Yippee I am on holiday

So, I am finally on leave from tomorrow till the 1st of August 2020 Yippee – summer is here and its holiday time at last – much desired However, this year like so many others I am a trifle relieved A trifle relieved is putting it mildly I am extremely relieved, oh so light hearted, ecstatic, filled with a sense of hope and joy No travel this time. Tickets already cancelled – that was heart-breaking No itineraries to be planned – no hotels to be booked No wondering whether my credit card will be misused No suitcases to be taken out, dusted, and sunned No finding money in an old bag No old suitcases and bags to be discarded and new ones bought – I love this No locks and keys to be traced. I hate this I have about fifteen small locks and about fifty sets of keys. Will not have to hear statements like – “This suitcase is too big” “why are you taking so many clothes” , “do you need so many pairs of shoes”? What is the luggage allowance – at times it varies while going and returning too “Will so and so place be cold or hot” “check the weather in advance” “Let’s pray there is no rain” is another. “Take an umbrella – you never know” No No No ! No printing of tickets, no ensuring the passport and visa are valid for travel No comments like “see you don’t lose the passports, tickets, keys, money” Also, the ultimate “your father is so careless” I BEG YOUR PARDON MISSIE No checking out what clothes to take with me and what to discard as they are already too tight Another comment “you better get up early & go to the gym in all the hotels” No medicines to be packed for emergencies “take the Digene and Gaviscon for indigestion” No tickets to be bought in advance for trains, tramways, ferries, boats, hotels, entries to various cathedrals, palaces, museums, day trips, amusement parks etc etc etc No money to be exchanged for local currency – how much do we take? No weighing luggage umpteen times and straining my back while putting it on and off the scale No checking if I have a particular Sim card, extra phone, charging cable , multipurpose plug , adapter . No rushing to airports and no arguments about how early we should depart from home. No counting of items of luggage ever so often. No yellow, red, blue ribbons fluttering from all the items – no name tags to be printed No being over polite and requesting counter staff at airports for better seats, sparing a few kilos of extra luggage, fragile stickers. No eating and drinking in the airport lounge after already eating and drinking at home. Dirty habit of mine No having to smile at airhostesses who have that plastic smile pasted on their faces. No hoping that I am not sitting near an adult with a baby No hoping that the person next to me is not unduly overweight No stuffing of bags into overstuffed lockers and arguing as politely as possible with fellow passengers. No wondering which arm rest to use when sitting near a stranger No eating insipid food on the flight – the drinks are okay. What about those cramped toilets where you can’t swing a rabbit? (Now that is a stupid sentence because we don’t have a pet rabbit , I have never taken a rabbit anywhere with me either and if by chance I did , I would not take it to the toilet with me – and if by chance I even did that unexplainable thing , pray why would I swing it ? ) No getting into taxis and wondering if they will take you for a spin ( or kidnap you for that matter ) Not sure why anyone would like to kidnap us, but one never knows. No vague thought as to where I would hide my passport and purse if stopped by thieves. No hotel checks in and once again no asking for a “non-smoking good room with a view” I do not think hotel clerks look at the booking seriously enough No wondering how much to tip, when the bell boy puts the luggage in the room and smiles his simple smile No rushing to have the buffet breakfast and no overeating ! No jumping out of bed early in the morning in a strange city, to go and see a cathedral or a garden or a market or whatever – it’s a holiday for goodness sake. IT’S A H O L I D A Y – I W A N T TO RELAX No staring at menus and wondering what the dish is all about. Not having to bother with irritating waiters who hang around hurrying you to order Coddled eggs, Bubble and squeak, Clootie dumpling, Welsh Rabbit , Priest stranglers, little tongues , little worms, Armer Ritter, Kalter hund , Bienenstich? For goodness sake what ARE these dishes – so confusing. (And menus in foreign languages are even worse) No longing for Dal, rice, mutton curries, chapattis and masala dosa No Selfies, touristy must have photographs and purchasing of souvenirs. OMG – for goodness sake no more buying fridge magnets and shot glasses ( I have stopped buying beer mugs) No more browsing around in old second hand book shops hoping to find a rare manuscript that will make me a rich man No visiting relatives and friends you have not met in decades and did not want to in the first place No silly “check in” or Status updates on FB – no one cares in the first place No uploading of photographs too. It’s sort of mandatory – let’s tell the world we are on holiday No feeling sad when the end of the holiday is approaching, and you must catch the flight back to home sweet home No weighing luggage before flying back and realizing that the luggage is twelve kg overweight No unpacking – this is the worst part No coming home and wondering where to start with the cleaning and tidying Amen