Of hotels , toilets and lights

Hotel rooms and toilets confuse me at times.
Let me explain- and I have written something like this before
Go to a washroom in a 5 star hotel or a mall and at times your left looking................which is which for goodness sake ?.
Why can't they make it simple . No they believe in stressing you out and confusing you with which is LADIES and which is GENTS .
No-  they don't often write MEN/ WOMEN or any such thing . What fun would there be in that?
No they won't put up a simple photograph/ picture of a woman or a man.
No it will be nothing simple or straightforward - in fact the more complicated - the better.
They have KINGS and QUEENS with crowns / in robes - both FAT ( Most kings and Queens usually are )
They have outlines in GOLD / SILVER paint which, under bright lights really require one  to study the pic very very carefully lest you enter the wrong room by mistake .
Then there are  gold and silver foil figures - made by scatter brained artists indeed .
Then there are stick figures which are even worse.
I have seen people rushing towards the toilet and then staring at the signs - not sure and scared to make a mistake for obvious reasons.
Sometimes the signs  are on the door- sometimes on the wall - at varying heights and of various dimensions .
The corridors leading to  the loo are usually so bright that you can't decipher anything with the glare  or so bathed in warm soft light that yes- YOU CANT' READ  - and then there is music !
So this is what I do - I go - I walk slow - if there is no sign of life around , I put on my spectacles and try and decipher the mystery or else I pretend to talk on my phone till I see someone coming out- How I hate this mystery.
Even worse - once you get inside - how do you use the tap.
With the very modern sensors these days your left swiping your hand under/ over and beside the tap hoping for a miracle . Its funny when there are two or three people at the washbasin at the same time - all of them go swipe swipe swipe- trying to be as casual as possible - they look away hoping for that elusive water to come pouring out - its surely an exercise that has often left me embarrassed ( the same for the WC- For goodness sake WHERE IS THE FLUSH.)
Now to hotel rooms and lights.
There are any number of lights and lamps and so obviously there are any number of switches .
A few days ago I was in a hotel in Chennai - a classic hotel it was - a determined hotel as well- they were determined to confuse !
 I went around at night putting off the innumerable lights and lamps in my room .
In the passage as you enter/ in the washroom/ over the mirror/ 2 large lamps in the corner / 2 smaller bedside lamps /  reading lights on either side of the bed/ a reading light over the table /2 night lights /  a strange small focus light over the area where you make you tea / a special cupboard light .
After a few night caps and a hearty dinner the last thing one wants is a puzzle - that's exactly what it was .
No I was completely in my senses lest you get me wrong but it took the better part of 10 minutes to fathom out the switches for the various lights/ lamps.
The last to go off were the 2 bedside lamps- try as hard as  I did I could not find the switch - finally there it was - a small  1 centimeter silver pin hidden away obscurely under the side of the lamp.
After I had switched all of them off the room was far too dark.
So I started all over again searching for the switch to the night lamps.
God save me ..................