, and other mundane tasks that marriages entail, there definitely will be a strain at times. Arguments, disagreements and tears are inevitable.  However taking a heavy toll on a relationship is definitely at the other end of the spectrum. Don’t forget – its two adults , often with different personalities, backgrounds  and aims in life that have been joined together in matrimony and if you add in the ‘ arranged marriages’  then that’s another ball game altogether.

If anything, I have seen kids bringing spouses closer together and saving marriages. In the end, it’s all about expectations . If you expect your marriage to pan out without hiccups, you are expecting the moon .There are bound to be squabbles ,  issues and snares but nothing so drastic that cannot be worked out amicably.

What actually really separates contented couples from those in deep marital misery is a healthy balance between their positive and negative feelings and actions toward each other.

Volatile couples, for example, stick together by balancing their frequent arguments with a lot of love and passion. Others throw in the towel believing all is lost .

. I have seen a large number of couples  equating  a low level of conflict with happiness and believe the claim "we never fight" is a sign of marital health.

But I believe we grow in our relationships by reconciling our differences. That is how we become people that are more loving and truly experience the fruits of marriage.

Rather than blame kids , I would say that marriages require care , time, mutual appreciation , love ,  respect   , fun and energy to be nurtured . Immaturity, irrational behavior, ego,   resentment, blame, putting self before ‘couple’, and lies can  ruin a marriage.

Leave alone marriage, for anything to work involving human relationships, a lot depends on how much you put in and the same with marriage .

The new Intimate

The New Intimate ( Anamika Chatterjee, 23^rd March ) made interesting reading  no doubt  but whoever believed that marital unions were fairy tales was living in a fool’s paradise . I do not pretend to be an expert on the topic but reality is what a marriage is all about.

Agree that having and raising a child are important milestones in a relationship and there could be problems galore along the way but rather than treat them as pitfalls, if we considered them pit stops, a lot of the perceived heartache would automatically be dissipated.

It is difficult to agree with Mathew Johnson . Supposedly, researchers have concluded that relationships suffer once kids come along. In lighter vein – when one is not sure – just say it has been researched!

The dynamics will definitely change says the research! – But then isn’t that stating the obvious? One extra chess piece on the board does throw things out of sync for a while but once things have been ironed out, the game can continue as usual.

With the feeding, crying, changing nappies, schooling, cajoling, and other mundane tasks that marriages entail, there definitely will be a strain at times. Arguments, disagreements and tears are inevitable.  However taking a heavy toll on a relationship is definitely at the other end of the spectrum. Don’t forget – its two adults , often with different personalities, backgrounds  and aims in life that have been joined together in matrimony and if you add in the ‘ arranged marriages’  then that’s another ball game altogether.

If anything, I have seen kids bringing spouses closer together and saving marriages. In the end, it’s all about expectations . If you expect your marriage to pan out without hiccups, you are expecting the moon .There are bound to be squabbles ,  issues and snares but nothing so drastic that cannot be worked out amicably.

What actually really separates contented couples from those in deep marital misery is a healthy balance between their positive and negative feelings and actions toward each other.

Volatile couples, for example, stick together by balancing their frequent arguments with a lot of love and passion. Others throw in the towel believing all is lost .

. I have seen a large number of couples  equating  a low level of conflict with happiness and believe the claim "we never fight" is a sign of marital health.

But I believe we grow in our relationships by reconciling our differences. That is how we become people that are more loving and truly experience the fruits of marriage.

Rather than blame kids , I would say that marriages require care , time, mutual appreciation , love ,  respect   , fun and energy to be nurtured . Immaturity, irrational behavior, ego,   resentment, blame, putting self before ‘couple’, and lies can  ruin a marriage.

Leave alone marriage, for anything to work involving human relationships, a lot depends on how much you put in and the same with marriage .

A teacher to remember

 

When I look back on my years as a school boy, I remember a teacher who left an indelible impression on my mind for various reasons. He taught Mathematics, was energetic, strict and determined to see that no pupil was ever left behind in the subject.

He was empathetic, motivational, original and caring. Period after period, he went about his  task methodically. For him, teaching was definitely a passion. While I did not excel in the subject, what he taught me, stayed with me, and today,  when I look back 40 odd years later , it was probably he who unknowingly motivated me to become a teacher.

The year was 1968 but the memories are vivid. I was in St Joseph’s Allahabad .

We called him UNCLE JOE – he was a master, guide, father figure, math whiz, tutor and an orphan.

Being brought up by a single parent myself I guess I was drawn to him . Having not done well in the subject my mother asked me to approach him for private tuition, which I did rather hesitatingly as I knew my mother could hardly afford it .

I also asked him how much he would charge. He asked me to start tuition and informed me that he would talk about charges later. He never did .

Day after day and month after month, me and a few others like me were knocking at his door at 5. 30 am . Being a bachelor, his room was always untidy with newspapers strewn around – he was a voracious reader .

He would clear the table by sweeping everything on to the floor and for an hour we would be immersed in sums . Whether adding, subtracting, dividing or multiplying – from  the top, the bottom , side ways , on paper or in his head , the answer were always correct .

Algebra, Arithmetic and Geometry began making sense all of a sudden and he managed to clear concepts like no other teacher had ever done .

The year went by and I managed to pass with good marks.

When I went to show him my report card , he congratulated me -  I then asked him about his charges .

He smiled and said ‘ No charge Michael ‘ Just pray for me .

Uncle Joe died a few years later –he had been ill and no one knew it -  he was only 40 . May his soul rest in peace.

His life was gentle, and the elements mixed so well in him that Nature might stand up and say to all the world, “This was a man.”

Thank you Sir

A teacher to remember

 

When I look back on my years as a school boy, I remember a teacher who left an indelible impression on my mind for various reasons. He taught Mathematics, was energetic, strict and determined to see that no pupil was ever left behind in the subject.

He was empathetic, motivational, original and caring. Period after period, he went about his  task methodically. For him, teaching was definitely a passion. While I did not excel in the subject, what he taught me, stayed with me, and today,  when I look back 40 odd years later , it was probably he who unknowingly motivated me to become a teacher.

The year was 1968 but the memories are vivid. I was in St Joseph’s Allahabad .

We called him UNCLE JOE – he was a master, guide, father figure, math whiz, tutor and an orphan.

Being brought up by a single parent myself I guess I was drawn to him . Having not done well in the subject my mother asked me to approach him for private tuition, which I did rather hesitatingly as I knew my mother could hardly afford it .

I also asked him how much he would charge. He asked me to start tuition and informed me that he would talk about charges later. He never did .

Day after day and month after month, me and a few others like me were knocking at his door at 5. 30 am . Being a bachelor, his room was always untidy with newspapers strewn around – he was a voracious reader .

He would clear the table by sweeping everything on to the floor and for an hour we would be immersed in sums . Whether adding, subtracting, dividing or multiplying – from  the top, the bottom , side ways , on paper or in his head , the answer were always correct .

Algebra, Arithmetic and Geometry began making sense all of a sudden and he managed to clear concepts like no other teacher had ever done .

The year went by and I managed to pass with good marks.

When I went to show him my report card , he congratulated me -  I then asked him about his charges .

He smiled and said ‘ No charge Michael ‘ Just pray for me .

Uncle Joe died a few years later –he had been ill and no one knew it -  he was only 40 . May his soul rest in peace.

His life was gentle, and the elements mixed so well in him that Nature might stand up and say to all the world, “This was a man.”

Thank you Sir

Strange names

Was reading an article on music this morning and came across the name Snoop Dog.
 Well he was christened Calvin Cordozar Broadus Jr , so probably he felt that was not too good a stage name for a man of his stature  and hence the change .
In 2012, after a trip to Jamaica, Snoop Dog  announced a conversion to the Rastafari movement and a new alias, Snoop Lion came up. All the better to roar with I guess !
So far so good . A trifle crazy - but still within limits

The article then went on to discuss Sean John Combs who was not too pleased with his name either and hence changed it to Puff Daddy . Better a Daddy than a Dog !
Where Sean and Calvin got their monikers from I don't have a clue but they sure sound weird to me .
A little more reading and I was left flabbergasted .
Celebrities have gone crazy naming their babies . Its gone from the sublime to the ridiculous and as the years go on I dread to wonder how far this naming game will go  .
Have a read and you will get what I mean .
While some of the names are truly laughable others make me want to cry . I would truly be embarrassed to name my kid with any of these rather peculiar names .
 Imagine the plight of those little brats when they grow old enough to understand . Probably it is a forgone conclusion that when they do realize that they were a joke , they too will change their names .
So here goes .
THE POOR KIDS' NAMES                                                                                              
( RICH KIDS ACTUALLY )


MOXIE CRIMEFIGHTER -                                    
TU MORROW
JER MAJESTY
CAMERA
HEAVENLY TIGER LADY
NORTH WEST
EGYPT
INDIA
SAFFRON SAHARA
SPEC WILDHORSE
POPPY HONEY
DAISY BOO
SPARROW MIDNIGHT
AUDIO SERVICE

I just wonder as to what lengths celebrities will go for popularity .
I personally feel it is contrary to the child’s interest to have a name that can only lead to mockery and disobliging remarks in the years ahead. Imagine the teacher taking the class attendance . Try it yourself and you will get what I mean
What does one make of all this tomfoolery ?
 From one  perspective, for the state to try and  save parents from their own silliness seems rather silly.
 On the other hand, however, allowing parents to give their children silly names could be seen as a whole lot sillier.
It is tempting to see banning such names as a moral duty and many countries do it.
 Recent examples of banned names include 4Real (New Zealand),   and Brfxxccxxmnpcccclllmmnprxvclmnckssqlbb11116 (Sweden), which was intended to be pronounced “Albin”.
 It isn't surprising to note that over the last few years,  various judges all over  the world have had to intervene and challenge parents’ choices: Nutella, which was banned in France; Cyanide, which was outlawed in the UK; and perhaps most bizarrely, the girl called ‘Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii’ in New Zealand, who was put under court guardianship so that she could pick a more traditional name.
Some psychologists have put down this weird naming trend among the Millennials to the desire for Individualism while some studies show that wealthier people  often tend to be more self-focused and  prefer uniqueness over conformity.
  “When you have lots of resources and are less worried about scarcityand what people will say , you can afford to stick out and be different - probably its the "who cares what others think" attitude
Some names given to babies in the  last year are just as bad.
This sure is the height of craziness.

Ima Kettle
Hazel Nutt
Pearl E. Whites
Sandy Shaw
Rusty Nails
Robin Plunder
Lorry Truck
•Justin Case
•Seymour Leg
•Woody Bush
•Justin Tune
•Lowden Clear
•Maurice Minor
•Bernd Onions
•Artie Choke


I rest my case and leave you to be the better judge
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